Joan Collins on Fat People, Asians, Reagan love, and Warren Beatty, etc

[EricMontreal22]

Disclaimer: The views, opinions or positions expressed by Joan Henrietta Collins are hers alone, and does not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or positions of Dlisted.com even though they probably should since Joan Collins is a personal glamourssiah of Dlisted.com's, but I don't want to get my nostrils torn out by my Japanese uncle's pocket knife when I call him a "Chinaman" and I don't want my cousin to karate chop my adam's apple when I call her an "orca-sized oaf."

There's a lot of dusty opinions under Joan Collins' exquisite wig and she let some of them out when talking to the Daily Mail about her new memoirs. Joan's head is usually filled with diamond dust and champagne bubbles, but it's also filled with the image of a fat person trying to use the toilet on a plane and the image of Warren Beatty failing to make her oyster push out a pearl. Joan straightened her wig, raised her nose, pulled up her fan and let these out:

On ladies dressing like Kurt Cobain: "I don’t do grunge. Any woman over a certain age should not be grungy. You must make yourself look the way you would like the world to think about you."

On how only Justin Bieber should wear a shift dress: "All women look awful in shift dresses, even Nicole Kidman. You’ve gotta be totally titless for them to work."

On still using the term "chinaman" to describe Asians: "Apparently that is rude and I am supposed to say Asian. Gah. Since when? ‘Look. I know that people will blame me for pontificating about things that an actress shouldn’t, but I have something to say, something that I think a lot of people will agree with. Things that they might be frightened to say because it is politically incorrect to do so."

On her calling fat people "orca-sized oafs from planet girth" means she hates them: ‘ "Loathe fat people? Did that come across? I certainly don’t admire them. They are digging their graves with their own teeth. I think to be terribly overweight is incredibly unhealthy. And how do they get into a tiny lavatory on a plane? I feel sorry for them, I do."

On if it's true that she and Warren Beatty wet humped each other 7 times a day: "Maybe he did, but I just lay there."

On how she was date raped by her first husband Maxwell Reed: "He took me to a place called the Country Club in Hanover Square. We walked up lots of stairs to a small, candle-lit apartment where he asked me what I wanted to drink and gave me a rum and Coke. It was a Mickey Finn. I was drugged. You must think I am a moron. Oh, this is such a horrible story. He said: 'I am going to have a bath,' which I thought was very strange. He then said: 'Take a look at this book, I think you will find it interesting.' ‘Of course, it was full of disgusting, pornographic photographs. Now, any smart girl today would have got out of there and run down those stairs faster than a speeding bullet, but not little innocent, stupid Joan Collins, who stayed there and looked at the book. The next thing I knew, I was on the sofa and that was it. Then I was throwing up into a bucket."

On politics today: "I feel very pessimistic about the world, I really do. Where are the leaders? Where is our Franklin Roosevelt, or our Winston Churchill? Maggie Thatcher and Ronald Reagan were fantastic, particularly Maggie. We haven’t got anyone like that."

Joan has more natural diva bitchiness in her 24k kunt than JLo has in her entire orca-sized oaf body. When we're all Joan's age, may we all be offensive, [!@#$%^&*] deficient and a straight up bitch in a champagne flute like her. Joan does not even give a Crystal Carrington [!@#$%^&*] that saying all that [!@#$%^&*] just earned her a place on the long bus ride to purgatory where she'll be surrounded by an Asian man, a fat bitch and Warren Beatty's dick.

dlisted.com

[DaytimeFan]

Joan is without peer, fabulous!

[EricMontreal22]

Ha I seriously go both ways when it comes to this interview.

[quartermainefan]

I think she is of an age where she is allowed to cling to outdated terms. I haven't heard the word "chinaman" in maybe 20 years but if she still uses it what harm does it do? My ancient grandmother (over 90) still refers to african americans as "colored" but at 90 she is too old to start learning new words and terms.

[Cheap21]

I know I should be super offended but its Joan and I cant help but laugh at her. I especially love what she said about Warren Beatty

[EricMontreal22]

Cheap, that's pretty much how I feel (it also seems Joan thought she was doing a sassy interview and meant to sound a bit outrageous, I think). I'm more offended by her love of Reagan and Thatcher particularly, but I suppose her gay fans won't care about the politics behind that either. That said, it did bug mea bit that she seemed to think Chinaman was a term to be proud to use--if hse had just said it in a sentence it wouldn't have bothered me as much (as hypocritical as that sounds) for the reasons Quartermainefan said.

[alphanguy74]

I pretty much agree with this assessment. This reminds me of the former manager of the floral department where I worked part time.... she was only 50, but she would say "colored", and always whisper it.

[DaytimeFan]

The reason *nobody* should be offended for Joan's love of Reagan and Thatcher is that Joan doesn't love them for what they actually did, but what the media has made them out to be. Joan, whether she wants to admit it or not, is a feminist (albeit one who thought she looked better with her high heels on) and that's why she loves Thatcher, simply because she's a woman and a tough one at that. Reagan, let's be real, was C-list Hollywood actor, Joan has known the Reagans from her days at 20th Century Fox. They're friends, simple as that. Plus, they're both from the '80s, Joan's celebrity zenith, it's all nostalgia. She's totally ignorant to their actual policies aside from the fact that both cut taxes.

Joan's assumed the "Voice of the Past" role in Britain, she represents and likes a time in the UK's history where there were reasons to be proud of Britain. Having lived there for the past two years, she is 100% correct in her assessment of the place. Unless you've lived it (and not necessarily in London, but in more rural areas or smaller cities) it's impossible to really understand her perspective.

[Shawn]

Someone needs to put a muzzle on her. She hasn't been relevant since the era of large shoulderpads.

[Mr. Vixen]

I wish I hadn't read this. I used to admire her so much, and now I just think she's an utter cuntt.

[DRW50]

Really? Aside from the Chinaman stuff, which is a bit off, most of what she said is pretty common, and it's something she's said before.

I think the Joan we see and the Joan that truly exists are probably very different women, and generally she does a good job of focusing more on the former.

[SFK]

I think DaytimeFan's first paragraph is spot on in terms of her feelings re: Reagan and Thatcher, that is exactly my theory (particularly about Reagan and what that era meant for her).

I enjoy Joan, but yes, she can be rude. I don't even want to use the term "ballsy" because I don't think it's even about being brave enough to speak one's mind, I think it's more pathological. She feels it, she says it. Oopsies if your feelings got hurt. Like in that Dynasty special when she joked that if Esther wanted to be Alexis she needed to lose a few pounds? Oof. Not that Esther didn't deserve to be taken down a peg for acting like she was all big and bad, but that was a low blow Jo. There was a Biography-type special of Joan that I believe was a UK import that they aired often on the Ovation network. She was rude when they went back to her old house, going out of her way to diss the current occupants' decor and such. Is she putting on her Alexis thing because she thinks that's what we want from her? I'm not so sure. I think it comes naturally.

[DRW50]

A lot of her rudeness probably comes from insecurity too, although that's not really an excuse. While I don't think she is Alexis in real life I think she probably connected very easily with those elements of Alexis - it's one of the reasons why the character holds up so well (far better than characters like JR, not to mention most of the Dynasty caricatures, IMO).

[SFK]

I agree about the insecurity thing, and it not being a real excuse, but a valid component.

I do think "digging their graves with their own teeth" is a great line/image. But no, Joan's wigs are hardly exquisite.

[DRW50]

For me the best insight into Joan the person/Joan the image was the whole book lawsuit.