The Cocktail Lounge

[EricMontreal22]

I went out last night, and in hindsight I wish I hadn't. A friend of mine was doing a drag show so I went to show my support. He waited outside with me to get a cab and a car load of guys jumped out and started beating him up. I jumped in before they ran away. Long story short my friend has a broken leg, and my forehead looks like pizza. I hate this world and everyone in it sometimes,.

[Soapsuds]

Sorry to hear that it happened to you and your friend. I am glad there are friends/guys like you in this world.

[alphanguy74]

That's just terrible. When it comes to being out late at night, I now carry that pepper spray at all times when out in the street, and keep my finger ON THE BUTTON at all times.

[NothinButAttitude]

Well I'm not turning straight but I do believe that many gay men are basket cases. Glad I'm not the only one that sees this

IMO, we want to be so different from heterosexuals yet we aren't. We still uphold ideologies that they've established and that unnerves me.

For instance, I recently got into it with a friend of mine and him complaining about his lackluster love life. We somehow got on his "preference" for men that he dates. He refuses to date anyone outside of his race (Caucasian), and I commented that his restrictions is causing him to be lonely. For all that he knows, his soulmate could be an Asian or Black man, and he'd never end up with him if he remains to be a victim of the "whitewashed" media in America (i.e. white is right).

He proceeded with bringing up that I don't have a man and choose to be abstinent. I had to remind him that that's my choice and I'm way more open than he is. My preference, though bad (I'm a work in process), are one likes age and body type. I'm sorry, I'm 5'11, 125lbs. I don't want a man that's old enough to have birthed me, and I don't want a man that might crush me in the potential throes of passion.

However, I've been questioning my fellow gays for the longest and noticing that we aren't as progressive as we claim to be. Interracial gay relationships aren't frequent where I'm from, yet heterosexual straight relationships are rapidly growing. I have to give it up to the "sistas" and white guys here in the south for being the most resistant to date interracially in the past, but now be for it nowadays. Gay interracial relationships (IMO) they're typically based off stereotypes (ex. "I only date black men b/c they have big. . . . OR Asians being submissive lovers OR the "Latin" lovers). And it's typically white vers/bottoms & black tops (I know, I'm getting deep) that are for interracial dating, not the other way around.

Been wondering why is that? . . . . I smell a research/essay on the horizon .

I just wonder why we remain wrapped up race and wonder why so many of us spend more time on a dating site finding the "perfect" man to fit our racial tastes. Or by our ideals of what a "man" is. I'm over people saying that they want to date someone "straight acting." Like WTF is that? You're gay. You'll never find someone "straight acting" b/c straight men don't date other men. Masculinity is not defined by burps, farts, sports, and aggressiveness. It's defined by who has the balls to get sh*t done and rise to the occasion.

Screw everyone else but I'm going to have my cake and eat it too. I refuse to be put in a perfect box enforced by the "straight" man, which we try so hard to escape.

Maybe I need to go back Europe (i.e. London & Paris) b/c the gays over there are progressive thinkers and aren't brain washed. Sh*t, I was worshiped over there. An American, gay, intelligent, black man with a southern accent--I had to swat those boys away because they were like flies on sh*t.

Rant over.

[EricMontreal22]

That sounds like an awful way to live, though. Thank you everyone for your sympathy.

[Soapsuds]

LOL...a funny and enlightening post....floved it.

[alphanguy74]

When it comes to men and people in general not dating outside their race, I find many times it comes down to cultural differences, and that not working in the context of the relationship. At least that's they way I feel about it. It's not a hard and fast exclusion, just a "In general kind of thing", Some people I find specifically date outside their race because it's "Different and exotic" to them, people have all different reasons for who they date, some pretty silly. I'm the same way with dating men of any kind who are very "Urbane", being an outdoorsy bubba, the two worlds just have a hard time getting together. The "I only want straight acting" crap is ridiculous. I totally don't care about that. As a matter of fact, I've known more than one person who keeps dating these really "butch" men, and they ended up being abused. I told them in my typical judgemental fashion "If they act like a straight man, they'll BEAT YOU UP like a straight man!"

[NothinButAttitude]

You're welcome!

Oh I agree that culture plays a pivotal role too, but I feel that majority of the time (from what I've encountered) it's usually racial. For example, White/Latin/Asian/Native American men categorizing Black gay men as being "thuggish" (when I am far from that), "feminine" (when I ask what is feminine and what is masculine), or they result to stereotypes/generalizations that don't apply majority: we're aggressive and always angry, we don't conduct ourselves well in public, we have big lips and big noses, etc. These are things I've heard from other races as to why they don't date black men. I just find it funny and love to be the one to undermine their ideals.

Again, I just think it's sad that so many gay man are on these dating sites whining about being lonely, yet they're have up all these walls, these rules that prevents them finding love. Now I know that people are going to have their rules (like I mentioned before that I do--I'm not totally against it but I tend to not date men old enough to have birthed me or someone that's really obese b/c you ain't crushing me) but something like race, which can't be changed is petty.

And I agree about "butch" men. They're fun to look at. Go out with for awhile but long term. . . . One of them hit me, it's on. I'm the type that'll wait till they're sleeping and do my damage then. Because I gotta get my vengeance. No free licks being passed around here.

[JackPeyton]

I don't really think it's fair to say "butch" men will hit you.

I have only dated the more "straight acting" men. The butch/masculine type. It's just my type, and it goes well more than not.

But I also have zero desire to be in a relationship. I like dating around and doing my own thing. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm basically single my entire life and I'm truly ok with that.

[Ryan Chamberlain]

OMG you guys. I think I finally know the actual meaning of being in love. And, I'm thinking that every other time. I've just been in lust with someone.

Have you all ever been so into someone that you feel woozy and drained of all energy.

Because, that's how I feel. Right now. And, not just on a sexual level either. Fully emotional.

Okay. Long story.

I was dumped from an on and off relationship back in March. That's the last time he spoke to me. I felt angry, depressed...a little like I was never gonna find someone again. But, right around that time as well. The guy who I had a serious crush on in high school 10 years ago added me on facebook and we started talking. Well, I gave no thought of it until about 2 weeks ago when he started flirting with me and saying that he wanted to see me. I want to see him too. But, I was scared of rejection. I'm still a little scared. But, for the past few days I have felt like a pile of jello mush everytime we've talked...and I feel like my heart is going to explode. Almost all the thoughts of rejection have melted away, so have the thoughts of my exes any other men. Also, worst of all. The thoughts of, well. This person has to not want kids if I get with them have melted entirely away. I seriously don't care if he wants kids if we ever get together. I just don't. I just wanna be with him. Period. I think I've known he was the one since I met him years ago. Even though I did quit thinking about him. I just kinda knew he'd pop back up into my life at a point where we were both adults and we could do what the fuckever we pleased.

The only bad parts are. I don't wanna come on too strongly. And, he has a hectic work schedule which is preventing us from seeing each other ASAP. Like we want. But, he seems to think that's gonna die down soon when he finishes this project. (He's an artist and works for a prominent local gallery...I kinda knew he would end up being one. He was always the shy artsy bookworm back in the day)

I think I found someone who isn't a douchenozzle.

Wish me luck. Pray. Do something.

[dragonflies]

I hate this time of year. Not the weather or the month or anything. I hate it cause this Thursday will be 3 years since I lost my brother his wife and my nephew. This time of year always is so hard and it brings up the feeling all over again that I feel like I'll never get over the loss, even though I've grieved and have moved past it. It just brings it all up again.

[Ryan Chamberlain]

*hugs to Angie*

[Mr. Vixen]

I'm sorry about all of that, and no judgement here. I haven't spoken to my brother in 4 years, for similar reasons. I can totally relate.

[NothinButAttitude]

Well I'm going off what I've seen through friend's experiences and them telling me. Me generally, I love normal gay men (I hate the phrase "straight acting" as aforementioned b/c we'll never be straight acting ).

And I wish I was like you. I want (and yearn) to be in a relationship but I am so busy right now that it doesn't fit in.

[All My Shadows]

What I learned today. When people talk sh!t about you behind your back, it's really not the sh!t that gives them satisfaction. It's the thought of talking about something behind your back and making you wonder that gives them joy. They'll never address the issue with you straight-up. It's not necessarily because they're scared of you, but because they're scared of the possibility that you might correct them in their sh!t-talking -- show them that the sh!t they think they're giggling about doesn't really exist in the way they believe it exists. That's why they do it behind your back, that's why they hide it and keep it a secret. That's why they never dare to say it to your face. I mean, really, why would they give you the chance to slowly erase a part of why they're living?

So many typos in this because I'm still technically drunk, but I was able to go back and fix them, so I'm good. !@#$%^&*] birthdays.