The Cocktail Lounge

[Soapsuds]

Too bad you didn't tape it. Your encounter with him and you could done a la Alexis......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMmeixA1SOI

It obvious he is at least bi if not gay but in the closet. I knew a guy who liked guys but couldnt be with one because of his family...in particular because of his dad...but he hated being told to have a gf......

[Khan]

Such is the price you pay, I guess, when you lead with your heart.

Thanks for the clarification, AMS. As best as I can tell -- and I admit, I'm nowhere near being an expert on such matters -- it seems to me the guy might have had (and/or still has) homosexual feelings and tendencies, but never felt confident enough to explore sexual intercourse with a man before that night. Then, once he did, he realized that whatever he feels he needs out of a romantic or sexual relationship, he can find it more with a woman than he can with a man.

Or...? The guy is actually bi-sexual, and an asshat, and he just fed you a line in order to get some dick. I mean, people are pretty damn evil sometimes.

[All My Shadows]

See, and that's the kind of closure I'm looking for. Too many questions, not enough answers, and I don't think it's fair that I should just have to deal with it when clearly he does whatever he wants to and can just move on without facing any scrutiny.

He's definitely, absolutely at least bi. He told me so himself, when the whole thing kicked off. We were all outside on the patio, and he just kinda randomly whispered in my ear that he was bisexual. We'd known each other for not even 25 minutes! Later, when we were alone on the patio, he said that he felt comfortable telling me that because he "could just tell" that I would understand him blah blah blah. I don't get it. Then he told me that his mother would die if she knew he didn't believe in God, and she'd definitely die if she knew that he really liked to give blowjobs. Which made me think that maybe he was just into fooling around with guys and nothing else. But then even later, he's talking about how weird he is because he likes both guys and girls, and I'm like...IDK. The kid was utterly confused and also coming off a massive drunken stupor, so it's hard to say what was really going on in his head. This is precisely why I reached out to him the next day -- not to get more sex, which would have been good anyway, but so that he could possibly have someone to talk to who's been in a similar position. He probably has no gay or bi guys in his life who could tell him to relax and that he's not the first nor will he be the last confused 18-year-old guy. Even if that ended up with him deciding that he's more attracted to girls than guys, I'd still feel good about helping him out.

[All My Shadows]

Mutual friend (let's call her Audrey) very slyly asked him how he'd feel about me going to the party lol "AMS wanted to hang out with me this weekend, and I was thinking about bringing him with me to your party, but I wanted to check with you first before asking him." His reply. "Everyone in the entire world is invited. Bring him."

[Bright Eyes]

Ah, so he wants an orgy. And you said he wasn't being clear.

[All My Shadows]

So yesterday was the party. I was a little worried because this storm was supposedly heading our way, and as I said, the party was wayyyyyyyyy down the bayou. The storm never came, so the party went on. Unfortunately for him, the location combined with the threat of a TS meant that not a lot of people showed up.

To make things extremely awkward, the party was actually a daytime function with family in attendance. AWKWARD, guys. Like, I had to talk to his mother while he was ten feet away. Me and Audrey went with her roommate ("Candice"), and Candice's boy-toy "Russ" (a long-time friend of both Audrey and the graduate) joined us a little later. Fortunately for me, Candice, Audrey, Russ, and I mainly stuck together. When the girls and I arrived, the graduate rushed to greet us. He hugged the girls, but we shook hands, but as we shook hands, there was this little grin on his face, with a slight nod, as if to say "Hey, it's good to see you, and we don't even have to talk about what happened between us." He was nice and cordial the entire time I was there, whenever he came over to talk to us, there was never this feeling of "I'm going to talk to them, but I'm not talking to you," and he had some weird eye-contact moments all throughout the little shindig. He can't sing for sh!t. Like...his singing is just absolutely terrible. Probably the most cringe-worthy singing I've ever heard in my entire life. Just...yeah. Really, really bad. But he was nice and cordial, so I was as well.

I felt good for a long time, because I felt like, you know, I was there, and I wasn't feeling anxious or awkward at all, and things were cool. I figured I'd been right -- just being around him and feeling non-awkward about it would be closure enough for me. There was a point where he came and sat with us and told us that his girlfriend broke up with him (that day) because him being away would be "hard" on her (I'm calling bullsh!t on the entire relationship, to be honest), but he didn't seem too extremely torn up about it. His parents are getting a divorce, and his dad moved to Texas with his girlfriend, and now he's upset because he's going to be in the military and unable to help support his mom and brothers. Apparently he'd dropped acid last weekend in the city, and we're all thinking he was hoping he'd get drug tested and wouldn't have to go to the service. So, in short, the kid's still going through a LOT, and of course, my downfall is that I'm attracted to the ones who need help/attention/care/understanding/love/support/etc, so I'm getting all wrapped up in his various problems, and I'm starting to think "You know, we could have had something -- not a relationship, but SOMETHING," but alas, it was neither the time nor the place for that, so I just kept it in and smiled graciously at everyone. Turns out he's actually leaving home tomorrow, not Tuesday; he has to be at boot camp by Tuesday.

When we left, he once again hugged the girls, and he hugged Russ, and he extended his hand for a shake again, but I thought it would be weird for him to hug everyone and then shake my hand, so I was just all "Oh, come here!" and hugged him, and once again, we just kinda looked each other in the eye, both slightly nodding with dopey grins on our faces, and just said "Bye."

I figured that would be enough closure for me, but as we continued to drive (the party was held very close to the gulf, nearly an hour's drive away from the main center of our area), I thought more and more about it...the girls asked if I was cool with how it all went, and I told them I was fine. The more I thought about it, though, more questions surfaced...what was he REALLY thinking about me? "Why did HE have to come? We knew each other for a NIGHT, and it was THREE MONTHS AGO, and I was drinking most of the time, and I TOLD him that I dont remember any of it, and doesn't he have a LIFE to tend to? Why in the [!@#$%^&*] is he still thinking of me? But Ill be nice and smile at the sad !@#$%^&*] so that he doesn't like slit his wrists or something." But then it's like, what if that wasn't what he was thinking? What if it was something more along the lines of "OMG he's here? Does this mean I was more than just a fuckin piece of ass to him? Did he really care about me after all? Is this really a person that I can trust and turn to for support that I don't get from others?"

So instead of playing the "what if" game over and over again while he's far away in the air force, I set my mind on texting him, and I hammered out a long, but to-the-point text. I discovered that closure for ME is about making sure others know exactly what my motives are. I can get very paranoid and think that people make snap assumptions about me and my actions sometimes and think of me very negatively because of it, and I always regret never stepping up and being upfront, putting myself out there for better or for worse. That was the problem all throughout The Great Drama of 2012. I NEVER stepped up and said exactly how I felt about anyone in that situation, and that was the main source of my dilemma. Constantly, I was worried about what others thought about me instead of telling them what to know about me. So I wasn't gonna let it happen this time, and so I hammered out the text message:

I sent it, and I immediately began to feel better. Just knowing that the truth is out there, that my piece has been spoken, was enough. He never replied, but that really doesn't matter. I know that he at least read it, and even if we never see each other or speak to each other ever again, I know that he knows exactly how I felt and why I felt it. I'm not the kind of person who just goes easily from interpersonal relationship to interpersonal relationship without missing a beat. I don't like to let the people I care about just "drift away" from me without any kind of closure, and in that short night, I grew to really care about this guy, so he's no exception.

So, in the end, I think I got the closure I needed. Probably wasn't what I was looking for, but it'll do. It'll take a little while for me to finally get over it, because the soap fan in me will always think about the hundred different scenarios that could have taken place instead, but I'll get there.

[ReddFoxx]

I finally got something to post in this thread. Last night, I decided to go to a Halloween Party, I walked to it since I didn't drive. I had a good time, got to dance a whole lot and drink a lot of soda (teetotaler). It was too dark to walk back, so I ended up staying with this dude that offered to take me home in the morning (I had flirted with him a bit on Facebook in the past). Won't get graphic, but needless to say, I really fooled around with a guy for the first time and it was not bad at all.

[alphanguy74]

WELCOME to the world!! LOL

[alphanguy74]

Some people.. especially those who are raised with shame issues about gayness, will say they are bisexual as a way of "Easing" into their self acceptance. Some people truly are bisexual, but 90 percent are gay... just too afraid to commit 100% to saying it. Some men wait until their forties and even fifties before they come out. Hell in the case of Meredith Baxter, she's a senior citizen.

[Soapsuds]

Good for you Redd!!

[All My Shadows]

So we have a new guy at the store, and I can't tell if he's gay or straight, and he's a little on the weird side, but really, I just want to have sex with him and not catch any feelings whatsoever. But given my history...

[NothinButAttitude]

You should just ask him nonchalantly. Tell him a few other employers were wondering. Or see if he is on social media. Snoop through pics and statuses, who he follows, etc. That'll give you some answers. At the end of the day, you only have one life to live. If it goes further, let it play out.

[Soapsuds]

So I ran into a guy...said hi to me 3 times...I wasnt sure if it was me he was saying hi to the 3 times but apparently it was....then I see him again working at a local clothing store...he came towards me so fast to help out....oye...not again......

[All My Shadows]

I thought you were suggesting I just nonchalantly ask him to have sex lol He mentioned something earlier tonight about a girlfriend, so he's straight. But then again, that's always been just a small formality for our bunch.

[NothinButAttitude]

Still investigate on his social media. That can tell you so much. Trust and believe.