Air out your dirty laundry?

[Soapsuds]

Ok..Toups said you have huge balls AMS. Prove it!....LOL...had to go there

[alphanguy74]

That is terrible. Just awful. But I got to tell you, with a complusive gambler in the family, your family members need to FIND A BANK, and RIGHT NOW. Not only for that reason, but keeping thousands of dollars in a drawer is a sure way to lose it. your house could burn down, a burglar could break in, and as you found out, a compulsive gambler in your own family can steal it. And when bank accounts are opened, make sure your father's name is NOT on them!

[All My Shadows]

It's not really that I have balls as much as I'm just at the point where I <ghetto>doooon't give a daaaaaaamn</ghetto> anymore. Like I said, I haven't told anybody a lot of this stuff. I told my therapist just a little, and my best friend knows that I did stuff with three of my cousins, but I've never gone this in-depth at all with anyone...ever.

I could blow the lid off of SO MUCH SH!T in my family, but I just keep my mouth close, I nod, I smile, I make little jokes here and there. No one messes with me because they're all weirdly afraid

It was a typo when I said I was doing all this from 9 to 13, it started more around age seven (with the sleepover "game"). I remember this because I distinctly remember being 7 years old when me and cousin who's now an armed robber were caught in bed naked together by two other cousins. They told his mother, and GET THIS...she said, and I quote because I've NEVER forgotten this, "If yall was a boy and a girl, it'd be okay, but two boys...that's not happening." So you have to understand why my sexuality was once such a dark cloud over my life.

Me and the shootist were never caught. We did at the sleepover twice, then a few times after that, then once again years later, and that was done. The one I did it the most with was the rapist (who is my cousin on my dad's side -- the others are on my mom's side) because we were only a few months apart, we alllllllways played together, and we always spent weekends at my grandmother's house. Looking back, we were brave as hell because we did that sh!t anywhere we could. We always shared a bed at my grandma's, so once the lights went out, we did it...in the bedroom, in the closet, in the guest bedroom, on the living room sofa when grandma would watch the stories with the lady next door (so yes, in the afternoon), our grandpa was a welder and had this big shed in the backyard, so we did it in there, there were these big woods behind the house too, and one day we found a little clearing next to the bayou and did it there. We did it in his bed at his house, and his dad kinda caught us but never told us he did (which was weird in and of itself, because I've come to the conclusion that he got off on it). The whole family went to my uncle's house in Baton Rouge for the fourth one summer, and all of us kids slept on the living room floor with my parents sleeping on the sofas, and god damn it, we managed to slip behind the sofas and did it there. Me, him, his parents, and our grandmother went to Mississippi for a weekend once, and we did it in the hotel room while the adults were in the next room drinking. When I was twelve years old, we did it on my living room floor while watching Donna Reed on TV Land, while my brother was just down the hall. I have no f!cking idea what we were thinking.

There were two other guys our age who lived near our grandmother (my cousin and his mom moved in with our grandparents after she divorced his daddy) and we used to all play together all the time. One of the guys had a trampoline, and one day we played a game where we'd all try to push each other off the trampoline, and the first one off had to do something stupid like stick your finger in an ant pile, do a hundred sit ups, or whatever. Well, they were all much more agile than my weak, scrawny ass, so they pushed me off, and instead of making me do something stupid, they all decided that they wanted me to do oral sex on all three of them. So we waited for the guy's mom to leave the house (she went down the street or something), then we went in his room, and I did it for all three of them. We were too young for any of us to know what the hell we were doing, so...yeah.

Me and my cousin got caught once when we were like eight or nine. We were taking off our clothes on our grandma's living room sofa one afternoon and our uncle passed through. We tried to play it off, but he pretty much caught us, and grandma whooped us with a belt. It was a big huge ordeal when my daddy came because he's that one strict uncle that everybody has. He didn't whoop us or anything, but they basically told us if they caught us ever doing it again, they would castrate us (of course, they didn't use that word, they used more graphic terms). A few days later I was laying in the bed with my parents at home, and they told me that people who do what me and my cousin did "get AIDS and die, and you don't want that, do you?"

F!cked. Me. Up. For. YEARS.

You don't tell a kid that. You just...don't. Ugh.

But anyway, everything stopped after that, but then when we were eleven, we started doing it again. The last time we did it was on the night before Thanksgiving when we were thirteen years old. Me, him, and his stepbrother were sleeping at my grandma's house on the living room floor. Him, his mom, stepdad, and stepbrother were all living in Lafayette by that point, so it'd been a few months since we'd did it, and I was restless, so I started kissing him in his sleep. He woke up, and we went into one of the bedrooms and did it. Our grandmother died the following July. At the funeral, I was pretty broken down, and he came and stood by me. I looked at him and said "Things just ain't gonna be the same, huh?" and he just nodded and walked away. We never talked about it at all after that, and I highly doubt we ever will.

Yikes...sorry if that disturbs anybody I've had years to adjust to it and come to peace with it, but I can see how it can shake someone ep. I just reeeeally needed to vent about that. Besides, I'm the only one in this thread airing out my own dirty laundry, all of yall are putting everybody else on blast lol.

[Soapsuds]

Wow AMS....a good read...I am only halfway done..will have to read the rest tomorrow...its bedtime...lol

[Bright Eyes]

Other than my drug addict sister being the cause of my mother and aunt not speaking to each other, even practically forbidding my father from speaking to his sister, I got nothing. Though, it did help my brother/younger sister/myself see how much my aunt/uncle/cousin were people we didn't really want in our lives anyway. It's also no shock that we barely even acknowledge my older sister now (and have for years), as even when she's off the drugs (not that we could ever tell at this point) she's still probably one of the dumbest people on earth.

I'm not going to lie AMS, something like that trampoline game is kind of a fantasy of mine. However, the difference being that 1) It wouldn't be with any of my family members and 2) We'd be past puberty!

[All My Shadows]

What a skank, Amello At the time, I was excited and wanted to do it...I have no clue why, but I was. The two other guys being there made it less weird because they weren't related to me and I kinda had a crush on one of them, so...yeah. Of course, both of them grew up to be high school dropouts, so once again, I had hideous taste pre-puberty.

Of course all the stuff with my cousins kind of made me grow up a bit faster than normal kids, so I kinda became preoccupied with sex. This story's a LOT less disturbing/dirty that everything else, but I went on my knees for a guy in middle school. We were in the seventh grade, and he was sort of a jock type, a football player. He was my first white guy lol We'd known each other since the second grade, and we weren't close friends at all because he was a jock type and I...was definitely not. But we always got along well. In the seventh grade, we had tons of classes together because we were both honors kids, and in our English class, he sat right in front of me, and I'd always be checking him out, and one day, he caught me looking. I was scared to death, but he just smirked. He started being much nicer to me, and he'd come and find me at recess and we'd goof around. Wellll, our middle school would do an honor roll dance at night four times a year. We were all at the dance, and I was hanging out with my friends. Me and the guy were constantly bumping into each other the whole night, and I don't know...there was just magic in the air or something, I guess, there was a feeling of..."something's gonna happen between us tonight," and we both had it in our eyes. But anyway, I went to the bathroom, and as I was walking back to the cafeteria (that's where all our cheap ass middle school dances were held), he came down the hall and told me he wanted to go outside. I was READY for whatever he wanted to do, so I wasn't going to question his motives or anything...so we went outside because the dumb ass teachers forgot to lock the back doors. We went outside and sat in the baseball dugout in the backyard. We talked about everything except the pink elephant...we talked about our classes, about how I sucked at sports, etc. Everything except for what we both knew we were out there for. But anyway, there was a pause in the convo, and he picked up my hand and put in his lap. That was alllll the invitation I needed, and within in seconds, I was getting busy on him. Without getting too graphic, we finished up, used a candy wrapper off the ground to clean up the mess, and we just walked back to the dance without saying a damn word. We stayed as close and vaguely flirtatious as we had been after that, but he moved the summer after seventh grade, and I haven't seen him in person since then. I found him on MySpace years ago, and he added me, but I was too scared to send him any messages or comments, and I guess he felt the same way. I hear he's in the military or something now.

That was like...my last sexual encounter until the summer before my senior year. Things were baaaad throughout junior high. I was looking for anything from anybody at any time I could possibly get it, and I ain't got sh!t from nobody.

[alphanguy74]

A Candy Wrapper? Are you serious? Reading your stuff makes me shudder, I have to admit. I'd be the type to blow the lid wide open on things, If you ever do, don't feel bad about it, I'm a big believer in catharsis. Since I didn't officially lose my viriginity till I was 21, I felt a bit behind the times with everyone else, although groping had occured before then. There was one guy on the football team whom I felt up on the school bus. Somehow discussion about dick size came up, we did the "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" game, and then HE said "If you move over i'll let you feel it". Luckily it was winter and we had coats to hide our debauchery. i'm amazed at the gutsy stuff I used to do when I was a teenager. I suppose the gutsiest was during homecoming week, coming to school dressed as Wonder Woman. This was 8th grade... and it caused QUITE a stir. Each day had a theme, and one day you were supposed to dress as someone famous from TV or whatever. People STILL talked about that all the up to my senior year! the next year after that I was much more mainstream and dressed as James T. Kirk. Everybody LOVED that, thye kept telling me to beam them up for months.

[All My Shadows]

LMAO!! We did those homecoming dress up days as well. I rarely dressed up because it would have been awkward as hell standing at the bus stop in a superhero costume, but I always wanted to. My senior year was a milestone anniversary for our school (35th, I think), so for prom we had a week of dress up days for each decade - the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, the 00s, and Friday was just a spirit day. I was SHOCKED because I was able to fit into some pants and a shirt that my daddy had saved from when he went to the same school in the late 70s, and everybody commented on how good I looked. I let my air grow out to a decent-sized afro, and I was the only one with a real 'fro, everybody else had wigs. Funtimes.

I'm gonna lay low in the thread for a while to let other people tell their stuff, but I got school bus stories, trust me. I was in band in high school. All you need to do is put a bunch of sexually-charged teenagers on a charter bus a six-hour ride at night, and you have at least five seasons of drama.

[Soaplovers]

Wow.. .some soapy plots just waiting to be mined. I guess the only scandal in my own personal past happened when I was seven years old and in daycare. One day, a girl about my age stated she had been molested and got tested positive for an STD. When they asked her who did this to her, my name was the first name she could come up with and said I did it (even though I didn't do it at all). So I ended up speaking to a cop and the head of DCFS without my parents being there nor a lawyer. After being kept for questioning for over an hour and threatening to withhold lunch/food from me until I confessed... I said I did it.

So DCFS had me tested (tests came back negative), had a social worker plus therapist talk to me... and there was talk about taking me away from my parents until a pre-trial date was set. So my mom took me out of state until that date was set, etc. Turns out that they had no evidence at all, and the findings revealed that I was an angry child. Plus, they wrote that I had dark, depressing thoughts.. of course I was reciting Disney's 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarf' because I'd seen it the day before the therapist appointment. Once that was explained to the therapist, he backed off.

What's funny is that when I turned 10 and learned all about puberty/sexual hormones... I researched how to cure it so my hormones wouldn't kick in LOL Plus I've been told by guys and girls that I'm very frigid though I do love to flirt.

Other family scandals: My great-uncle found out that his sister was really his mother (she gave birth to him and gave him to her parents to raise as their own).. he ended up becoming angry/bitter.. eventually went to jail for molesting someone in plain daylight.

My cousin told me that they were molested by our aunt. he also just came out of the closet after two marriages and three children and admitted repressing it. When I came out to him in high school, he said he would pray for my soul and was very uncomfortable around me... we didn't talk till I was in my early 20's.

[Actor87]

WOWWWWWWW, AMS. Never knew you were a fellow Louisianan, and I've always thought you were Caucasian.

Serious guts posting stuff like that. I can't believe you've been through some of the stuff you have. I hope you're doing good these days, and happy. You deserve it, man.

[Bright Eyes]

A question just came to me. AMS, were you "protected" during most of these times?

[All My Shadows]

I'm doing great, Dusty It's good to hear from you again.

Yall, please don't feel sorry for me or anything This is all way, way, deeeeep in the past now, and while I still have some effects of it, it hasn't ruined my life or anything like that. I can look back on it and recognize all the effed-upness, so it's all good now.

The bulk of all the stuff happened pre-puberty, so as far as I know, there was never any danger. Without getting too gross or creepy, it was mostly skin-to-skin contact. Later on, the pre-teen stuff, we probably should have used protection, but neither one of us were in the position to get any, so we just...did our thing. AFAIK, he wasn't with anyone else at the time, and I know I wasn't (except for that one time with the cousin who shoots people, and he didn't even finish), so I never really worried about it.

[WTGH]

My maternal grandfather is loaded.

There are 9 siblings on my mother's side and 5 of them get along (my mother included) and the other 4 don't get along with the rest or with each other.

There's big drama over a future inheritance and how things will be split up. One of my uncles had planned to kidnap my grandfather when he was in town for my sister's wedding and ask for big ransom money.

One sister was ousted from the family after she forged my grandmother's signature to take over her house. She signed it over to some loan shark and the house was nearly lost when everything was discovered and the house came back into my grandmother's possession. Anyway, said sister is out of the family for 8-10 years, publicly disowning my grandmother and grandfather, when one of her sisters (therefore, my aunt) patches things up with her to try to stake a claim if and when my grandfather dies.

They know he's stubborn and can hold a grudge for a long, long time. So...they go after their mother (my grandmother), to try and convince him to hand over his possessions now. They played with her emotions and, I kid you not...even resumed to WITCHCRAFT to get ahold of some money, properties, etc. Plan was exposed, yet my grandmother still wants something to do with those crazy ass bitches.

[Soapsuds]

Do I bring the trampoline or do you have one already??

I thought the same thing...candy wrapper AMS??...hehe

I always wanted to be Wonder Woman. Those were good times I still remember to this day.....lol

Hmmmm...how come that didn't happen in my bus?...lol And all the dances were held in the lame ass cafeteria...lol That's where mine were held too.

Love your posts AMS...keep them coming.

Nice to see you again Dusty.

[Cheap21]

When I was growing up, I was a little overweight me and I would be directly compared to my cousins who were the same age as me, but I was the chubby one. My family would occasionally make cracks and comments, joking at my expense. It was never malicious, but it still would hurt nonetheless. Before I started high school, my mother had a talk with me and warned me about how kids were there and how I could be teased. Ironic thing is, I never was teased or heard any comments from anybody in school or elsewhere about my weight. All of that came from my very own family

Anyways when I was 13, I started to purge. I would gorge on food and then stick my fingers in my mouth to throw it all up. When I realized I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain any weight, it was such a good feeling. People would notice me losing weight and compliment me on how good I looked and I loved that. It was easy to go to the bathroom and vomit when I was home alone, but that got difficult when others were around. I remember there were times when I would throw up in a bag in my room and then take that outside to trash bc I didn’t want anyone to smell it in the bathroom and know what I was doing. I know hearing this one would think I had a eating disorder and was bulimic but I never identified with that and still don’t. Maybe its me being in denial or crazy but for me I was always in control; it didn’t control me. I could go months without purging and it wasn’t something I needed. I only did it if I pigged out or needed to lose a few pounds. I did this all throughout high school and only stopped in college bc I was going to live in a dorm and didn’t want to risk anyone finding out. I guess I kinda grew out of it after that.

Well its not all bad bc towards the end of college, I really started getting into personal fitness and nutrition and dropped about 50 pounds within the span of a few months. Funny is that a few people asked me if I was sick or had an eating disorder. Nope it was all done naturally. If only I knew what I know now when I was growing up, things would have been so much different but back then I ate what was put in front of me, and that’s bc my family didn’t have the best eating habits. There’s of course some haters. I have a cousin who always tends to criticize the way I eat and try to call me out on being “too skinny”. No Im not bitch, Im healthy. Wow, cant believe I wrote this all down bc its not something I really talk about, I guess bc apart of it was that I was ashamed.