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Dial M for martyr with this big-hearted gal. Ellen is one of soaps' all-time nitwits. It takes her years to do something healthy like leave Ross when he is unfaithful to her a second time, but Ellen also frightens with her ability to negate any progress she makes in one fell swoop. And this is how she did it most recently: Under oath she testified at Rossie's trial that no, she didn't think a man like her husband, a known alcoholic prone to violence and sexual promiscuity, could have raped his former mistress, Natalie Cortlandt, despite a previous plea by the ravaged plaintiff to believe her. We could see Ellen wanted to, but she's not really capable of thinking the worst about anyone, which in the case of her errant husband, is the only choice a woman has.

Whatever slings and arrows outrageous fortune sends her way, Ellen can take it. She was built to last, and suffer. But I give up. May the truck find her. And park.

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