The Cocktail Lounge

[Bright Eyes]

Oh, then I have no clue who you're talking about. LoL

Proceed with AMS' drama, accordingly ...

[All My Shadows]

AMS's drama is completely up to date lol Just gettin' my Bonnie Franklin on...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M82CUd6isyY

[Scotty]

Now I'm the one with some drama......lol.

And it isn't the good kind, I'll tell you that....

[Mr. Vixen]

Spill!!!

[SFK]

You can get the preview in the status update section.

[Scotty]

I've been having women problems....lol

[Scotty]

So where to start? Just over a year ago we had some upheaval in our church. Several people left including our tech. team director. As assistant, I was asked to take over and agreed. I needed some help and several people suggested a woman who had not been coming to our church long because she was good with computers and other technical equipment. I said okay and e-mailed her and asked her to come and help. A few weeks later, there she was in the tech. booth learning the ropes and we started getting to know one another. This started in August of last year and by about January or so we had started sort of flirting around with one another, which continued for a few months. She had dropped hints about me coming over or driving to the nearest "big" city which is about 30 minutes away with her while she picked up some things. I was hesitant considering how my first real relationship had went some 7 years earlier (which did not end well at all.....and is a whole other story in of itself) and partially because she was 9 years older than me. Eventually I went over to her place and we watched a couple of movies together. I was already aware of some of her medical issues, which included not being able to have children and rather severe anxiety which could get so bad to literally not allow her to leave her house. I saw how she was around other people, where no one could touch her or get physically close to her without backing her into a corner and causing panic attacks. Anyway, I told her that she could come and set with me on the couch and watch the movie....just to see what she would do. Finally, to shut me up, she came over and cuddled up with me and learned that, despite her severe anxiety, that apparently I was the one person who could touch her and be close to her without her freaking out, which I found interesting and exciting at the same time. And to add to that, she realized that she liked it cuddling up with me like she did. And so it started. Should I continue? LOL

[Soapsuds]

Oh dear...I wouldnt have even one to her house.

[Scotty]

That's only the beginning. Within a month or so we had become intimate, which was one of the really nice parts of our relationship. We were together several times a week talking, being happy, cuddling, watching movies, having dinner together that she cooked, etc.... I know that I can get rather moody and sometimes did get upset and snappy at her and would "shut down" as she would say when she would ask what was wrong. I've always been like that, but with her anxiety she didn't handle it well and instead of doing what you would think she would do (try and help) she just got all defensive and panicky and it would take her days to chill out. I did apologize for getting moody and have tried to work on that. Then the medical stuff started....from where she couldn't have kids, she was in actual pain and suffered for awhile pretty badly so sex was out of the question for weeks and weeks....and then, once that began to clear up there were other health issues......so that created more stress for me. I have never had to handle all that kind of stuff before and will admit that I didn't do so well with it. All the while I realize that she has not fallen in love with me as fast as I have with her...she wouldn't say she loved me or anything unless I said it first. She just said that her family just never said that sort of thing.....which to me just seems crazy. I, meanwhile, did all sorts of things to shower her with affection which, given my limited resources at the moment wasn't anything fancy, but they were sweet things that came from the heart. About three weeks ago, she strongly suggested we separate for awhile so I could "work on some things," which I didn't accept and felt that not everything was my fault. Things seemed to be improving than I learned this past week that it was the anniversary of the death of her previous boyfriend which really, really meant a lot to her. They grew up together and knew one another for 31 years. I had known of him already but didn't know that it was the anniversary of his death until I drug it out of her. I always felt kind of like I was competing with a dead man. She said she had conflicted feelings and a part of her felt like she was betraying him. Gave her a few days to recoup and again showered her with more affection when I surprised her with several things again. Then the next night, I went over to her house for dinner as we had already talked about, only got a quick kiss from her, and then she blew me away with this "realization" that she had just had earlier that day that I just wasn't "the one" for her and that, while it would be difficult at first, we still really needed to just be friends. I will still have to see her and work with her at least a couple of times a week at church in the tech. booth and at various other church activities and events. And she lives pretty close to me and I will probably have to run into her from time to time out around town on the few times she runs out to get some groceries or whatever.

[Soapsuds]

I would move and run....lol...I think its best you move on. She seems to have lots on her plate. I keep picturing a Sharon Newman scene with her.lol...run my friend.

[Scotty]

lol......you crack me up. Well, overall she really is a nice person and everyone that knows her likes her and thinks a lot of her and she I agree that she can be nice....but she just can't handle much at one time and there are so many things we couldn't do because of her anxiety and whatnot....which by the way was the result of a severe brain injury a decade ago. It didn't slow her down or impair her mentally so to speak because she is pretty smart and resourceful, but just really screwed up her anxiety. It was a chore to get her out to do anything in public.

[Soapsuds]

I'd still run....lol

[Mr. Vixen]

Oh honey.

I'm sorry for you're heartbreak, but it sounds like homegirl was NOT ready to be in that kind of relationship. Why put yourself through that?

Part of me started to recommend that you find someone for a hookup, to get your mind off things...Then I remembered that you work at a church. So, no.

But I do suggest you just distance yourself from the whole situation and try your best to move on.

[Scotty]

Yeah, she talks about how even going out of the house to anywhere just freaks her out and she has to gather her nerve just to walk out the door. And I've started to wonder why I put myself through all that too....since obviously we couldn't do a lot of things like a normal couple. I think distancing myself will be a good thing to do and I think that I am slowly starting to realize that, still hurts like hell of course, but I think it is ever so slowly getting to that point. As for a hook-up, yeah, that might not be the best thing to do considering I help out at a church a lot, lol......

And it may sound silly or crazy but I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. To fall in love with, get married, and have kids.....and just be happy. Probably my biggest fear in life is ending up old and alone. I just don't want that to happen, however I am so very afraid that it will.

[Mr. Vixen]

I feel you buddy...I am so scared of ending up alone.