Edited January 2, 200817 yr by Ryan Chandler
Added New Picture

OK, so last night I had an incredible one-night stand with a guy I met four hours prior to gettin' it in. As it stands, whether or not we'll ever see each other again can go either way. We met at a party thrown by a mutual friend, and I swear I'm not interested in a relationship with this guy. I just want some kind of regular vent-and-vent sessions, because we talked for a looooooooooong time before about lots of things before we slept together, and I'm highly interested in continuing that. But I do NOT want a relationship. How exactly do I go about acting on this desire, when I'm not completely sure how "the morning after" has been for him at this point?

What happened with the guy you are attracted to?? The one you really want??

Well I'm not turning straight but I do believe that many gay men are basket cases. Glad I'm not the only one that sees this

IMO, we want to be so different from heterosexuals yet we aren't. We still uphold ideologies that they've established and that unnerves me.

For instance, I recently got into it with a friend of mine and him complaining about his lackluster love life. We somehow got on his "preference" for men that he dates. He refuses to date anyone outside of his race (Caucasian), and I commented that his restrictions is causing him to be lonely. For all that he knows, his soulmate could be an Asian or Black man, and he'd never end up with him if he remains to be a victim of the "whitewashed" media in America (i.e. white is right).

He proceeded with bringing up that I don't have a man and choose to be abstinent. I had to remind him that that's my choice and I'm way more open than he is. My preference, though bad (I'm a work in process), are one likes age and body type. I'm sorry, I'm 5'11, 125lbs. I don't want a man that's old enough to have birthed me, and I don't want a man that might crush me in the potential throes of passion.

However, I've been questioning my fellow gays for the longest and noticing that we aren't as progressive as we claim to be. Interracial gay relationships aren't frequent where I'm from, yet heterosexual straight relationships are rapidly growing. I have to give it up to the "sistas" and white guys here in the south for being the most resistant to date interracially in the past, but now be for it nowadays. Gay interracial relationships (IMO) they're typically based off stereotypes (ex. "I only date black men b/c they have big. . . . OR Asians being submissive lovers OR the "Latin" lovers). And it's typically white vers/bottoms & black tops (I know, I'm getting deep) that are for interracial dating, not the other way around.

Been wondering why is that? . . . . I smell a research/essay on the horizon .

I just wonder why we remain wrapped up race and wonder why so many of us spend more time on a dating site finding the "perfect" man to fit our racial tastes. Or by our ideals of what a "man" is. I'm over people saying that they want to date someone "straight acting." Like WTF is that? You're gay. You'll never find someone "straight acting" b/c straight men don't date other men. Masculinity is not defined by burps, farts, sports, and aggressiveness. It's defined by who has the balls to get sh*t done and rise to the occasion.

Screw everyone else but I'm going to have my cake and eat it too. I refuse to be put in a perfect box enforced by the "straight" man, which we try so hard to escape.

Maybe I need to go back Europe (i.e. London & Paris) b/c the gays over there are progressive thinkers and aren't brain washed. Sh*t, I was worshiped over there. An American, gay, intelligent, black man with a southern accent--I had to swat those boys away because they were like flies on sh*t.

Rant over.

Interesting post....as a black guy myself I'm attracted mostly to white guys just I find them more fun. I just feel like the majority of black guys I've met are either too messed up psychologically/emotionally or just plain boring as far as relationship material. I wanna laugh and make jokes with someone one minute and then the next be able to have a serious convo about life and the direction we might be heading in....

So far I haven't fall into the doldrums of weddings. But I am starting to feel the urge to have kids....I have no idea where it came from or why I want them so badly. Probably to show my idiotic parents that I'll be better at it then they ever were....

As for brothers my fellow siblings have refused to speak to me after I revealed my big secret to them. I'm starting to doubt whether they'll ever understand me or even care...

Edited July 11, 201312 yr by Soapsuds

PARTY IN THE USA is soooo stuck in my head!

Jesus Christ! Just shower everyone else with love and affection, but immediately dismiss Aries as being worthless.

Jesus Christ! Just shower everyone else with love and affection, but immediately dismiss Aries as being worthless.

Are you an Aries..AMS....lol

I wonder what Vee is....lol..and others....lol....

Edited July 11, 201312 yr by Soapsuds

What happened with the guy you are attracted to?? The one you really want??

A lot of nonsense. NOT on his part, mind you. I've just gotten very good at reading the signs, and I've accepted that he's not interested, and no longer am I. Well, I still have feelings for him, and those won't go away for a while, but I've come to terms with the fact that we'll never be together, and I'm fine it. Our friendship is great, and I don't want to lose it, so it's all good as far as he's concerned. Thank god.

I'm a Pisces... I've never heard that I was selfish and mean before (I do tend to like Aries though as well as Scorpios which I had always been told was one of the trouble signs...) You must have made that up, Soapsuds.

Shadows, have you talked to Mr One-Night yet?

Ugh lol I actually talked to him Sunday night via Facebook, and he claimed he "blacked out" the night before and remembered "extremely little." He was "told" he was with me most of the night, so he wanted me to help him remember what happened. I guess an important detail I forgot to mention is that he is eighteen years old.

In an effort to avoid another enormous post from yours truly, I'll explain as briefly as I can, but it's sorta complicated. One of my work friends (COMPLETELY unrelated to The Great Drama of 2012) graduated from high school in May and is starting at our local 4-year university next month. She and her BFF (who is 22, a year younger than myself) moved are moving into a house in the university town and had a housewarming party Saturday night. I didn't know anyone there except for my work friend, but I really thought it would be a good idea to go and meet new people because my social life has gotten a little monotonous lately. Going in, I knew that most of the people there would be 18-20 years old, and I was fine with that. I really just wanted to chill, have a few drinks, have some nice conversation with some new folks, and let that be the end of it. But anyway, I ended up meeting this guy, who also just graduated in May (and I've taken to referring to him in conversation as "the graduate"). I thought he was cute, but I was NOT there with the intention of looking for a guy. Apparently, he was feeling differently, because he decided to tell me his "secret" that he "thinks boys are cute" and that he's bisexual. He was drunk off his ass, of course, but he ended up telling me some very personal things and he kept feeling me up and stroking my ego for whatever reason. Eventually, he vomited and sobered up, but he was hungover pretty bad, so I stayed with him as he just sat on the bathroom floor, constantly trying to flush his face down the toilet. We talked some more, he told me more personal things. I told him some things as well to kinda cheer him up, because he was really beating himself up for various reasons. I got him into the guest room, where he passed out immediately, and I ended up falling asleep on the floor. Our mutual friend came to check on us, and I told her straight up that I was not there to take advantage of the kid or try to have my way with him, even though it would have been extremely easy to at that point. He woke up after sleeping for an hour and a half, and I was getting ready to leave, but it was extremely cold in the room, so he begged me to get into bed with him to keep him warm. Against my better judgment, I did, and within like five minutes, he was touching my junk and pulling my clothes off, and I wasn't stopping him. After all was said and done, we parted on good terms. We kinda talked and giggled throughout the whole thing, but he was adamant that it remain a secret between the two of us. Everyone else in the house started sobering up, so he was finally okay with me leaving, and even as I was leaving, he just sat up in the bed, grinning at me like a dork.

This is a very tricky thing because this was, in essence, my first sexual experience as an adult. I believe I've posted about my early teenage sexcapades, but for nearly ten full years, I was drier than Death Valley. I think the graduate just assumed that I was way more experienced than he was, because he kept telling me that he was "a virgin with guys," but I think we both managed well to say that we were both nervous as hell (neither one of us finished, thank god, the mess would have been hell to clean up).

Anyway, to sum it all up. I'm 23 years old, and I just lost the last quarter of my virginity in a one-night stand with an 18-year-old. Our mutual friend has already called bullsh!t on his "blacked out" nonsense, and he seemed to be perfectly fine when I told him the total truth about what happened. He seemed more concerned about the secrets he told me than what we did in bed, to be honest. The lingering feelings I have, though, have very little to do with the sex part and so much more to do with the four hours we spent talking before that. He was drunk at first, and I was pretty buzzed out, but as we both sobered up pretty quickly, we shared a LOT of information with each other, and I have to admit that there was a point in there when I knew that something would most likely happen between the two of us.

In the days that have passed since my initial post about this, though, I've kinda gotten over it. I think I hung on to it for a while because it was indeed my first intimate experience. When I was 12-13 years old, those guys only wanted to use me to get off. We never kissed, we never talked about it. This time, it was different, and since my sex/love life seems to be on the delayed plan, I guess it's fitting that I'm reacting to this one-night stand the way a 17-year-old girl would. But, as I said, I've come to terms with it in the last few days. We exchanged phone numbers after I "helped him remember" what happened, and I texted him once to try to start a conversation (to see where he stands on the whole thing), but after responding once, he never replied, so if he's content with forgetting the entire thing and pretending like it never happened, then I will be too.

Of course, the age difference bugs me, but not as much as it did the day or two after. I immediately apologized to my friend because I do NOT want to be known among her group as "that creepy old perv who had sex with..." but she wasn't bothered in the least about it, and none of the others seemed to be either (they kept thanking me before I left for "taking care" of their friend lmao they can't be that oblivious, especially considering they were all getting down and dirty themselves).

These last two summers, though. Damn.

And I must add, the irony of this whole thing is that I was so careful to not take advantage of him in anyway. Even after we got the ball rolling, so to speak, I constantly asked him "Can I do this?" "Do you want me to do that?" But days later, I'm the one who's feeling used. I was literally a shoulder to cry on and a penis to ride on.

Yeah, I'm not going to be able to get past the fact that you hooked up with a guy with vomit mouth, so ...

Yeah, I'm not going to be able to get past the fact that you hooked up with a guy with vomit mouth, so ...

LOL I kinda tried to avoid that as much as possible, but once it finally happened, I didn't really care. There were at least four hours in between when he threw up and when we made out, and he drunk plenty of water, so I wasn't even worried.

Yeah, I'm not going to be able to get past the fact that you hooked up with a guy with vomit mouth, so ...

I was thinking the same thing..lol

Oh PLEASE like none of you have never had a random moment of after-the-bar/club sleaze!

Oh PLEASE like none of you have never had a random moment of after-the-bar/club sleaze!

I can't count how many--but not with vomit mouth. (Actually, prob at some point... Though when I was 20 and younger and started going out I usually was the one who would vomit, sigh)

Anyway--I haven't read a lot of this thread so had no idea you were so... virginal. I'm shocked. But I totally get your feelings--I've definitely been in similar situations, though not in a while thank god. Will you run into him again--I mean is that a "risk"? Did he know you were gay when he first started talking to you? I wouldn't worry about the age thing--while I avoid now (but I'm ancient) anyone that young just cuz they usually are a mess, a five year diff is hardly shocking, and he was graduated from high school.