The Cocktail Lounge

[Mr. Vixen]

TELL US MORE, AMS!

[Cheap21]

What a JUICY soap!

[AllMyDaysatGH]

I'm sorry you had to go through all that embarrassment, AMS. I couldn't possibly hang out with the same people after they humiliate me. Usually when people throw shade at me like that I shut them out & never speak to them again; But now I'm starting to think maybe when I'm old enough to start drinking that could change...;-P.

If things can never go anywhere between you & Scott (the soap fan in me is hoping theres a miracle way), I hope you will be able to get past it eventually and find someone else (this time not from your work).

I could get used to SON scandalous story time. I have a few of my own HS stories from this past 4/5 years I could tell but i fear one of my track mates, teachers or even enemies could stumble across it on here. LMAO. You're brave, AMS!!

[SFK]

Seldom do I read such a lengthy post without the urge to skip ahead. Looking forward to part two of our little serial here.

BTW, I *knew* that Tommy had misinterpreted your promise to keep him happy at the theme park the moment I read you say that. That sucks, my heart goes out to you bearing through those awkward car rides and outings with "friends". They sound like such a couple of jerks during that two day ordeal.

[Soapsuds]

AMS you come off so different online with confidence. I am the same way where guys are concerned. Its hard to read them. You think you know them but you dont.

[WTGH]

Part 2 of this story needs to start RIGHT NOW!

[Soapsuds]

[SFK]

LOL, Soapsuds, I was thinking, "We'll return for part two of Guiding Light, in a moment."

[Soapsuds]

Okie Dokie

[All My Shadows]

Hmm...you have to remember that those drunken kisses were, essentially, the first time I've ever really kissed someone. I had sex with two boys in junior high and high school, but we NEVER kissed because that's not the type of relationships those were, at all. So I'd never really kissed anyone before "Scott," and when we were drunk at the time. Once I realized he was making out with people for the heck of it, I whispered in his ear that he would be my first kiss, and it happened. Then, later, it happened again, and then as the night was winding down, me and him were walking in an alley on Bourbon, my arm around his shoulder, and I asked for one more kiss before the night ended, and he gave it to me. It all sounds rather pathetic, a 22-year-old man begging someone for something as simple as a kiss, but it's basically a case of "sad but true." I don't know what a good or bad kisser is, but I'd say it was good. His lips were very soft, and his tongue moved very fast, and I liked it.

It was VERY hard for me to want to be around Tommy, Andrew, and Lindsay after the day at the amusement park. For a while, I was actually thinking about not going at all, but I wanted to go because A, Scott had asked me himself that he really wanted me to be there, and B, not going would have meant lying in bed on a Saturday night watching Alfred Hitchcock, which, for me, would have been fun, but in the grand scheme of things, Tommy, Andrew, and Lindsay would have "won," and I wasn't 'bout to let that sh!t happen. Getting drunk at Lindsay's house before leaving for NOLA helped though, so it was fine.

As far as things going anywhere between me and Scott...well...I'll just say stay tuned

*dead at the gifs!*

Yes, it was TWO DAYS. That weekend was so crazy! Not only did we do the amusement park on Friday and then Scott's birthday in the city on Saturday night, I also had my college graduation party with family on Saturday, so those 48 hours were just ridiculous. Rollercoaster emotions. I actually had to be at work Sunday morning, two hours after getting in from Scott's birthday, and luckily I was able to clock out early and get some rest/think about things.

I didn't really elaborate on the happenings in New Orleans, but I think I should. I say that everything was "fine" after I got wasted and committed to having a good time, but that's not completely true. By the time we got there, I was just over so much of it. Tommy and Andrew were pawing all over each other during the ride there, and then when we got to the club, they were making out on the dancefloor. Fine, whatever. Tommy wasn't mine to be stolen from. As the night went on, though, and Scott was making out with everyone, I noticed that there was a TON of making out and feeling up going on -- virtually NONE of it directed towards me. Any time I kissed someone, it was because I wanted to (and I have much more guts and autonomy when I'm drunk, so I go after what I want), and any time I danced one-on-one with someone, it was because I initiated it. All of the slutty gays, including Tommy, who proved to be quite the slut, were jizzing all over each other (not literally), and it made me feel left out. It felt as if the gay community was giving me a collective cold shoulder, and it hurt. The following weekend at the local bar played out in a similar fashion, and it made me just as hurt. I eventually got over it so that it doesn't HURT so much, but it still makes me think.

Yeah, I'm much more confident online, but I think we all are. There's a certain vulnerability to life that is pretty much nonexistent online.

I'm gonna get comfy and share the second part with yall in a few minutes! Thanks for all the kind words, guys. I swear, after the year I've had so far, it's good to know that people care!

[All My Shadows]

OK, so the sh!t hit the fan.

As I said, I initially had no idea at all what had happened. We'd all gone out the first Saturday in June to have drinks and to hang out, and everything had been fine. Of course, I was feeling blah after two consecutive weekends of feeling as if I wasn't accepted by my new gay friends, but everyone else seemed to be fine. Well, there seemed to be some trouble in paradise for Andrew and Tommy. They'd been hanging out non-stop all through the previous week, but it seemed the honeymoon was over before it had even began for them. The whole night at the local bar, Tommy was whoring himself around, and Andrew was getting tired of having to deal with it. I greatly enjoyed this because I felt it was karma for the way they'd humiliated me at the amusement park, but whatever. By Wednesday, everything had changed. Jenn had wanted me to switch shifts at work with her, and without getting too much into work-related stuff, I could basically tell that the only reason why she wanted to switch shifts with me was because she didn't want to work with Scott. I agreed to switch, but I was curious as to what had happened, so I just asked her why she wanted to switch. She said there was no reason, then she told me to tell her if Scott talked any sh!t about her the following day, and then I knew -- they weren't friends anymore. I DESPERATELY wanted to know what had happened, but I didn't ask. I started to see Jennifer and Andrew make angry subtweets that were clearly directed towards Scott, so I knew Andrew was involved as well, but I still couldn't put by finger on it. I was actually disgusted by some of the petty things they were tweeting, and even though I thought maybe I was getting over Scott, I was still fiercely protective of him, so I texted him to tell him that even though I had no clue what was going on, I would stand by him no matter what. He didn't tell me what happened, just told me that he never intended to hurt anyone.

The next day, nothing happened, and I learned nothing about what had already happened. I practice some good self-control in not just coming right out and asking. I didn't want to ask at work because I didn't want to be that person, and I didn't want to just text Scott and ask him because I didn't want to be that person, either. I didn't text Jenn or Andrew because I had already -- for better or for worse -- made the decision to be on Scott's side, so I didn't want to hear their version of events. I worked with both Andrew and Scott on the Friday, and Andrew refused to tell me what had happened, told me that it would be "better" for me not to know about it. I accepted that, but later on, he started talking sh!t about Scott to me while Scott was not even ten feet away, expecting me to join in. That pissed me off GREATLY because honestly, if you're not gonna tell me why I should look down at someone, don't expect me to look down at them with you. I firmly made my decision that whatever Scott had done, I would be on his side no matter what. I did not want to be on the petty bitches' side.

Well, it didn't take me long to figure out what had happened. Scott started to spend lots and lots of time with Andrew and Keith, the other guy. A little background on Keith. He grew up in a very sheltered, religious environment. He'd really opened up and come out of his shell a lot, and he and Jenn had had somewhat of a thing going on. She played a real good game of hard-to-get, though, and she always went just far enough with him to keep him coming back without actually going all the way with him or starting a relationship. She had him wrapped around her finger, and she knew it. He was crazy about her. Since he's so naive and easily influenced, however, we like to have fun with him, and for Scott's birthday, he'd gotten extremely drunk, to the point where he was making out with Scott, Mark, and Tommy. We'd all had little suspicions that he might have been gay, but none of us had ever really thought so because of his feelings for Jenn. After New Orleans, though, we'd all just chalked it up to him being drunk and needing to "explore." Even Jenn was fine with it. Well...like I said, I have a perceptive mind. I'd pieced it all together. Jenn and Andrew were pissed at Scott, Tommy, and Keith, and the only thing that made sense to me was that Scott had had sex with Tommy and Keith. It took a few days for me to get confirmation on this, but I eventually did. Scott had had a threesome with Keith and Mark several months earlier, and he'd told Tommy and Andrew about it. Andrew told Jenn, and Jenn's heart instantly broke into two pieces. She was mainly pissed because Scott and Mark had always encouraged her to get with Keith, but now the truth was out that the two of them had been sleeping with Keith all along. Of course, Scott's defense was that Jenn always treated Keith like crap -- which she DID -- and that she always pretended to not be interested in him at all. Keith wanted to try things out with him and Mark, and so he did. Jenn was pissed. Turns out Scott had also had sex with Tommy, the night we went drinking at the local bar. They were both very drunk, and "one thing led to another." They actually f!cked at Lindsey's house, in her 17-year-old brother's bed (he and their parents were out of town).

So I learned all of this, and my mind went into a frenzy. I was pissed because Scott was a whore. I wanted so badly to trust and believe that Jenn and Andrew were just being bitches, but I knew that they had legitimate reasons to be upset. Jenn, at least. Andrew...I didn't care about at all. After the crap he'd pulled at the amusement park, I realized just how shady and untrustworthy he was, and I knew all the pain he felt, he'd earned every bit of it. Besides, he and Tommy had only been talking for a WEEK AND A HALF. There was nothing there for Scott to break up between the two of them. But I was pissed. Scott, in my mind, was nothing but a ho. It ticked me off further because the way I saw it, Scott wanted to get some action, and so he chose a guy that his best friend was trying to get with and a guy that another of his friends was trying to get with. He would have rather been a crappy friend than to choose ME. I was not an option, or at least he didn't see me as an option, and that hurt a lot. I figured I was done with him, with all of them. They were all whores, and I wanted no part of it. Part of me, of course, felt extremely excluded, but I knew that that was only an immature part of me that couldn't see the bigger picture. There was nothing to be gained from being involved with any of these guys, and so I was over it.

Or at least I thought I was. I [i[still had feelings for Scott. After the negative feelings I'd had upon learning the truth, I slowly started to get over it. It played out like this in my mind: it wasn't their fault that I was destined to always be single and alone, to never have anyone. How could I blame any of them for not wanting me when it was clear that it was just my fate to be unwanted? Very unhealthy thoughts, but that's how I was able to get at peace with the situation.

But anyway. Scott, Tommy, and Keith became a trio. They went out to movies and dinner, they hung out together, they had sex with each other. I was still feeling left out and jealous, but once again, I accepted it as my fate. The more they spent time together, though, the more it became clear that something would have to give. It could only be a threesome for so long before two of the three broke off and the third was left alone. I was prepared for Scott to break off with either Tommy or Keith. I was 100% sure that he would have been in a relationship with one of them when it was all said and done, and I was perfectly fine with it. I just wanted him to be happy. I learned a lot about him during all this mess, and I knew that he just wanted to find a guy he could trust and love, one who loved him back just as much. I figured he would find it with either Tommy or Keith, but I was wrong. In the end, it was Tommy and Keith who broke off and became a couple, leaving Scott out in the cold. I immediately wanted to rush to his side, but I knew better. I gave him space, and I tried to gauge his reaction. He claimed to be fine with Tommy and Keith being together, but I knew better. According to Tommy, he'd taken it real hard that they'd chosen each other and not him. It tapped into his self-esteem and self-worth issues, and it sent him into a tiny depression. Jenn and Lindsey were no longer speaking to him, another friend they'd all mutually shared was no longer speaking to him, and now Tommy and Keith -- the guys he'd lost all of these friendships for and had been spending most of his time with -- were together and gradually pulling away from him. He felt alone, and even though he'd lie and say he was fine with being alone and spending time with himself, it was clear to me every time I looked him in the eye that this was just not true. And of course, I fell for him again, this time harder and deeper than I'd ever fell for anyone ever before.

Tommy and Keith were initially cool with Scott. They were together, but they still wanted to be friends with him. Tommy is young, though, and very jealous. He was scared that Scott would try to take Keith from him, so he started to cut Scott out of their lives, to the point where he and Keith pretended to "lose" Scott's number so that they'd have an excuse not to invite him to Keith's birthday dinner. Scott got on to that real quick, though, and decided to wash his hands of them since they were so clearly done with him. Tommy and Keith ended up being a total farce. They became "official" a mere three months after knowing each other, called it "love" a few weeks after that, and then about two months after they were together, they became engaged. Total farce. Scott felt he'd dodged a bullet (and so did I). All throughout this time, though, Scott and I got closer. He vented to me about Tommy and Keith's shenanigans, and I was a dutiful listener. I dropped bigger hints to let him know how I felt. I called him affectionate names, I never broke eye contact with him first, I paid so much attention to him and his feelings. I got to really, really know him, and he got to know me. We got to know each other's interests. He found out about my love of soaps, and it turns out he was named after an 80s soap character (none of you will ever correctly guess it haha). I found out more about his love of music, movies, and TV, and I figured out why he was so into fictional worlds -- because, growing up, he'd often gotten teased and picked on in school, and he needed somewhere to escape to where the real world wouldn't bother him. We shared stories, beliefs, values, etc, and it was just nice. It was nice because, after all that had happened in the earlier part of the summer, I never thought I'd ever have the chance to be that intimate with him. It got to the point where I knew sooner or later, the next logical step would have been for me to finally come right out and tell him that I was interested in him and wanted to take him out for a night. The problem, though, and this goes back to what me and SFK have periodically talked about for months now, is that I am terrified of being rejected. Even throughout all this "closeness" between Scott and I, something in me still tells me that it's foolish for me to ever think that he would ever want me in any way. He'd go out to New Orleans on the rare occasion with some of his other friends, and every time, it would feel as if I was losing my chance as he mingled with other, more attractive and exciting, guys. Soon, though, it would always go back to the way it had been, with him living a relatively humdrum, boring life, and me doing the same, just several miles away from each other. He'd occasionally talk about his desire to meet someone, and I'd do the same, but we'd never talk directly to each other about this.

Over the last few weeks, he's somewhat reconciled with Jenn, but they're nowhere near the friends they were before the summer. Andrew tries to sniff around as if nothing happened, but Scott and I both are not interested in trying to have a friendship with him. As of right now, this is the way it is: I want Scott a lot. A lot. A LOT. Any time I'm near him, I just feel an energy in my body, as if all of my nerves are on fire. I try my hardest to impress him, to make him smile, to make him laugh. I never can come up with the right words to say when I have a chance to say them, but then when the chance is gone, all of the things I should have said instantly come to me. Sometimes I say something stupid (like constantly trying to use the events of this summer as a conversation starter), and I wonder if saying the wrong thing is better or worst than saying nothing at all. I've come up with so many different strategies. I can just come right out and tell him that I have strong feelings for him and want to see what happens, or I can just ask him out to dinner and a movie without throwing my feelings out there so soon. I can write him a letter, but that's so juvenile. He likes for people to be upfront with him -- he told me that himself. When Tommy and Keith "lost" his number, he told me that he wished people would just tell him the truth, good or bad, about how they felt about him. Shouldn't that be my cue to just tell him how I feel? Shouldn't I be the first one who is truly upfront with him?

And then there's the part of me that feels that maybe I shouldn't be wasting my time with him. Not because I'm scared of being rejected but because I deserve BETTER. As much as I believe I've fallen madly in love with this boy, the facts of this summer still remain. He did some pretty nasty things, and maybe my hesitation to tell him how I feel is fate telling me that I don't need to be with him. Then there's the part of me that can easily see that the only reason why he's had sex with so many guys is because that's his way of trying to "trap" them into being with him. He thinks sex will keep them interested in him, and it will for a while, but as he learned with Tommy and Keith, sex won't keep a guy forever.

I don't know. I want him SO BAD. He's sweet, and he makes me laugh, and we share so many interests, and I can just see the two of us spending so much time together and truly enjoying it. Of course, I want to sleep with him. He's gorgeous. Not perfect by any means, but he's flawless in my eyes. But it's so, so, so much more than just sex. I want him for who he is, and I want to make him feel special, the way that no other guy has been able to make him feel. But the problem remains the same. It's always the same. I lack confidence, courage, guts, chutzpah, balls, whatever you want to call it. There have been these tense moments where he and I were alone at work, and I knew exactly what I should say, and I could almost taste the words on my tongue, but I just couldn't bring myself to give life to the thoughts in my head. It's annoying, it's frustrating, and it's slowly driving me crazy on a daily basis!

That's basically it for now, though. It's a day-to-day thing, where some days are good and it seems like we're getting closer to "that moment," but then some days are bad, and it seems like it's all a waste of time. IDK where it's gonna go or for how long, and it's frustrating as the f!ck.

Sorry these two posts have been so long! I've been promising updates for the longest time, and now that I've finally gotten it off my chest, it feels SO good! I fully expect stories from the rest of you SONs of bitches!

[AllMyDaysatGH]

Extremely unhealthy! I get that's what you had to do to get over it but I hope you don't really believe that about yourself, I think you should be thinking more like

THIS! And at all times. You deserve the best.

I guess what I'm wondering now is...does Scott do any of the same things to you that you find yourself doing w/him (because your really into him)? Does he seemingly do stuff to impress you, make you laugh, etc as well? Or is it just you? I think you're wasting your time lusting over him if he's not putting in as much effort into your growing relationship as you are. I think this is definitely a situation where you have to analyze him & the way he acts towards you when your with him and try to distinguish if he could be feeling the same about you as you do with him or not. The soap fan in me is now thinking/hoping Scott is as anxious to open up to you & share his feelings as you are with him.

I think you have to figure all this out & take some action soon so that you don't drive yourself any more crazy. You're a great person no matter what though & I hope you will be ok ;'-)

[SFK]

You are such a great writer, I mean, don't get me wrong, I know this is your LIFE, but you express yourself so well and in such an interesting, readable way. I only wish that the names were replaced with headshots so I could effortlessly keep up with who is who. Wow. Well, my gut tells me that while Scott is certainly not "the one", he is worth a try. For your sake. Lay it out there. No cards, no candles, no flowers, just simple, "Let's go out." You may get a few dates and even some play out of it, and again, while my gut tells me that if he tosses some real or imagined romance your way, you will indeed fall harder, and his fickle ass will most likely break your heart, but AMS, I think it is worth it to do the do, to get it out of your system, to say that you at least tried, won/failed, loved a little, grieved, got over it. You just have to give it a go with this guy, for the sake of your relationship trajectory. I honestly think that you will come out on the other end a stronger, more secure potential mate for future prospects. You can't carry this dude around on your back as the great "What If?" of your life. You've got to DEAL with him. Now.

I have missed the boat more times than I care to remember. They wanted me, yet I wasn't up to my own standards, and by the time I came around, they had lost interest. You may want the champagne and soft lighting, but maybe Scott will never be willing to give you that. Is that a deal breaker? Having sex with someone you find physically attractive yet you've discovered is SO not worthy of the worship can be very satisfying, healing, even. I know it's easier said than done, but I think you just have to embrace the fact that this dude is flawed and a great relationship may not be in the cards, but you are a WONDERFUL person with nothing to lose, and just as easily as he came into your lif, there are a million other guys who could just as easily do the same. Don't get stuck in your bubble of workday convenience. It's a trap I've fallen into myself. When your work group is also your social group, it becomes this safe, comfy, microcosm and you lose sight of the many, MANY untapped possibilities out there. In sort, ask this guy out, be prepared to be turned down, or to date him, kiss him, [!@#$%^&*] him, love him, hate him, be done with him, like him again as a friend, be at peace, move on...

[Cheap21]

I do tend to skip over really long posts but I was absolutely enthralled by yours. Very good reading and I hope everything works out for you. How old is Scott? Also does he really have NO clue you have feelings for him? The way you write, it seems hard to believe someone can be that oblivious to whats going on around them

[All My Shadows]

Thank you all for your advice

Sometimes, I have a strong feeling that he is indeed trying to send some hints my way, too. Several times this summer, there were moments where I just knew that he was trying to wink or nudge me along to make a move. All throughout the ordeal when various people were angry at him, I'd constantly tell him that none of those people mattered because I still liked him ("as a friend," though that was never said, just understood), and he'd kinda just smile bashfully and say that he knew that. I never knew whether to read this as him acknowledging that he felt the same or similar or if he was just trying to acknowledge the fact that he knows how I feel but doesn't want to break my heart by talking about it and telling me that he doesn't feel the same. There was definitely a moment when I knew I'd made some kind of breakthrough, though. One day, he, I, and another girl (who is strictly a supporting player in the drama -- she's actually been a good confidante for me; I've never explicitly talked about Scott with her, but I've talked about the problem without using names) were talking about Tommy and Keith's ridiculous relationship. Tommy ended up coming into work that day, just as I was leaving, and I asked Scott how he felt about having to work with Tommy all day. Up until this point, any time I'd ask him something like that, he'd always say that he'd be "fine." He would always play it off as if it was no big deal, as if he didn't want anyone to worry about him. He said he'd be fine with working with Tommy all day, but I told him I didn't believe him, and then he finally admitted that he wasn't gonna be okay with it. Of course, I f!cked it up by just telling him to "cheer up and be happy!" (instead of telling him that it was OKAY for him to not be okay with it and that I would be "okay" for him). The point is, though, that it was the first time he truly trusted me enough to let me in his feelings, which isn't something he does easily with anyone at all. He's been picked on and teased his whole life for being emotional and different, so he's extremely guarded. He let his guard down with me, and I didn't seize the opportunity the way I should have at all. As he's gotten over the whole mess of the summer, it's become harder for me to get to the gut of his feelings again, though, so I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to show him that I care about him on that level again any time soon.

He's also done some other mildly flirty things that I've noticed. Certain looks, smiles, giggles...about on par with the same that I've been doing with him. But remember, he's even more hesitant to do such things than I am, so it's sometimes it's hard to tell what he really thinks/feels.

I actually predicted in May that the summer would be a long, eventful one, and I always meant to keep a journal of EVERYTHING so that I could make some money off of this in the future. I have a good memory, though, so don't be surprised if "Retail Hell" is the soap that brings daytime back circa 2025!

I knooooooooooooooow. It's so, so hard, though. I swear I've gotten closer and closer, and I feel like the strength to just DO IT will come out at any time. Just about every Saturday night for the last few weeks, we've worked together, and I always ask about his plans for the night. Every single time, he says "Nothing, I'm going home," and then he posts on Facebook about cuddling up with himself and a movie, while I'm doing the same with Melrose Place episodes on Netflix. A part of me believes that duh, of course he'd rather spend the night having dinner and seeing a movie with me than being alone, but the other part of me is like pleeease, he'd MUCH rather spend the night alone than with you. I can be so vicious to myself, and it's really kept me from doing so many things in my life.

This is what scares me more than anything else now. The possibility that I'd had a real viable chance with him, but I don't anymore because he got tired of waiting. But by the same token, I've been doing just as much waiting as he has, yes? Neither one of us are good at making the first move. I had to force myself to start talking to him last year, and I had to force myself to keep talking to him.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best?

One thing I want him to understand is that I am not interested in him just for sex. Part of the reason why I kinda backed off after all of the drama of the summer happened was because I felt that if I made a move then, so soon after his sexcapades with Tommy and Keith, he would have thought "Well, he knows that I've had sex with Tommy and Keith, so he probably thinks I'm easy and just wants to get some ass," which is so far from the truth. So I kinda chilled, but now I think that thought wouldn't even cross his mind. I've shown him more than once that I care about him as a person and only want him to be happy. I've always always always just wanted the guys I've had feelings for to just be happy. Scott is the fourth guy. The first three are all engaged to be married, and I couldn't be happier for them. I just want my boys to be happy, even if it's not with me. I almost feel as if all of my pain and misery will vanish if I could help Scott find a boyfriend. That way, he'll be happy with a boy, and I won't want him as much anymore. Another unhealthy thought, but it's a thought nonetheless.

I keep telling myself I'm gonna tell him how I feel, but whenever I'm backed up against the wall, I look for ways out. If we're leaving work together, and he's doing something on his phone, I automatically assume that he's making plans with some guy that he's been wanting to spend time with, and spending time with me could never compete with that. When he says he's going home and doing nothing, I assume he's doing that because it's what he's chosen for the night and he's not at all interested in going out with anyone. Neat, easy excuses. He doesn't make it easy for a person to touch him, so I feel like this is harder than it normally would be with any other guy.

He's 26. I honestly think he knows. He's either waiting for me to make a move, or he's hoping not to lead me on too much so that I don't think there's a chance. I don't know. I just wish everyone in this situation had the guts to be open and honest with everyone.

Tommy and I have never his misinterpretation of my friendly gesture or its aftermath, but we've vaguely danced around it. He knew that I thought Andrew was a worthless piece of sh!t, and he pretty much two-and-two together to figure it out. He's probably wondering why I haven't cut him off the same way, and the be honest, I don't know why I haven't. I kinda give him a pass because he's young, but Andrew's young, too, so I don't know. I feel that Tommy was heavily influenced by Andrew into making a fool out of me. The thing with Scott got so frustrating that I even tried to talk to Tommy about it. We were talking about everything that had happened, and I mentioned how in the whole situation, there was one person whom I held at the bottom of the list (Andrew) and there was one person whom I held at the very top. He said he had a pretty good idea of who that was, and of course he knows it's Scott, but we never said his name. He thinks I would be wasting my time, but that could easily be his dislike of Scott talking.

EVERYONE I've talked about this with has basically said the same thing. I need to get it together and ask this boy out. Don't go at him with all of these feelings, but just start slow. Take him out, have a good time or have a bad time, and then just go from there.