The Cocktail Lounge

[Bright Eyes]

I don't think AMS does too personal.

[All My Shadows]

No, I don't do too personal at all

We were never an item. To clarify, this was merely a crush, but it was a crush that grew and developed over about 8-10 years, all through those stormy, formative preteen/teenage years. When we were kids, he was an extremely important part of my life. Like, we had almost all of our classes together for several years. Once high school hit, we were in different circles and no longer had classes together, so we barely spoke, but when we did, it was always the same -- as if no time had passed and nothing had changed. He would always be as sweet to me and protective of me as he'd always been, and he'd always do and say those little f'n things that made me wonder if the feeling wasn't just something I was dreaming up in my own head. For the longest time, there were rumors that he could never keep a girlfriend because he was gay, and he was also clashing with his stepdad because he was gay and blah blah blah. I didn't believe them simply because I couldn't bring myself to believe that the guy I wanted could possibly want me back, so it was just whatever. I accepted it as a schoolboy crush, and then I thought I was over him. And then I saw him at a football game, we talked for FIVE MINUTES, and I was thinking about him allllll over again. But again, it died, I got over it, it was done. And then last night happened.

I realize that this was never more than just a crush on my part, and I should have accepted that and moved on years and years and years ago, but every time I do, something happens that digs it up all over again, and it's driving me crazy. Especially because I know that thinking about this guy might make me less willing to pursue the other guy, who is openly gay and I might have a real shot with.

[Mr. Vixen]

Well, there's your obvious option -

LOL, but in all seriousness -

Go after the guy at work. It sounds like your high-school sweetheart, so to speak, is having trouble dealing with who he is. It seems that he may be gay, but just isn't ready to fully admit it. And by trying to be involved with him, you're only going to wind up hurting yourself. If he is gay, he'll come out in his own time. And then? Pounce all over him, boy! But until them, you are only going to wind up hurt, and then SoapBoy will have to head down to Nawlins to whoop some ass for you! Nobody hurts my SON family and gets away with it!

So go after another guy, have fun, maybe find love. Explore the field - Don't let one guy who may or may not be interested, allow you to miss out on the potential to find happiness.

[SFK]

I agree with SB, go for the guy at work, even though that might get messy in its own way. But work romance can be fun, and it sounds like you may be working retail where people come and go and get transferred all the time so I wouldn't even worry about potential awkwardness in the future.

I don't want to read into things, but high school guy sounds like a nice guy but also one who perhaps enjoys the way he makes you feel, which I think he is aware of. A lot of people enjoy attention and flattery regardless of who it's coming from. He already likes you, and if he senses that he has an "effect" on you, he may be even more drawn to your company regardless of his sexuality. So I would be cautious just for the sake of your feelings. Let him call you.

[alphanguy74]

Glad to see this thread back! AMS, that's a tough one. I'm not sure how I would have responded. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I imagine him being a closet case on the DL, and him using you for action, do you get that vibe from him? The fact that he just dissmissed his skank so he could talk privately with you does kind of send off some bells and whistles in my book. And you have a chance with the guy you work with, too? I think I would also go with the guy at work because even IF your crush were to reciprocate, something tells me that he'd remain closeted and cause you heartbreak in the future.

[Mr. Vixen]

Okay, I have to ask. And this may be too much but what does everyone think about......pubic hair? I was just having this conversation with a group of friends. I find it disgusting and don't think anyone should have it. You?

[SFK]

[alphanguy74]

What exactly about it bothers you? This seems to be a phenomenon of the younger generation and it always puzzles me.

[All My Shadows]

Thank you all for your advice! In my mind, I'm pretty set on the work guy for right now. If something should happen with the other guy, then we'll see, but once I get over the novelty of thinking about my first crush, work guy has all of my attention.

Of course, the story with work guy isn't so easy either, but it's really all on my end. This goes back to all of the rejection talk from last week. I'm EXTREMELY self-conscious and VERY hasty when it comes to declaring some kind of romantic interest in someone. Basically, the story with this guy started a few months ago. My best friend has been working at our store for several years, and she's gotten very close to a lot of the people there over that time, and one of those people is the guy I'm interested in. He broke up with his boyfriend in around March or April, and around that time, I'd constantly complain to my BFF about being single/lonely/impatient/etc, and she'd always mention "this cute gay guy at work." At the time, I thought nothing of it at all because I really had no intentions of working there or meeting the guy, so it was just whatever. When I finally applied there (something I should have done years ago, mind you, because AMS has been broke for most of his college experience), I finally saw him for the first time and was totally blown away by how GORGEOUS he is, but we barely spoke or anything, so again, I didn't think much of it. In the back of my mind, I hoped that something could happen, though. We became Facebook friends, and after a while, I could tell that we share a lot of things in common as far as outlook on life, taste in music, morals/values, etc. The trouble, of course, is that he is extremely shy around people he's just met, and so am I, so there were a lot of awkward moments of silence between us at work. It didn't take long for us to start having brief conversations, though, and then we'd start to make that type of small talk that you only make with people you're comfortable with (trivial things like "Sh!t, it's cold in here today" and "I'm tired of these damn customers!"). All the while, my interest was getting stronger, and as it became clear to me that he was feeling the lonesome wintertime blues and was looking for someone, I started to wonder...why CAN'T that person be me? To make it even more pressing, we're doing a secret Santa pull at work, and of course, I pulled his name, so now a part of me is thinking the fates are either trying to give me the courage or are in need of some serious LOLs at my expense.

I'm just so TERRIFIED of being rejected. Absolutely terrified. In all my 21 years, rarely have I ever opened myself up that way to anyone. All throughout school, my serious crushes were on straight boys, so I had a legitimate excuse to be tight-lipped about my feelings. I came out to one guy that I really, really liked, and that resulted in two years of being led on and taken for granted and what-not. I don't think the same thing would happen with this guy (for one, he's four years older than me), but I'm more concerned about whether or not he would be the least bit interested in me. I may not have let enough of the things we have in common shine through enough for him to say "Hmm, I could enjoy spending time with that guy." Also, like I said, he is incredibly adorable and has a nearly flawless body. AMS...does not. I'm not huge by any definition of the word, but I'm way more "average" than I'd like to be, and as much as I don't think this guy is shallow or superficial, I think he might have a very specific type that he primarily goes after, and I'm not it. At the same time, though, I have this *winning* personality of mine that manages to charm hoes in different area codes. I've talked vaguely about it to my BFF, and she thinks I should give it a try, and I kinda fell into a conversation about it with the guy's closest co-worker (they are both in charge of a major part of our store operations and have been for yeeeeears), and she also thinks it's worth a shot. But I'm still terrified.

Anyway, my plan for now is to write something in the card I got him for Christmas, and it must be something very sweet but also mildly flirty so that if his antenna is in any way at all pointed in my direction, he can get the signals, but if not, it can just be written off as me being all mushy and syrupy for the holidays. I have a general idea of what I want to write, but I'm kinda holding off on that because I have this strange feeling that something's going to happen within the next few weeks (the party is going to be after Christmas.....I know, right?) that will drastically change what I want to write to him.

And damn, that was long! I told yall I needed this thread!

Oh, and I should mention, there have indeed been reasons for me to suspect that he might feel the same way. He always breaks into this severe case of smiles and giggles whenever he has to talk to me about something at work, and whenever I steal a glance at him, guess where his eyes are already directed. Anytime I gather up the strength to ask him something work-related, it's almost like there's an understood sense of "We like each other, but we're both very nervous."

Really, I view pubic hair like all other hair. As long as it groomed and cleaned properly, it's whatever. Don't come 'round with no Amazon rainforest crotch, and you're fine.

[Shawn]

Pubic hair is fine, but people should act like gardiners and trim their topiary though. There's nothing worse than catching a glimpse at what looks like a wig between their legs.

I've been with people who are completely smooth, and it freaked me out. I felt like a pedophile.

[alphanguy74]

Oh hell, AMS.... you should definately ask him out. Or let him know in some way. Don't be intimidated by his looks, I've had people not ask me out because they thought I was "too pretty" and I wish they would have! That don't happen no more, getting old is a bitch! LOL And also don't worry about the body thing. Yes, the gay community is filled with gym bunnies who look down upon anyone without a six pack, but you don't WANT these shallow queens, so if he turns you down for that reason, look upon it as dodging a bullet. One of those VERY bitches told me I was too fat "but I'll work it of of ya" right to my face.... I'm 5'11", and at the time I was 172 pounds. Gym bunnies will usually have a certain type of personality, though... and shy and giggly ain't it. Don't fear rejection too much... it goes back to that "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" thing.

And soapboy... I don't mind some trimming, but NO shaving down there, ever. I don't want any prickly pear crap rubbing up against me in any way, shape or form. And I want things to look natural, yet not overgrown. It's the same way I trim bushes for my clients....I make them look full and mature, yet still natural, I hate trimming shrubs into little balls, you might as well buy a green styrofoam globe and place it in your yard.

[Mr. Vixen]

I think my disdain for pubic hair comes from one of the first encounters I ever had with a girl. It was just a ridiculously large forest. And she told me she'd never trimmed or shaved. It was like the world's largest brillo pad. And it repulsed me. Needless to say, we never hooked up.

I also just don't like the way it feels. If I'm trying to have happy time with your lady parts, I don't want to have to dig through a layer of shag carpet. If it's very short, trimmed properly, and CLEAN, then I can deal. But I just can't handle the long-curlers. Can't. Do. It.

[alphanguy74]

Oh, your'e talking about women... I know it might be a kind of "barrier"... but I got zero experience in that area, so I can speak no further LOL!!

[Mr. Vixen]

LMAO! Yes, I was talking about women. I should have clarified.

[cct]

AMS, glad you're thinking of "work guy." "HS Guy" is just playing with you. He knows and he's flattered, but it's not going anywhere else.

The fact we are also discussing pubic hair makes me simultaneously erupt into hysterics and roll my eyes, but if we're on the subject:

I want something that lets me know she's a woman, but not something that needs combed, OKRR?