Link: http://www.texarkanagazette.com/articles/2.../features02.txt

Remote Possibilities: Enough with the cute names, soap fans

Sunday, July 23, 2006 5:08 PM CDT

By JODI SHERIDAN

Texarkana Gazette

This week I’ve decided not to wax on the pros or cons of a certain television show, but rather a phenomenon.

And an annoying one at that.

So, consider this a friendly request from me to all you message boarders and tv junkies.

Let’s stop with combining names!!!

You know what I’m talking about—Skate, Jate, Tangeline, Carson, Sason, Liason, LoVe, etc., etc.

I actually had a conversation with a friend the other day that went like this: “So, I really like Tangeline, but Kevan is cool too, but I don’t like Crisvan. I prefer Crisalie and Jolie, but not Jovan.”

The characters she was referring to, Todd, Evangeline, Kevin, Cristian, Natalie and John, are all on the ABC soap opera “One Life to Live.”

Why is it necessary to speak or type these silly name combinations? Is it just too hard to say, “I really like Todd and Evangeline, but Kevin and Evangeline is cool too, but I don’t like Cristian and Evangeline.”

It appears to be a more normal way to say things.

And Skate and Jate refer to the couples of Sawyer and Kate and Jack and Kate on “Lost.”

And Skate and Jate refer to the couples of Sawyer and Kate and Jack and Kate on “Lost.”

Does Skate and Jate sound really cool or something?

Then, there’s the “sons” on “General Hospital”: Carson, Sason and Liason.

Or, as a normal person would say, Carly and Sonny, Sonny and Jason and Liz and Jason.

Seriously, I can tell you it’s not difficult to type the full names out. Really it’s not.

But I’m afraid this is going to become a way of life for TV addicts.

And one day, we’re gonna find OLTL’s No. 1 fan sitting in a psych ward on the floor in a pool of her own drool repeating over and over: Tangeline, KeKe, Jolie, Jovan, Crisvan, Helly, Java, Tash ... and so on.

It all started with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez and when they were officially dubbed Bennifer.

I thought, how clever ... at first. But then it got out of hand. Way out of hand.

And now, the phenomenon has become so rampant on soap and television message boards, I believe that I will become that No. 1 fan that I mentioned earlier. And I hate drool.

Please, don’t let it come to that.

Let’s all be reasonable adults here.

Instead of going all teenybopper and gushing about how much you love LoVe on “Veronica Mars,” just simply say, “You know, I really like that Logan and Veronica on “Veronica Mars. What a cute couple.”

So please, think about all of us who aren’t up on the latest couple.

Before you combine, think about our poor souls drooling away in our local asylum, vegged out over all the name combos we’ve been forced to figure out over the years.

Someone should e-mail that dumbass and let him know that couple names were along LONG before that damn Bennifer. She needs to get her damn facts straight.

"Jate" was around long before that damn "Lost" show. Hello??!?!! John and Kate anyone???

Why not just put the good names? Let's put some bad ones too:

Snarly

Soily

Mucky

RAM!

Sucas

Jailbait (for Lily and Jonathan)

Oh come on. There's quite a lot more!

It all started with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez and when they were officially dubbed Bennifer.

It started way before that. The earliest nickname I remember was "Pharley" (Phil/Harley, GL).

I agree that most nicknames are stupid such as: Bope, Jarlena, Carson.

Some of them I like such as: Phelle, Shelle, Lumi, Shuis, Savy, Evian, Pharley.

But I prefer initials such as: B/H, J/M, J/J, S/K, A/C for DAYS; S/B, S/C, J/B, L/L, J/C for GH.

Who gives a flyin f what she thinks anyway. No one eve knows her.

And WTF kind a name is Texarkana for a paper? That should have freakin been in the article too.

Who gives a flyin f what she thinks anyway. No one eve knows her.

And WTF kind a name is Texarkana for a paper? That should have freakin been in the article too.

Texarkana is the name of the Texas town where the newspaper is located.