The Cocktail Lounge

[Chris B]

Mr. Vixen, I hope it's not too late for this advice, but I say DON'T TELL EITHER OF THEM A DAMN THING!! They weren't honest with you and THEY were in the wrong. I would cut them off cold turkey and let THEM wonder whats up. If they want to dog you out like that just cut them off and I'm sure at least Brooke's two-faced ass will be calling you up.

[Mr. Vixen]

It's hard to say who I'm more mad at, because for whatever odd reason, my feelings towards both of them right now are different.

With Sabrina, I think I'm more hurt than anything. I was very close to both of them, but I had a very unique relationship with Sabrina. We were very, very close for a long time and we had a very trusting relationship. And the odd thing is is that, any time in the past that she had an issue with me, she was the first to call me out. So for her to act *this* way just baffles me and hurts my feelings. Now, of course, I'm mad at her as well for the things that she said and that she would do me like this, but you get the picture.

With Brooke, I'm really just mad. Of course it hurts me that she'd do this, but we've had a tumultuous relationship & as sad as this sounds, I'm kind of just used to her disappointing me. But it just makes me mad that she would play dumb and go OUT OF HER WAY to talk to me, make plans, and keep up the friendship, but then say such vicious things behind my back. It's the type of behavior I would expect from her regarding others, but I thought her and I were a lot closer than that, ya know?

Your situation really relates to me, and I'm sorry to make you sad by dredging it up. I think I'm just going to be polite when I encounter her, but I don't think I can ever be friends with her again, or trust her again, after this. I mean, it's a pretty serious betrayal in my opinion. The real kick in the gut is that I opened up to her about something I was going through and she sent the messages to Sabrina and laughed about them. That's it for me.

Agreed!

I LOVE that quote, and thank you for your input - I'm probably going to do just that.

It's not too late, and I think you're right. They were in the wrong and I don't want to lower myself to their level. And making them wonder does seem like the right thing. I'm DYING at "Brooke's two-faced ass" - So true!

Thank you all for the advice. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you!

[All My Shadows]

Agreed.

[All My Shadows]

Guys. Remember that guy from work that I just wanted to have sex with?

We've been talking very very frequently over the last month, and I think we're both catching feelings for each other really really hard. I fought it for a long time because he just NOT MY TYPE IN THE LEAST in so many ways, but at the same time, he's been so incredibly sweet to me, and I just don't know what to do. After two years of "Scott" and his shenanigans, here I have this guy who is doing and saying all the right things, and I'm holding back because I somehow think he's too dorky/nerdy for me. I know how hypocritical this makes me, and I want to give him a proper chance, but I'm just...ugh. Part of it isn't him -- it's my own inexperience with relationships and how to interact with someone you're talking/semi-talking to. I don't want to do anything that'll drive him away, but I can tell that he doesn't want to scare me off, either. He's really, really trying, and I need to give him a real chance. He's just so socially inept at times. He has a very nice body and a cute face, so the physical attraction is totally there. It's all about inner stuff.

Oh, and there's the [!@#$%^&*] girlfriend. We've been talking for a month, and even though I know of her existence, he has YET to mention her to me AT ALL, period.

[ThePrinceOfSunspear]

I need advice. Guy that Im really falling for...I'm not out. His fb profile says interested in women but he's currently single and hasn't had a legit girlfriend in ages. We've been kinda flirting/talking for the last few months and I really get the impression that he's at least bi and that there might be something between us (even though I haven't acted on it yet). Now I find out he's headed for a "boys trip" to a city that is known for partying, etc....

I'm just really sad and frustrated at this point and I have no idea what to do....should I just lay it all on the line with this guy and tell him how I truly feel? Or should I say nothing and pretend like this trip is no big deal (even though I'm going crazy thinking about all the possible things he might do and with whom he might do them with)....should I just give it a few more months until I get a better sense of the guy? Feel free to PM me too...

[Nate4]

Not having the best holiday season. My grandma has stage four colon cancer. She has chemo like every two weeks and she goes to radiation every day. She's not like herself at all. She's only 63. I can't take it anymore. She's the grandparent i'm closest with. When i was in trouble, i'd always go to her house and she'd give me advice. She's really one of my best friends. I'm closer to her then i am any of my other friends. We have been close since i was little. I'm so sick of people saying "hope for a miracle". 1) i'm already doing that. 2) You don't know what you're talking. People are so awkward when it comes to this kind of stuff. I've told 5 of my friends and there's only one that actually cares and is asking how she is. It's so pathetic. There are people, though, that have been there. Times like these show that there a lot more good people in the world then bad. A lot of people do care. I'm done venting!

[Mr. Vixen]

I'm so sorry about your grandma, she will absolutely be in my prayers. I have a long, unfortunate history with cancer in my family. Please let us know if there's anything you need, and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

[Nate4]

 

Aw, Thank you. I appreciate it! Sorry to hear about your history with cancer. Such a horrible thing to deal with.

[Soapsuds]

I recently added on Facebook a friend i use to go to school with...ummm...always had a crush on him growing up...still looks hot...well all the girls that went to school with us are now commenting how hot he is and how hot he still is.....please...most of the girls didnt give him the time of day and hung out with the jock types who now look like s hit.......bitches...he's always been hot.

[Nate4]

DaytimeDish is a RATCHET mess.

[Mr. Vixen]

You guys are gonna kill me.

[Nate4]

My friend keeps BITCHING at me to do this damn project, yet he is doing absolutely nothing. I don't even know how to start and he won't even help. He does this EVERYTIME and I always give him another chance.

[All My Shadows]

OK, time for an update to this hot mess drama lol

In the weeks leading up to Christmas (and a few days after), me and this guy got really close. We were talking just about every day for hours at a time, and I even picked him up to go Xmas shopping with me one day. We were even planning to go out to dinner one night. I was slowly starting to really fall for him, too, because he was just so sweet and attentive with me, and I was so desperate for that. So I was getting over the fact that he wasn't my initial type, and I was ready to accept him for who he was, and I was starting to get butterflies around him and all of that. But the whole thing with the GIRLFRIEND still lingered. I was hesitant to bring it up, because at this point, I was still VERY unsure about what his intentions were. I didn't want to bring this up and then have him be like "Um...yeah, I do have a girlfriend. We're just friends -- why should it matter to you if I have a girlfriend?" Even though he was very clearly attracted to me, my history of being attracted to guys who don't feel the same way kept me from believing that our feelings were mutual. So I hung back on bringing up the girlfriend. Besides, if he wanted me, HE would have brought it up, right? Or he would have ended things with her. Or whatever. He started texting me at 3am asking me to "come snuggle" with him while his parents were asleep because apparently they'd freak out if they knew he was bi.

I eventually found out he would be spending New Year's week with the girlfriend in the state where she leaves (his birthday is the 1st). We even talked about the fact that he would be out of state for the week, which he explained away as seeing some of his "people." I got pissed about being treated like a jump-off, so I decided to play around with this guy. I was going to get the sex out of him that I'd originally wanted and then drop him like a sack of sh!t. I even sent him a very suggestive text explaining what I wanted to do to/with him once he got back, a text to which he never responded.

My friend, "Arleen," had started talking to him fairly regularly as well. He was kinda flirty with her, but she's a lesbian and she is NOT interested in him, and she regularly told him that, so they were just friends. Arleen eventually asked him when he would tell me about his girlfriend, and he said he wasn't sure. She basically told him that I already knew about her and that he needed to come clean. All of this occurred the Sunday before New Year's. He was to leave that Monday morning to see the girl. He eventually texted me, and here is a transcript of the convo (you'll learn why I have it typed up and ready to go shortly):

GAVIN: I do not want to go on my trip. =(

AMS: Why don't you want to go?

GAVIN: Because if I'm honest with myself it's not what I really want to do.

AMS: What is it that you really want to do, then?

GAVIN: I want to hug someone whose hugs mean something to me.

AMS: And her hugs mean nothing to you?

GAVIN: She has the teeth of a Shakespearean witch. I wish she and I were better strangers. I feel like [!@#$%^&*] for not giving you full disclosure, even if I'm in a situation that is far from happy. I don't even deserve to tell you I care about you, even if that's part of the reason I feel like abandoning just everything.

AMS: Ok first, don't be mean about her. I don't know her, but I'm sure she cares about you a lot. Second, I'm fine with you not being upfront. I should have just asked, but I wasn't sure what your intentions with me were.

GAVIN: See, now I just feel worse. You know you have a profound effect on me when you fuss me and I was already close to crying. That's how I deal with things.

AMS: Don't cry! I'm not fussing you or confronting you or anything, just trying to get us on the same page. I should be upfront with you. At first, I was only interested in you for one thing only. I kinda picked up on your attraction to me, and I wanted to exploit that for physical reasons. You can ask people at work -- I was not secretive about "getting it" from you. I thought you were weird and a total dork/nerd/geek, but I was willing to get something out of you. But then we started talking, and you were so very sweet to me. And I'm a sucker for any boy who is sweet to me. So the hunter got captured by the game. But even as I was starting to consider another point of view, I questioned if I was liking you or just liking the fact that you were being sweet to me. And at this point, that's still the inner conflict for me. This is the bottom line: You have to figure out you and Bertha first. Your decision in regards to your relationship with her should not have anything to do with me. Don't make that decision based on what you want to happen between you and me because there's no guarantee that we'll hit it off as more than close friends. You have to be prepared to be alone.

GAVIN: That's true...as a weird nerd I should expect to be alone and only find love in the back of a pillow, after all.

AMS: Gavin, don't do that. Please don't. I'm not rejecting you. What I'm saying is that we need to spend more time together to figure out what we're meant to be to each other, and we can't do that legitimately until you figure out what you and Bertha are meant to be to each other. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. I just want to be honest 100%. No bullshitting of any kind.

GAVIN: The way your smile towards me has evolved has already said all of this to me. What's insulting is how you had summarised me, then decided to go for it anyway. Why would I want to be anyone's anyway option? I don't want to be a concession.

AMS: Right, and I completely understand that. I know that it wasn't fair for me to feel that way, and I apologize. There's no way for me to know exactly what's going on, however, because we simply have not spent enough time together to know. Yes we've talked a lot, but never with a clear understanding of what this is and where it could go. And to be honest, I felt like this whole thing moved very quickly. Within a week of us really talking, you were comparing me to your ex, projecting that pet name on me, wanting me to sneak inside your house in the middle of the night, etc. I went along with it because I've been so starved for affection, but that's not to say I never felt anything. I just think my feelings have not caught up to yours.

GAVIN: Right. And I thought it was real.

AMS: I'm sorry for not being clear with you from the beginning.

GAVIN: No, it's been weeks and you've only perpetrated these feelings, of which you were also the progenitor. I've already told her I don't want to go. And now this. I requested off of whole [!@#$%^&*] week's schedule and I even bought motion sickness pills for the ride. When I got home I did somethinking and I realized it wasn't fair to go on being dishonest. Now I see that even though I didn't know it, I was only fitting in, in so doing. Wow.

AMS: I never told you not to go. I was very careful in making sure I did NOT tell you what to do either way. I wanted you to make your own decision, but it would only be fair if I was completely honest with you, which I have been thoughout this entire conversation. If you want to blame me because you're uncertain about what you want to do, that's not my problem.

GAVIN: All of that is tangential to my point. I was just describing the high and low points of my evening. Arleen suggested I just be honest with you after I made my decision and it's only led to feeling worse. I had no idea I was big game.

AMS: No matter how hard you try to push that responsibility on me, it'll always go right back to you. You chose to string her along even though you knew you didn't feel for her as much as she might have hoped you did. You chose to continue doing so even after you started having feelings for me. Your choices, not mine. Did I perpetrate some of those feelings, knowing you had a girlfriend? Yes. I did. But I thought the fact that you didn't do a very good job of hiding your relationship from me meant you had serious feelings for her and that we were just a special friendship. I own my missteps in this, but I'm not shouldering the blame for any that you've made. If your decision hinged on an honest conversation between the two of us, you should have never made it without talking to me first. You may feel bad, but how does your girlfriend feel? Is any of this fair to her? What reason did you give for not wanting to see her?

GAVIN: This is all so far off from how I actually feel and how I approach things that I'm not sure where to begin. But I had no idea honest AMS would be this hurtful. I'm starting to think that the most relevant thing you've said is, to quote Andrew Lloyd Weber, "learn to be lonely."

AMS: What hurtful things have I said? I'm sorry I hurt you, Gavin. You're a special person, and I care about you. I do have feelings for you, and the feeling of your arms around me has been in my psyche since it happened. I wasn't supposed to care, but I do. But I will not act upon that until you've set things straight with Bertha.

THOUGHTS, before I continue, please??

[BetterForgotten]

[Mr. Vixen]

My life.