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Scotty

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AMS, I promise that I will get back to you. So dead at "Bertha" of all aliases. I am intrigued by what you've laid out.

I started a new gig about three weeks ago. As per usual, my boners point to the married women who flirt with me well before they clue me in on the fact that they are married. I think married women in the arts get off on this. Perhaps it's married women in general? I am feeling another girl in my cast who is NOT married. In the past, I have worked on shows where girls showed interest in me and I could have taken advantage of that, but a. they were not all that attractive (imo), and b. I never ever want to use people just for sex and I care way too much about what people think of me (right or wrong) and this theatre town is too small for me to get a rep as a dude who hits and quits. I guess I'm not really looking for advice here, but I'm just at a point in my mid-'30s where I really didn't "live my life" in my '20s and I guess I just don't really give a !@#$%^&*] if I want some action and party B wants some action too. Life is too short to care about what others think of you, especially when as quiet as it's kept, NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING! I guess I need to give myself the permission to not be the "good boy", an archetype I've imposed upon myself as my family has always seen me as "the good one" when my peoples are probably like, "Boy, you need to go out there and get some."

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AMS... I'm guessing this guy is fairly young (as in under 25)? There are two types of people, those who are truly bisexual, and those that use bisexuality as a way to transition to self acceptance (that's why I asked his age, as this transition tends to happen between 18 and 25). From what youv'e posted, I think Gavin is the latter. I think he feels internal pressure from his friends and family to be straight and be with a woman, therefore there is hesitation on his part with you that wouldn't normally be there because he's not resolved that inner issue within himself. His texts and such (at least so far) say to me that he is ready to make a major move, you just need to ask yourself if you are prepared to deal with all the baggage that entails. He may need some help, some encouragement, and a good fat shove into his reality, and you just may need to be the person who does the shoving. However, proceed with caution, if this starts bringing you down or dragging on for 6 months with no real progress or resolution, then drop it like it hot! I will tell you this, if a person is TRULY bisexual, I run like hell from that... but that's just my personal deal. I don't get that feeling from your guy, though.... and I think he needs support badly for him coming out to others and most of all, HIMSELF.

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Gavin turned 26 on New Year's Day, but he is very, very behind when it comes to social development. Look at some of the things he said up there. "I want to hug someone whose hugs mean something me" is just so...ugh. I ain't got the time. He claims he was in a relationship with a guy while he was away at college, and that's where his attraction to me begins, because he says I remind him of the guy very much. He even started calling me by the same pet name. I was excited that a guy was finally showering me with attention and affection, but it all felt hollow and a bit false, and now that he's shown his ass, I'm able to call all those things out. At this point, I think he's just interested in anyone who enables his whims. He equates being "honest" with being "hurtful," and the girl he's with, I believe, probably eats right out of his hand because, to be honest, she's not much of a catch (based on what I've learned). But I'll give y'all more on that when I get a chance to. I'm in a 5th grade class today, and my planning period is almost up LOL

No tea no shade, but I really am scared that I'll end up like this! I already feel like I didn't "live" in high school or my undergrad years of college, and it's like...when will I finally be on the same page as everyone around me? I'm terrified that my 20s will go by without me ever really being a twentysomething. Part of the reason why I keep putting off being a full-time professional is because I'll no longer have the built-in community of other twentysomethings that college and my retail job provide. I'll be forced to grow up, and I'm not ready to just yet, in some aspects. I've been told to just not worry about such things -- that there is no "standard" upon which lives are based. Your story is yours, and if yours doesn't match up with that of the majority, then oh well. You have to learn things and do things at your own pace.

If you're at the point where you want a sexual relationship with someone who just wants a sexual relationship, go for it! That's what I was kinda hoping for with this Gavin guy, but he caught feelings and then I caught feelings, and now it'll probably never be that way, but I'm totally open to other guys who may come along and want nothing more than a friends with benefits situation. There's no shame in that, but then again, I am indeed speaking as a 23-year-old. I can understand why in your mid-30s you would feel offbeat about sleeping around with no strings attached.

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OK, so I texted the guy and texted the guy after that conversation. I felt REALLY REALLY bad because I could tell that I really hurt his feelings when I told him that I'd originally thought of him as too weird/nerdy for me. He really seemed to be broken up by that, and I wanted to make it right, but I wasn't just gonna pretend like he was some innocent lamb that I hurt. He had his OWN bullshit, too. So two days went by without a single word from him, and then I figured out that he'd went ahead and gone to see his girlfriend (showing me that whenever he'd told her that he didn't want to go, he'd given her some kind of lie that he could easily reverse). My friends promised to help me get over the whole thing because they know I have a strong tendency to latch onto things that I just shouldn't care about anymore (see more about this later). I actually sat and typed up the whole conversation between the two of us with intentions to send it to the girlfriend via Facebook message. Of course, I'm not bitchy enough to do that, but I managed to type it all up, copy and paste it into a message, and begin to type her name into the recipient box. I was PISSED, yall.

But anyway. after a few days of him not saying anything to me, I just decided he wasn't worth my time anymore. His geeky ways weren't what did him in -- it was the immature, selfish, passive-aggressiveness that did it, and I don't feel guilty about not wanting to deal with that. In the midst of our conversations, he'd always talk about this multitude of ex-girlfriends who broke up with him because they "didn't want to deal" with him anymore, and he always made them out to be crazy bitches who just couldn't handle how awesome he was. BUT NOW I SEE THE TRUTH. He's a compulsive and pathological liar in the worst way, and he'd make up these tall tales that couldn't possibly be true, expecting people to just believe him. I could go on and on about his sh!tty personality now that I've gotten off his tit, but it's whatever.

He texted me on New Year's Eve, finally:

"I regret this almost immediately. This girl is a mess. She went to work and I'm alone here; she has no silverware, no towels in the kitchen, there are dishes with food on them in the sink and dishwasher, trash all around the floor...everywhere, nothing is organised anywhere, and she sleeps on a small air mattress for which I seem to be too tall. There's no heating in some rooms and her shower curtain is a collage of mildew. I almost want to call and reschedule my trip back early but she's also my ride to the station..... I am so sorry for the way I acted two nights ago. But right now I'm disgusted with myself and this place, and I'm tired. It seems like every one of my relationships is a downgrade, and this is definitely no exception. I could end up crying twice in 2013."

Notice. This was all about HIM and HIS MISERY. Even his "apology" wasn't based in the reality of his own actions. He clearly wanted to distract me from calling him out on his sh!t in the name of "OMG talk about how gross this bitch is and how much you're better for me than she is." I've learned that he's very attached to the idea of people competing for him -- he likes to know that someone is jealous for him. Fortunately, 2012-2013 taught me to be EXCELLENT at reading people's personalities, so I saw right through him and just didn't reply. I deleted his number from my phone and unfriended him on Facebook. I hoped that would send the message through loud and clear.

The VERY NEXT DAY (his birthday), he texts me. While he's with her.

"AMS?

Not hearing from you makes this a good deal worse. I noticed you had deleted me from Facebook and everything so I really must have upset you."

Once again, notice. This was NOT AT ALL about his actions, mistakes, missteps, etc. It was more like "Uh...I'm really really sad because I guess you're mad or something, so..." WTF am I supposed to do with that? If he'd have just come at me intent on making it up to me, then that would be different. If he just apologized for the fuckery and talked to me like an adult instead of an ashamed child, then I'd have something to work with. But nope, he was looking for pity. I basically told him that he did upset me indeed and that I hope he has a good year and that he figures out what he really wants to do with his life.

We were at work together for a total of like 5 minutes not long after he got back from seeing her, and it was a very quick "Hi."/"Hey." conversation that ended before it began. I haven't seen him since because our schedules have been completely opposite. Fine with me.

I added him back on Facebook so that I could lurk his girlfriend's statuses, and she's absolutely devoted to spending her "permanent life" with this joker. It's so sad.

Meanwhile, the 18-year-old I had the one-night stand with is engaged and expecting a baby. I can't.

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Wow......sorry that you've got all that going on. But hey at least you were able to confirm that the guy at least had some sort of feelings for you.

I mean what does it say if you're constantly the one who's initiating conversations with the guy you really really like? They're younger than you but does that mean you always have to start the conversation? I just don't want to appear like I want this more than he does or that I'm that desperate for his attention/affection.....

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Adding him back was a mistake...I did that with a guy I had a thing for...now I realize I still had feelings for him and thats why I added him not because I wanted to know about his gf...although that was part of it....to this day I still have feelings for him

As for the 18 year old....Ive meet guys older than him....around 25 or so and they know are gay but because of family pressure marry and do what is expected from their folks....its sad that some people cant be who they really are.

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Oh Jeez....get the hell rid of these closet cases! Theyr'e nothing but heartbreak, I guarantee it. And don't go for straight acting, either. If he acts like a straight man, he'll beat you up like a straight man. And I think you should SO send your text convo to the Girlfriend... it would be SO Alexis of you, people won't walk on you so much if you drop a bomb on their asses.

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I feel you Nate, I dream about my dearly departed loved ones all the time, the cruelest manifestations of the subconscious. You wake up sad, mad, yet oddly glad that you had that added time with them. My heart goes out to you.

I have such juice I'd like to share, but there's always that fear that someone out there lurking will peep your card and blow up your presumably anonymous spot. #she'smarried

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