30 Rock: Discussion Thread

[Toups]

Still behind but catching up on the episodes.

Episode 6.13: "Grandmentor"

Jack: ……the annual TGS viewer walk on contest. It’s great promotion, Lemon. We found if someone is actually on NBC, they’re four percent more likely to watch it.

Liz: Really, we’re doing this again, after what happened last year?

(cut to TGS skit)

Tracy: Gassy Passy, you can’t eat ---

Walk-on guest: Keep the White House white.

(audience boos)

Matt Lauer: Hey Jack, what are you doing here? Your segment was bumped.

Jack: What? Why? You guys doing another hard hitting expose on how to plan a stay-cation with your cyber bully?

Matt Lauer: No, it’s real news for once. There was a mine collapse in China. Turns out, to keep labour cost down, all the miners are babies – they pay them in yogurt.

Jenna: Well you better hurry, Jack. Oxygen is already working on a movie about the baby miners.

Jack: Then we’ll have to slow them down. Gabriel, send a bunch of pies to the Oxygen network.

Episode 6.12: "St. Patrick’s Day"

Sue: Your Highness, you may take your right as King. I’m a virgin…..with white guys.

Episode 6.11: "Standards and Practises"

Jack: I’m going to get to the bottom of what happened last night, sir. I’ve already detained Brock and Ave under the Patriot Act. People have forgotten about that thing but any white male can arrest any other person.

Jack: Lemon, you know very well a nemesis can be anyone or anything.

Liz: Auto-correct. I was trying to see pen organizer.

Jack: I know what it’s like to not have your parents around. I once a log with googly eyes to a father-son picnic.

Episode 6.10: "Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky"

Kenneth: I know sir, but I just couldn’t work in ad sales. We have far too many sponsors that make house work easier for women.

Jenna: Let’s get forensics in here. Have the text lift a latent print and run it against AFIS. Maybe the purp’s in the system.

Tracy: Wow J Mo. You sound like a cop. And I should know. My uncle was a cop… in a porno.

Jenna: Tracy, every blonde actress in the business has done a pilot about a tough but pretty lady cop with special abilities. Mine was called “Goodlooking.” I played Alexis Goodlooking. Who was also good looking. And my special ability was being good at looking for clues.

Kenneth: I have some real problems with this “Law and Order: SVU” script. You can’t say “Dick Wolf” on TV.

Jack: I just had an emergency meeting with Legal. We can no longer use the words “Hit” “Great Show” “Fun” or “Broadcast Television.”

Jack: I hate to say “Told ya” because it reminds me of my one night stand with Nikke Finke.

Henry: And I see that you’ve done very well for yourself.

Jack: That that sofa is made from Seabiscuit.

Jenna: If you don’t play along we tell Pete about your little scam, about how the show’s been paying for your video games, and nerf rifles, and pornography. That’s right we know you ordered a porn version of Temple Grandin, entitled “Ten Poles Rammed In.” You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Episode 6.9: "Leap Day"

Jack: Why are you showing me this? This is the kind of adversity that made me the man I am today. Good, cry. Let your sadness form a hole inside you that can only be filled with money.

Kenneth: Welcome to the future -- 5 Leap Days from now. That’s Liddy.

Jack: I assume this is her horse stable and that she’s hammering that nail as a funny joke.

Kenneth: No Mr. Donaghy. She’s doing Habitat for Humanity. After you missed all her Leap Days, she started experimenting with Liberalism…

Tracy: What was that old man trying to tell me? What am I going to do with all this free food? Remember where I came from. But we call came from the sea. Sea. Like the letter C which is part of the alphabet. Alphabet Soup. Soup Kitchen. Kitchen…

Homeless Man: No, no don’t keep going.

Tracy: The kitchen debate with Richard Nixon. Richard M. Nixon. M Train. Soul Train. Chicken Soup for the Soul. Chicken Soup. Soup Kitchen!

(Homeless Man smiles and nods)

Tracy: This is a Leap Day miracle!

Episode 6.8: "The Tuxedo Beings"

Woman singing Broadway style: Three bucks, two bags, one me……. Say, where does a young prostitute get started in this town?

Jack: I’ll remind New York of what she once was.

Tracy: Yes! A native American paradise.

Jack: Come on Donaghy, you’ve skied Mount St. Helen’s, made eye contact with Michelle Bachman, was trapped under a boulder for *128* hours! You’re not scared of anything.

Jack: Thank you Lemon, you’re the only woman I could ever fight to regain my manhood.

Episode 6.6 & 6.7: "Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong"

Liz: What is she, an Egyptian crocodile? Because she’s in denial.

Hazel: Here I am, in New York, living out of a 24-hour fitness just ready to be inspired.

Frank: Dude, what was that?

Lutz: I just don’t want to be alone today. In 48 years, I haven’t had one good Valentine’s Frank: Man, if I weren’t with someone now, we could’ve teamed up. Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to meet vulnerable women – it’s scumbag Christmas!

Lutz: Just tell me what to do.

Frank: Guys like us have to pick low hanging fruit. We look like Far Side drawings, so we go where women are sad, desperate, and weak – cat shelters, blood banks, the ice cream stand at a Celtic woman’s concert, and we strike.

Tracy: Another good place is a beauty salon where white girls try to do black hair and they come out crying feeling all bad for themselves, and we walk up to them and all….

Tracy/Frank: Hey baby, what’s wrong?

Frank: You’re married, I actually have a girlfriend…..all our dirtbag knowledge is gonna go to waste.

Tracy: No it’s not. Lutz, prepare for an adventure of a lifetime.

Tracy: Back in the day I used to work as a stock boy in a sheik uptown department store called Ray Ray’s Discount Close Bucket. I would go to the swimsuit section and switch the tags. I’d take a size 6 and put a size 12 sticker on it. Then some big girl would try to squeeze into it and come out the dress room like, “I’ve gotten bigger, why do I even bother dieting?!” And I’m all like…..

Tracy/Frank: Hey baby, what’s wrong?

Jack: Did you just threaten her? I want you to apologize to her right now! I am a very powerful woman. I can see to it that Transylvania never sees another episode of Friends.

C. Cjokula: No! Monica and Chandler just slept together in London. I’m sorry.

Jack: Okay, now admit the UN is useless.

C. Cjokula: It is! Half the building is a laser tag arena.

Diana: Admit it’s annoying when Bono comes around.

C. Cjokula: Oh it’s the worst! Every time he says he’s not hungry when we collect money for pizza then he eats like three slices.

Jack: Oh you disgust me. Come on, let’s go. Oh and Cjokula, at Monica and Chandler’s wedding, Rachel’s the one who’s pregnant!

Dr. Spaceman: Well, it must be psychosomatic. Now don’t worry, that’s just a fancy doctor word for your brain is broken. Unfortunately there’s no field of medicine that deals with the brain. But I can give you pamphlet for a cult.

Episode 6.5: "Today You Are A Man"

Tracy (as a Transformer): Shia LeBouf is in trouble. This is the part of the movie where I fell asleep.

Liz: Okay, fine. You got me. Game over.

Jack: No, no. This just levels the playing field. Going mono-a-mono against a real advisory -- me. It’s the ultimate game. Jack Donaghy playing with himself… It’s a Jackoff!

Jack: You anticipated my countermove; employing a shortness is weakness power axiom. However I knew that you might know that I knew to bring my own furniture so I also brought my Jack Welsh power pillow. I’m very sorry sir.

Liz: I thought you might to do that which is why I’m going to be the first person to do power-quiet-talking, forcing you to lean (speaks quietly) and wonder if you’re missing any key phrases like an idiot.

Jack: I thought you’d try power-quiet-talking, which is why I’m wearing a hearing aid.

Jack: I used to be a winner. Men wanted to be me. Women wanted to sleep with me. Bisexuals wanted to watch.

Episode 6.4: "The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell"

Jack: Lemon, I’m sorry, but Jenna has become a huge star for this network. She’s become bigger Maulik Pancholy on ‘Whitney’.

Dot.com (to Tracy): You already have everything. I mean, you just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s bones, and he’s not even dead.

Tracy: Do you remember Celia’s bakery in the Bronx? It was on the corner of Malcolm X Boulevard and Guy who shot Malcolm X Boulevard?

Kenneth: Well then I know about another story that turned out to be true. It’s about a virgin who gave birth to a man who had some funny ideas. That virgin was my sister. And her son Lyle has a learning disability.

Jack: None of this was meant for you. That should have been obvious since a gift for me would suggest you’re producing good work. Let me be clear, you are not.

(Cut to sketch)

Jenna: Lance Ito, you’re out of order!

Tracy: Line!

(Wall falls)

Jack: It wasn’t me it was the machines! Tell them it wasn’t my fault!

Not Kenneth: My Fault. A short lived NBC game show in which homeless people win money by confessing to crimes they didn’t commit.

Tracy: They say people who kill themselves never regret it.

Episode 6.3: "Idiots Are People Three!"

Criss: Like you’re so perfect.

Liz: Let’s not do this.

Criss: You don’t say “cholesterol” correctly.

Liz: Chlorestorol.

Criss: You’re a 41 year old woman who cheats at board games. You don’t use tab closures on cereal boxes.

Liz: If you think those are doing anything to seal in freshness, you are living in a fantasy world, pal.

Devon: I want you to get my triplets into preschool…at St. Matthew’s.

Jack: Banks. That’s impossible. Just last year they rejected one of St. Matthew’s actual descendants.

Devon: I know. I heard that during her interview she turned the class hamster into a dove. Good luck.

Tracy: Since its founding early this afternoon, the National Association for Zero Intolerance, or NAZI…we should change that.

Denise Richards: It’s fine.

Denise Richards: And idiots can do anything we put our minds to. I played a nucular psychiatrist in a James Bong movie.

Liz (reading apology): Whaaazup! Yeah baby! I’m here today to apologize for my earlier comments. I used an offensive term to describe a group people who made America the great… continent… that it is today. These kick ass people have given the world countless bodacious things. Like the Birther Movement. Intelligent Design. Water parks. No. I will not endorse water parks. They’re a cesspool of disease and people boo you when you walk back down the stairs. You know what you people have given to the world? Girls Gone Wild. The Golden Globes. Cans that tell you how cold beer is. Florida. Bratz Dolls.

Tracy: Oh I get it. She’s naming awesome things.

Liz: No listen to me. Because of you there may be an Entourage movie.

Crowd: Turtle Turtle Turtle!

Liz: You know what, I give up. You should know better. But no, you’re just going to keep on riding motorcycles, having unprotected sex and voting again free healthcare. You will make the same destructive decisions over and over again and you’ll never really be happy. And you’re jaw will hurt all the time.

[Toups]

Episode 6.20: "Queen of Jordan 2: The Mystery of The Phantom Pooper"

Angie: Now that I’m a fashion designer, I’m in a tupple-threat: reality star, actress, singer/song-reader, perfumist, IBS survivor, best selling author of a book I didn’t write, catch phrase coiner, “I’ll take that with cheese.” Well, they don’t all work!

Angie: I’ve never been so disrespected in my life --- and I’ve gone to and worked at the post office.

Liz: Hey Randi, great episode last week. I thought it was very brave of you to pose for Playboy against Playboy’s wishes.

Jack: I’m afraid while we’re on camera, I can only offer you D’fawn’s boutique wine, “D’Fwine.”

(cut to)

D’Fawn: “D’Fwine,” please d’frink responsibly.

Liz: I am dealing with something real here but all anyone wants to do in these dumb shows is fight and scream and throw things.

Tracy: I wouldn’t know. I really don’t watch TV. I’m more of a masturbater.

Episode 6.19: "Live From Sutdio 6H"

Liz: No! I mean, I grew up on live TV – Friday night in my parent’s basement, a telethon, a cheese steak….I can see like it was yesterday.

(cut to)

Young Liz (played by Amy Poehler): Best prom night ever! I’m going to love my virginity in 9 years!

Dr. Spaceman: Hello, I’m Natzi Dr. Henriq Spaceman….I mean doctor….we can edit that out, right? Oh it’s live. Are you a modern housewife who’s in the family way – smoke Chattertons cigarettes. Your baby’s lungs need refreshing nicotine for science reasons and its growing bones need tar to hold them together. Nine out of ten doctors surveyed said, “Who is this? Why are you calling so late?” But the tenth guy was into it. (sings) Chattertons taste so cool and mild, a treat for you and your unborn child.

Jenna: Look, I’m sorry to pull the biological woman card here but according to Rowe v. Dwayne Wade, I have a right to choose, and I choose a televise proposal. If you can’t give me that I’m not sure my answer will be.

Paul: Are you giving me an ultimatum? Look, I am the man here, Jenna. I may have a dress and a wig and a gynecologist, but I am the man.

Liz: Live TV made us all what we are today.

Jack: No need to take another vote. TGS is meant to be live. To make it more profitable we just need to make more sponsored product placements.

Liz: You should do it with the upcoming Warner Bros movie “Rock of Ages” based on the hit Broadway musical – rocking a theater near you June 15^th….Tom Cruise sings!

Sketch title: Prince William and Prince: Time-Traveleing Fart Detectives.

Episode 6.18: "Murphy Brown Lied To Us"

Liz: I did some spring cleaning this morning and I found this baby Princess Leia costume I bought years ago and I thought it might fit Liddy.

Jack: Oh, thank you, Lemon, but it might be a bit small by Halloween.

Liz: Halloween? A girl can wear this any where – at school, church, alone on the playground, a child therapist office.

Jack: Besides you, whom do I fire for this?

Stewart: I don’t know, you? You’re the one who insisted on hiring American engineers. All they teach us now is how to build roller coasters and Survivor challenges.

Liz: So you’re just going to try to sell discomfort?

Jack: I don’t have a choice. If I blow this, Hank Hooper will never give me another shot. I’ll spend the rest of my career behind this desk trying to lure Alf back to television.

Liz: I can’t believe you came down here to fight my date. That hasn’t happened to me since Senior Prom when Rob Sussman tried to fight Richard Saloto because they had secretly broken up with each other the night before.

Tracy: Jenna, I’ve been thinking.

Jenna: Why? You’re famous.

Episode 6.16: "Nothing Left To Lose"

Jack: This is the biggest waste of time since NBC’s diversity writing program. That was a good idea but all of our actors are so white.

Kenneth (smelling Tracy’s perfume): Oh my, it smells like Grandma’s house at Christmas. That’s when we found her dead on the toilet.

Jack: Do you know who you remind me of? George W. Bush during his let’s-do-coke-and-buy-the-Texas-Rangers phase. But he made a decision to be the best President ever and then he was. You’ve lost your mojo, Pete, and I’m going to get back to for you.

Toofer: The man has self-esteem issue – I don’t know why.

Frank: Well, he is estranged from son, Kellen Lutz, from Twilight.

Pete: I know what it looks like! Since you’ve been ‘helping’ me, my life has gotten worse! I broke my nose, a gay Rabbi chased me through mid-town, and last night Paula wouldn’t touch me like this! Do you know what it’s like to try to have sex a child’s little orphan Annie wig?!

Episode 6.15: "The Shower Principle"

Jack: I went and took a shower at the Racquet Club where I saw Lou Dobbs step on his own testicles. It was horrifying.

Liz: Okay so you have to go to Alaska, because?

Tracy: In order to pay my tax bills, I had to sign on to do a movie – 5 dog now 5.

Liz: Gibberish?

Kenneth: No, that’s just the confusing title Disney gave the 5^th Snow Dogs movie. The S’s are 5’s.

(cut to graphic with voice over)

VO: Running time 26 minutes.

Guru Jack: Distractions be gone! Congratulations, Elizabeth. You have achieved transcendence, the state of pure inner peace where all pants have built in underwear. You have reached a plain of total enlightenment, and you are realized Jack was right – meditation is a waste of time….time you could’ve read that book he gave you on business lunches – Buffett of Buffets.

Episode 6.14: "Kidnapped By Danger"

Liz: Oh speaking of Halloween, are you dressing up this year?

Jack: Lemon, it’s March.

Liz: Cause I’m going to be Mitt Rom-mummy. I call it, you can’t steal it.

Jack: Why wouldn’t you be Mitt Zombie?

I’m going to go freshen up – the train was disgusting. I flew here but I saw a train from a window.

Jenna: Okay how about this? (starts singing) Don’t say goodbye –

Tracy: Are kidding me? Don’t eat that pie; don’t eat my fries; don’t wear that tie; don’t smell that guy. We got to be better than this.

Jenna: Yankovic! He reversed the parody. He normal-Al’d us! I feel so –

Tracy: Honored?

(Jenna nods)

Liz: I’m going to call my dad and thank him. You know he was stationed at Pearl Harbor….during the Korean War.

[Toups]

Episode 7.2: "Governor Dunston"

Jack: And you’re certainly doing your part. Last week’s show was excruciating.

Liz: Thank you. I told the writers there are no bad ideas and they really took that to heart.

(cut to sketch)

Tracy: Yes, I have a reservation under Black Hitler.

Jack: This is not about politics, Lemon. In order to save this network, I have to destroy it…..just like B.P. did when they heroically tried to lubricate the Gulf Of Mexico.

Ron: Look, Ken, I’m just trying to replace your dad. Oh dang it, that’s the wrong thing to say isn’t it.

Liz: ….yeah for that….and get this, Chris wants to make it fun. How do you make sex fun?

Pete: Well, Paula never opens her eyes, so what I do is look at a nursing school catalogue under my pillow.

Jack: So what have you been up to?

Cooter: So after 2008, I went back to being a lobbyist – you know just hanging out at hotel lobbies. If you wear a red vest, sometimes people think you’re valet and you can take a nap in their car.

Jenna: Sing one for me now….for inspiration. I’m not going to steal it….but if I do, don’t even bother lawyering up. I’ll have my Jews on you so fast you’ll think you’re an Asian girl.

Jenna: Okay, I’m going to stop you right there. Ron, that was terrible. I’m going to be constructive here…you should kill yourself.

Pearline: That’s what family is, Kenneth, people you bad mouth all the time behind their back. While on the train ride up here, I called you a bowling pin with a face drawn on it, a cheap Albino lesbian, a finger with teeth…..

Kenneth: I get it, mom.

Pearline: But if anyone else says a word about you, Kenneth, I don’t stand for it! Do you remember that kid in school who bullied you? Well, I ate that goat….because you and I are family. And like it or not, Kenneth, so are you and my husband, Ronald McDonald.

Liz: Break a leg, Trey.

Tracy: That shouldn’t be hard. I have a severe calcium deficiency.

Governor Dunston: Quinn, I’m glad you brought up my record. It’s called “Sounds of Seduction” and it’s available on iTunes. There are 9 types of legitimate rape. One, a Halloween party. Let my ask you a question, sir. Do you know if this auditorium validates parking? Our opponent would like you believe that Mitt Romney is a merman. Now I know Mitt Romney does not live in the sea.

Moderator: No. Mormon, Governor.

Governor Dunston: A Mormon? No, that’s crazy.

Episode 7.1: "The Beginning of the End"

Liz: Okay, here’s the thing, Jack. You’re plan isn’t going to work. Your shows are terrible. I mean, have you seen that new game show, “Homonym”?

(cut to)

Host: Your next word is “Meat.”

Contestant: Um, like when two people run into each other.

Host: Oops, sorry, it’s the other one. You’re next word is “Stare.”

Contestant: Okay. Um…things you climb –

Host: No! It’s the other one.

Contestant: It’s always the other one! Let me see the card!

Host: No! Never!

(cut back)

Liz: Your shows stink, Jack.

Hazel: Kenneth tells me that you started your own movie studio this summer.

Tracy: Yes. I’m sort of the black Tyler Perry.

Liz: A good person doesn’t intentionally do a bad job. I mean look at Jack, he’s in this terrible position at work, he wishes he were somewhere else, is he tanking it? No. In fact, he’s trying even harder.

(Liz sees a promo on the tv screen)

Promo voice: Tonight on NBC…..Joe Rogen is Mandela……and if it’s Wednesday, it must be Cricket night in America…..then on “Jay” a full hour of Gary Sinise’s band.

Liz: Oh my God! Jack is tanking NBC!

Jack: Fine, you got me. I’m steering the Titanic into the iceberg.

Liz: Why? You’re trying to get fired?

Jack: I’m trying to get Hank to sell the network and the only way to make him do that is to turn it into a money losing embarrassment.

Liz (gasp): This explains everything. How long has this been going on? 7 years? 8?

Jack: 6 weeks.

Jenna: Also, since this is surprise wedding, you’re gonna want to carry around your bridesmaid’s dress with you at all times. Look how great this is going to look next to me.

Liz: You know I can’t wear green, Jenna. The Clinique lady says I have witch undertones.

NBC promo: Tonight on NBC, “Tank It.” The reality even of the year. Where we make grandpas put on tank tops and then laugh at them. “Tank It.”

Host: Next word…Sent.

Contestant: I don’t care! Cent, like a penny, whatever.

Host: No! Sorry, no. Oh, it’s a Homonym double down. You get to guess again. Sent.

Contestant: Okay. Scent, like a smell or odor.

Host: No. It’s the third one.

Contestant: Go fuck yourself!

Host: Next word is “Oh pear.”

Contestant: What? There is only one definition! It’s like a nanny, a foreign nanny.

Host: No! Your forgot….it could be an exclamation about a fruit, as in, “Oh! Pear!”

Contestant: What you are doing here is not right!!! I’m leaving!!

[Toups]

Episode 7.5: "There’s No I in America"

Jack: And don’t me so sure about Jenna’s politics. She’s aging, mean, and rich – that sounds Republican to me.

Jack: And it’s not just politics. For instance, I bet you bought those hideous shoes for some emotional reason.

Liz: Every pair you buy, they give a pair to a child that force to work in the factory that makes these shoes.

Jack: A world without arts programs sounds terrible – where would young blonde girls like Shawna learn to act and sing? Why, if arts funding was cut within a short time, our schools would be producing no new actresses. And Jenna Maroney would get every part. That’s my American, that’s Mitt Romney’s America.

Jenna: My next question refers to an issue I know deeply affects the vast majority of Jenna Maroney. Which political party is cooler?

Liz: That’s no contest. The President listens to hip hop rappings. We have the coolest celebrities – Scarlett Johansson, Blake Lively, Jessica Biel….

Jack: Wow, those are all very beautiful women. Do you really want to be photographed next to them? Let me tell you who we have – Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris, and Charlton Heston’s scull. You’d be the only cool Republican.

Jenna: Sorry, now who am I telling these turds to vote for? Mike Romney?

Jack: M itt. It stands for Motorized-Intelligent-Technodrone-Terminate….it’s a human’s name.

Episode 7.4: "Unwindulax"

Liz: Why do you have a tattoo of a seat-belt?

Woman: So I don’t get pulled over when I’m driving shirtless!

Liz: You wanted to see me?

Jack: Have I mentioned Marisol, the Mexican sideline reporter I’ve been seeing? Well, since her weekend in Aspen, she’s been put on pelvic rest.

Pete: Jenna’s crab-idiots won’t shut up. Why couldn’t she have died when that rabid dog bit her?

Jenna: Oh, it wasn’t rabid. I just said that so they’d have to put it down and then I’d be the star of that dog food commercial.

Jack: Gentleman…..token silent lady….we have to spend all of our wonderful money and help my hair mentor, Mitt Romney, become the 11^th legitimate President of the United States.

Jack: This is so demoralizing. In the past 24 hours, I’ve spent millions of dollars – I got B.E.T. to let Mike Huckabee present Best Club Banger at the Hip Hop Awards and yet we’re still polling at zero percent among African Americans. If my money can’t make a difference, I’m moving to Monaco.

Tracy: But we’re not going to win Wisconsin – I don’t know why.

(cut to)

Jack: Ever since Tracy set fire to Lambeau Field, Wisconsinites are coming around on the death penalty – Wisconsin goes to Romney. That just leaves….

(cut to)

Tracy: Florida – the penis of America!

(cut to)

Jack: Florida – the penis of America.

[Ann_SS]

I usually don't watch, but I caught tonight's episode and it was hysterical. I absolutely loved Liz's conflicted emotions about her wedding and her final decision to be Princess Leia. Black Dennis and Tracy's dilemma about living a long life was also funny as hell. Great episode all the way around and I could not stop laughing.

[Toups]

Yup, it was a really good episode. One of the better episodes this season. Liz choosing to be Princess Leia was so in character. LOL

Episode 7.7: "Mazel Tov, Dummies!"

Liz: Why do you have a baby? Is this a scam?

Dennis: It’s not a scam. I got a brand new business selling suicide insurance and it’s going great. And this baby is my adopted son. Obviously he’s going to be an athlete so I only got to save up for like one year of college.

Dennis: We decided to adopt because Megan is career oriented right now….didn’t want to wreck her boobs……a couple of months later, boom, we got black Dennis.

Liz: His name is black Dennis? That is racist.

Dennis: Yeah right, Liz. The guy with the black son is racist.

Terry: Jenna Marony, you’re my slave.

Jenna: What? But the Sheik who won me in that poker game was beheaded.

Jenna: Oh, I remember that. My boyfriend was suppose to pick me up after that shoot so I called him and I was like, “O.J., where are you?” And he was like, “Wait, you’re still alive? Then who did I kill?”

Dr. Spaceman: Look, I’m not happy about this either. The money I’ve made off your health problems has put me almost all the way through medical school.

Tracy: I’m going to start living like there’s a tomorrow. Open an I.R.A., brush my teeth, drink eight glasses a day of that stuff, you know, clear bathtub juice.

Dr. Spaceman: Tracy, I’m afraid I don’t have a pamphlet to help you get through this, but I don’t have a pamphlet that has a bunch of drawings of vaginas.

Tracy: I’ll take it.

Liz: I don’t need a special day. The first wedding I ever went to, I was a flower girl for my Aunt Linda. When they said, “You may now kiss the bride,” I did my first ever eye roll.

^ Apparently, that's Tina Fey's daughter. LOL

Jack: Jenna, when I said what you were worth, that was a negotiation tactic.

Jenna: Two thousand dollars, Jack? I’ve stolen more than that from my cleaning lady’s purse.

Dennis: Black Dennis! Start the car!!

Dennis: Black Dennis got some cop’s gun!!

[dm.]

They are decent this season.

I lol-ed when Kenneth yelled "Why are you doing this to me, Jacob?!!!"

[Toups]

I'm going to miss show! It was so brilliant and outrageous. The finale was in true form to the series. Thank you, Tina Fey, for such a wonderful show. It will go down as one of my all time favorite sitcoms.

Link to the Rural Juror lyrics. Jane K. should get an Emmy for being able to sing that! LOL

Link to many 30 Rock articles.

Episode 7.13: "Last Lunch"

Liz: What did you do to Al Roker to make him do that?

Tracy: Let’s just say his wife is on the board of a children’s hospital and they needed a celebrity to host their annual gala and I threaten to do it.

Jenna: She’s never stayed friends with an ex. When Conan dumped her, she dropped him forever.

(cut to)

Conan: Hey Liz….Come on, you can’t pretend I don’t exist. We dated for a year! We were going to lose our virginity to each other! Now I’ll never lose it!

Jenna: Have you seen Jack today? He just came into my dressing room and started crying. He’s in a really bad place….like with Mickey Rourke --- (breaks the 4^th wall) Okay, I can’t do this anymore. I never my Mickey Rourke.

Female writer: Um, guys, I know I don’t normally say much but –

Frank: What, woman?! Speak!

Female writer: Well, officially the show was cancelled two weeks ago so isn’t this technically season 8?

Toofer: Which means we start over at the beginning of the alphabet!

Frank: So the new picker is –

Lutz: Me!

Frank: What? No! “Lutz” isn’t first.

(Lutz shows frank a file)

Frank: You changed your name to Aarkvard? That’s insane!

Lutz: Shhhh. (puts his finger on Frank’s lips) Blimpie’s. (pecks Frank on the lips)

Tracy: Give it up for Liz Lemon, everybody – the least molested person in here!

Liz: I don’t even get your play here, Trey. You’re in breach now. You stay here, you don’t even get the money.

Tracy: If you think this is about the money, they’re even dumber than I look.

Jenna: It’s all over. Am I crying? (turns to where her mirror used to be) I have no way to see if I’m crying.

Liz: He killed himself because of me. This is like what happened with my gynecologist all over again.

Jack: I’m off to discover what makes me happy. I have to find my bliss, which for once is not an acronym for Beautiful Ladies in Short Shorts.

Tracy: Thank you, America, that’s our show. Not a lot of people watched it but the show’s on you, cause we got paid anyway.

Episode 7.12: "Hogcock!"

Jack: If you’re right, I have a problem, and every problem can be solved. As I was taught at Six Sigma – Analyze, Strategize, Succeed. A.S.S. I’m going to crush this problem….with my ass.

Law & Order: SVU Director: Jenna, thank you so much doing this. What a thrill.

Jenna: Oh, I am just so glad to finally return to my two loves: dramatic acting and sex crimes.

Grizz: Trey, Kenneth is not coming.

Tracy: You think I don’t know that? When I went up to Ken’s office earlier, I saw his schedule on his assistant’s pornography box.

Dot.com: You mean computer.

Jack: I’d love to help you, Lemon, but I don’t think I can. I resigned as C.E.O. of Kabletown an hour ago.

Liz: What? Why?

Jack: Because I felt nothing. I got the job, I pissed off my enemies: Pelosi, Maddow, Baldwin….should’ve been the greatest moment of my life.

Episode 7.11: "A Goon’s Deed in a Weary World"

Liz: No, I haven’t saved the show yet. I cannot save the show without all of us stepping up. We get one shot at this tonight. We have to do a sample show so you guys need to start writing. We have to rally our fans, so you two are doing press all day.

Tracy: I’m glad the band U2 are doing press all day. Jenna, run before Liz realizes what I did.

Jenna: The film is being directed by Michael Bay….yo – Scott Baio’s uncle.

Charlie: At some point you got to turn the horse into glue, Ken.

Kenneth: That is a waste of delicious dead horse.

Tracy: I know you want to save TGS, Lemon-head, but there’s no TGS to save. And you should be at the airport right now picking up your chilly.

Jenna: Children, Tracy.

Tracy: Children?! Why the hell are you still here?!

Episode 7.10: "Florida"

Liz: Hello, Beverly.

Bev: It’s just Bev, Liz. My mother died while naming me.

Episode 7.9: "Game Over"

Hank: I was so sorry to hear about your mother.

Jack: Thank you, Hank.

Hank: I remember my own mother’s passing. She wanted to be cremated and she ended up dying in a fire – such a considerate woman.

Devon: How did you get these DNA results back so fast?

Jack: I happen to have some very powerful friends at the Maury Povich Show.

Episode 7.8: "My Whole Life Is Thunder"

Jenna: A-Listers always have surprise weddings now, Liz. Timber-Biel, Beyon-Z, Anne Hatha-nobody, and technically, I am A-Lister now because I was on a list to date Tom Cruise. But I bailed before I got sucked in too deep. Praise Xenu.

Jack: No, the problem is my mother is in town for Christmas.

Liz: Already? It’s three weeks away.

Jack: She insists on traveling on Pearl Harbor Day to, and I quote, “Show the Empire we’re not afraid.”

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, do you know why I love television so much?

Tracy: Because despite cell phones, iPads, and computers, it’s still the most effective portal for Poltergeist.

Jack: Alright, you can knock it off now mother, I’m home. What happened to your eye? Did you really fall?

Colleen: I was watching TV and they started interviewing an Asian Santa Clause and my arm went numb.

Jenna: I can’t believe you’re doing this to me…and Paul! He’s been in that steamer trunk for hours!

Paul: It’s alright. The lack of oxygen is making me orgasm.

Kenneth: I don’t want my life to be like TV because my life is way better! Where else but real life would a millionaire movie star care so much about a hillbilly janitor that he would spend two days trying to cheer him up. You can do that on television because if you did, no one would watch. Thank you, Mr. Jordan. Thank you for my wonderful life.

Quan-Lee: I sure picked the right week to come back.

Tracy: You weren’t supposed to have any lines, Quan-Lee. Now I have to pay you.

[marceline]

I thought it was a perfect finale. Plenty of humor and heart and lots of callbacks to great gags. I lost it when Jenna finally admitted she'd never met Mickey Rourke but part of me kind of wishes they could've talked him into a cameo. I'd drifted away from 30 Rock over the last few years but I'm glad I came back for the finale. That said you forgot one very important link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7leMctSTMc

Because when Jack Donaghy says to Google something, that's what you do.

[Toups]

Yeah, that would've been hilarious too.