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Need some advice


Tishy

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BF and I have some close friends that together have five kids, three are Jamie's kids, two are Michelle's. They have been together five years. Jamie is an awesome father. So good that he has won full custody of his children from his ex wife. Jamie and Michelle live together with all their kids, ranging from ages 13 to 7.

Their is a problem in their household. The youngest, Matt, is seven and is Michelle's child. Michelle's ex husband is not in the picture and will not ever be. Matt is having accidents in his pants all the time. I have been stressing to them that he needs to go to a doctor but they blow me off saying that I don't know anything because I don't have children. It's true, I don't have kids. But a seven year old who is still having accidents, and I am not just talking about urination here, has to have a severe problem.

Matt has been kicked off the bus because of his problem. He is constantly being made fun of because of this. This past week, he dropped his pants and went on the rug in the living room. Jamie wants to take Matt to the doctor. He wants to talk to him as a father would, Michelle will not allow it. Michelle's parents are aware of what is going on with Matt, in fact all of the family knows. My boyfriend is really close to the oldest, which is Jamie's boy, and John is getting depressed because all he sees is Michelle and Jamie fighting. John said, and I quote, "Dad wants to help Matt and Michelle won't let him. It makes me feel that she won't ever help me if I have a problem."

I am so close to calling Child Services on Michelle. But that is a huge decision. I have talked to a few people about it. I have gotten mixed reactions. Some say leave it alone, others say stop being a shrink. Just continue to urge to get him to a doctor, which is what Jamie wants. But Michelle and Jamie aren't married yet. Next weekend is a party for Michelle where her parents will be and I wonder if I should say something. Or at least to Jamie's sister who I am actually the closest too as I am the same age as her.

Any advice? I feel so bad for Matt and I want to help. My heart is breaking for him

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Let me ask you something Tishy. Would you happen to know what she feeds him. Does he eat a lot of wheat. If so, he may have a wheat allergy which can lead to something called celiac disease which results from glutens found in wheats. Anyone can get it. Do you know if he has lost any weight? I'll give you a link to more on the disease. I'll tell you now, Mom has better get her crap together because this can really mess with his puberty. It can delay it a lot. I say this is all seriousness. Shitting like that is not healthy, and a child who is going like that can wind up malnourished. In terms of reporting her, I would say, go for it. Try to speak to his stepfather also, behind the mothers back. It's shady, but you do what you have to do.

http://www.celiaccentral.org/

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They eat macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, tuna casserole and sometimes hamburgers. No soda mostly juice. They always have some form of sweets for dessert, be it ice cream, cookies, cake whatever. I have never seen any of the kids eat any kid of fruit or veggies. Milk for dinner. Like I said, I am not a parent so I don't know if this is right or not, but the kids eat dinner between eight and nine at night and then go to bed. Except when my BF and I babysit, we feed them at six. We have cooked a lasagna for them and they scoffed it like there was no tomorrow.

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Not eating healthily can affect his bowel movements, but if this is not talking to the other children, then , I think it might be physcological. Was he ever taught to use the BR? I think potty training, is literally, potty training. Parents need to teach their children to do things like that. Some are sharper than others. A parent cannot expect a damn baby, someone who doesnt know much, to automatically know how to use the BR. Thats why they wear pampers, to hold the urine and bowels until someone TEACHES them how to go. By all means, I am not lecturing you Tishy, I am just saying. If you(not you), dont teach them, they can damn well get up to be 7 and not know. How are the other kids taking it? Are they helping out?

Another thing I would consider looking into is Fecal Incontinence. Here is a link.

http://www.augs.org/custom/kb/answer.cfm?i...ts&cat_id=3

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No, I don't think you are lecturing me. I am asking for help because I am so torn on what to do. Matt was able to use the bathroom until about three years ago. I know this because I have known them for four years.

On one occassion, I saw the other four kids throw his underwear at him. Jamie put a stop to it while Michelle did nothing. But now they are getting really tired of it. The other kids refuse to sit next to him at dinner, etc.

I am also wondering if he has already been kicked off the school bus, why hasn't the school taken notice of this?

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It sounds to me like we have a very screwed up family here. I think they need to see a family psychologist. If the parents are refusing to recognize that their child needs help, than they need help just as much as he does. If his brothers and sisters are tauting him and they fail to realize he needs help, than they need help, also. If this man cares more to help his wifes son, than the wife, the kids mother, than she doesn't deserve to have kids. Bottom line. There are so many things that can be going on that I would hate to imply. Is he being abused in any way, other than the mental abuse he is sustaining from his siblings and the neglectful abuse from his parents. Is he being physically abused. Sometimes, a child can act out, after being abused. I wish there was a way for you to tell them they need help without offending them. I ask, you, Is the friendship really worth watching this child go through this? If your answer is no, tell them they need help. If they react negatively, do not make a fuss. Walk away and report them. If you get nothing else across to these people, let them know that what they are doing is against the law. Tell them, if they are getting tired of it, Do something about it!!

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If this woman's not gonna help her child with a serious problem such as this, you need to report her. If she won't let the man take him to the doctor, then he needs to just ignore her and schedule an appointment as soon as possible.

I also wonder why the school wouldn't take notice. If its this bad and this serious, why is he even going to school? Again, this sounds very serious.

Those parents need to shift into gear and help this poor boy, also put those other four in their places for making fun of him as you mentioned they throwing his underwear at him. If they don't, as much as it may pain you, it would be a very good idea to report them. This is a seven year old who is so bad he has to do it in the living room. No parent should just stand by and do nothing.

Do the other kids have any problems similar to this? Or is he the only one having problems? If the other children are having a problem as well, it would be best to check them out just for safety. I agree alot of with what Jay said especially on how they need to see a family psychologist. The whole family does, not just the boy or his mother.

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At first, I was thinking the problem might be Crohn's Disease, another autoimmune disease accompanies by diarrhea but it seems like that starts around the early teens. Of course, there are always exceptions.

Whatever the case, Matt needs to go to a doctor to diagnose this, ASAP. Constant diarrhea leads to dehydration as well...and that isn't at all good for the health.

I pretty much agree with what others have been suggesting. Tell the parents that the child has a health problem and needs to go see a doctor pronto. A psychologist is highly recommended as well since it's clear the mother and some of the siblings are showing a dangerous level of ignorance here. Of course, it's understandable why children would make fun of something like this...I think the mother has absolutely no excuse, though.

If, after you've talked to the parents, they still don't take Matt to the doctor, I'd either do it myself (not sure if that's legal but anyhoo...) or call child services because it's obvious that the parents are not responding to what appears to be a really serious problem with their child.

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