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Best/Worst Soap Funerals


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I don't know why, dragonflies, but people "showing out" at funerals like that makes my teeth itch. At my father's funeral last month, his longtime mistress and illegitimate son (yeah, you heard me) had the audacity to place flowers inside his coffin as they were walking out. As if they were the bereaved family. Never mind how that looked for Mama Khan and yours truly, who followed them out during the recessional, and had to field all the puzzled looks from the rest of the mourners.

And all this, by the way, after Papa Khan's mistress plopped her fat behind in the first pew of the church next to Mama Khan and me (when Mama Khan had invited only my half-brother to sit with the rest of the family) and then proceeded, with her son, to blow more snot and waste more Kleenex than the law and God should allow.

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I almost did. However, in the last 9-10 years of his life, Papa Khan had become "born again" and even joined the Baptist ministry. He wasn't a perfect man, but he was a perfect father and a devout Christian. As much as I wanted to get all "Flavor of Love" on their asses, I felt like doing so would have been a disservice to my dad, who believed (at least in the last part of his life) in letting God fight your battles for you.

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Khan, it sounds like we have similar families. At my stepmother's funeral two months ago, we had my father and his current wife (who wore fish net stockings and a giant hat), her first husband, my stepmother's very married ex boyfriend/lover (father of her youngest child) and his wife, her 33 year old boyfriend (my stepmother was 54), and some man me nor my siblings had ever seen or heard of before who showed up and told us that he was her first love along with other shall we say personal details that we most definitely did not need to know (especially in the middle of the temple at her funeral). This was all before my sister got so hysterical that she ran out of the temple in the middle of the service and her boyfriend had to jump up, climb over people, and run out after her while calling her name as he ran out. We also had a fight at the reception. My family is always keeping it classy.

As for soap funerals, I enjoyed both Asa's fake funeral (Delila!) and his real one (NF's Joey! Cord! Max!!!), Alice's funeral on DAYS, and Lila's funeral on GH (Lucy and Kevin!!!!!!).

Robin's funeral was shameful and so was Colleen's on Y&R.

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Myrtle Fargate's funeral (on ALL MY CHILDREN) have some sort of carnival or circus motif?

Whoever says they loved Maureen's funeral on GUIDING LIGHT is gonna get it. I'm not kidding. 'Cuz that [!@#$%^&*] ain't funny.

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Well, first off, let me just add that my father, while he apparently enjoys getting married, does not like to be married if you get the drift. He gets bored after a while and then takes off and leaves. He and my late stepmother had a very dysfunctional and complicated relationship and her family did not appreciate when he up and decided that he no longer wanted to be married one day and not only left her (along with all his children) but left the country as well only to turn around and get married again less than a year later.

Anyway, the fight was between current stepmother and late stepmother's sister. Sister was not happy that my father brought current stepmother to not only the funeral but the reception afterwards. After both started drinking, sister decides to tell her she has to leave. Current stepmother (who is sprawled out in the middle of late stepmother's lounge room) refuses to leave. My sister Lucy butts in and decides that she too wants current stepmother to leave. She still won't leave and my father charges in and wants people to leave her alone. Lucy starts screaming that current stepmother "ruined" our "happy" family (she has a different view on our family situation than the rest of us). My father starts screaming at Lucy that she is upsetting current stepmother. Current stepmother continues to just sit there drinking and late stepmother's sister then says that late stepmother got sick and died because of all the stress caused by her children and my father (she had cancer so I'm not still clear on how that was our fault). Current stepmother then moved from her spot on the sofa and got in sister's face and they started shoving. Current stepmother fell and then got up and went and set out in the car for the rest of the reception (which was at least another two hours). All of this went down in front of my 9 year old sister. It was really special.

I think that was the part with Zach and since I tended to block out everything involving Zach, I forgot about that part. I was thinking of when everyone gathered at the boarding house to remember her and Kelly showed up. I thought that part was lovely.

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Especially since I now have a Party of Five situation happening at my house at the moment dry.png But seriously, after almost 26 years of this absolute insanity, I just tune my family and their constant drama out. It just doesn't even phase me any more. Nothing they do can shock me any more LOL.

I just though of another funeral I enjoyed: Katherine's fake funeral a few years ago. I really enjoyed seeing Dina and of course we got the return of Nina out of it.

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I hate that crap too. People did it at my grandmother's funeral and it's apart of her culture to videotape the funeral so later we got a kick out of watching people overract by throwing themselves at the grave which wasn't a hole more like a stone drawer that you slide into the tombstone.

I also don't like people getting into fights at the wake.

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Yeah, when I think of soap funerals, Asa Buchanan's always come to mind:

1. 1983 - Asa listening in the shadows to his own eulogy and being delighted with what was being said, until he got mad and burst out and started lambasting everyone. tongue.png

2. 2001 - All the ex wives who were alive in attendance, complete with a Mia Korf flashback biggrin.png

3. 2007 - This one was for real and very poignant. sad.png

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