AMC: Favorite one liners/exchanges/scenes

[DevotedToAMC]

Let's all share some of the funniest one liners or exchanges and scenes from AMC. I will kick it off:

1. Brooke: "Well nobody steam rolls a marriage like Erica"

Erica: "If my marriages never ended Brooke, who would you have to date?

2. Marian (to Liza): "You should never underestimate your mother."

Liza (to Marian): "Yea and I can't get rid of her either!"

3. Marian (to Liza): "You should never try to think of me as your mother."

Liza (to Marian): "Oh I've tried, believe me, I've tried."

4. Liza (to Marian): "Who else have you slept with, mother? Elvis? Jimmy Hoffa?"

5. (Kendall, Greenlee, and Lily are held captive in a cave by Jonathan)

Greenlee (to Lily): "So put you hands over your ears and sing the Star Spangled Banner, count Erica's ex husbands by threes......"

Greenlee (to Lily): "Don't worry about Kendall, Lily. She just likes to live in a place called La La Land."

Lily (to Greenlee): "La La Land I thought she lived in Pine Valley with us."

6. JR (about Babe): "That wasn't love. That was a blonde with a nice rack!"

7. Erica (to Adam): "Adam if you were feeling lonely why didn't you just take in a dog from the pound?"

Adam (to Erica): "I prefer purebread b1tches."

8. Greenlee (to Jackson at SOS): "Well I'm having lunch with Simone but she's late so that means she's probably been arrested again."

9. Brooke (to Erica at a bridal fair): "Shopping for round 10?"

10. Maria (to Erica): "You know evil gatekeepers are usually three headed guard dogs, not two faced b1tches."

11. Kendall (to Erica about Reggie): "Spare me, Erica. He's been to juvi more times than you've walked down the aisle."

12. Reggie (To Erica at her wedding rehearsal. She's upset that someone won't walk her down the aisle): "Now Erica you have many miles down the aisle. I think you can find your way there on your own."

13. Erica (to Mona): "You know what, mother? You need to stop watching those soap operas. They are really scrambling your brain."

Mona (to Erica): "You know, Erica, with a daughter like you I don't need to watch soap operas...I live in one!"

14. Krystal (to Mary): "With Babe giving birth I'm going to be the youngest grandma in the trailor park." (just funny how she said it)

15. Bianca (to Kendall): "Yes and I feel a pull when watching the PVU women's volleyball team but I resist it."

16. Erica (to Adam): "One small problem, Adam. A: I loathe you....B: I despise you....and C: If you were the last man on Earth, I would check myself into a convent."

17. Derek (to a drunken JR after he hit Amanda): "Alright you are going downtown"

JR (To Derek): "Shotgun?"

18. Derek (to Mimi about Garrett): "You think I'm going to hand over my daughter to that Denzel wannabe?"

19. Livia (to JR): "JR the day I take orders from you is when the inmates take over the asylum and elect you head crazy."

20. The scene where Tad and David are in the hotel room in Florida and the maid comes in and she thinks they want to do a threesome

***any scene with Janet From Another Planet from her latest stint (2005-2006)***

[Laurie]

Zach to Ryan-'When are they going to come out with a Ryan doll? It will make millions esp. if it doesn't talk.'

Kendall to Zach-'What are you going to do? Whip out your magic wand? LOL

Zach to Kendall-'Those sick little bastard elves!' Hee

I will post more later

[alwaysAMC]

OMG, I love this thread - brings back great memories.

I'm bad about remembering one-liners myself, but this of course is sort of legendary around here:

Erica: "I don't need D-N-A. I have K-A-N-E! (or something similar)

Anyway usually the best one-liners are from Erica/Brooke scenes (Thanksgiving '06 gave us wonderful jabs) - Marian/Liza scenes - Greenlee/Erica stuff - or anytime Simone.

[NaVell J. Lee]

Erica: Hello, 911! This is Erica Kane!

[a2sassy]

Kendall about Zarf: "Get this yahoo out of here." That was just hilarious to me.

[NaVell J. Lee]

Erica: What about Dr. Maria "BOOM BOOM" Grey?

Erica: (to Adam) Well, Adam, once again I'll have to refer to our agreement, and it states very clearly, right above your signature. No marital rights...none. None for the duration for this marriage made in hell. So you touch me, BREATHE on me, and I'll kill you.

[Ryan]

Here are some of mine:

Vanessa (to Leo): Darling, please, just go over there. Speak up for your poor, defenseless mother.

Leo (to Vanessa): Please, Vanessa. You're as defenseless as a cruise missile.

Vanessa (after Laura comes to her for help): You've come to your mother-in-law. How flattering.

Laura: Well, this job requires somebody with no conscience, so naturally I thought of you.

Anna (to David talking about their relationship): Why ruin a perfectly good situation? We have a lot of laughs, don't we, you and I? I slip a mickey. You booby trap me. It's fun.

Marian: You know what they say about one's bed.

Vanessa: One's bed?

Marian: Mm-hmm. You make it, you lie in it. And, from what I understand, whenever there is a bed, you always seem to be close by, Vanessa.

Erica: This Trey Shepherd is as cold and as ruthless as they come.

Greenlee: It's about time someone's got in his way.

Erica: Made him pay for all the damage he's done.

Greenlee: A nice long stretch behind bars.

Erica: No time off for good behavior.

Greenlee: And a bunkmate, named Bubba, who wants to be his special friend.

[a semi-hysterical Brooke tries to explain the significance of Babe's pregnancy to Tad and informs him that he may be a grandfather]

Tad: A grandpa? Jamie's pregnant? Boy, there's a medical first.

Brooke: This isn't funny. I just had an up-close-and-personal with Pine Valley's newest cowgirl.

Tad: Uh-huh. Babe managed to rope you in?

[chuckles]

Tad: See what I did there?

Brooke: Stop it. Babe told me that she's pregnant.

Tad: Well, great. That is big news. Why aren't you shrieking at Adam? She's married to HIS son.

Erica (talking about Adam): Oh, this isn't my friend; this is my ex-husband.

Adam: One of many. I'm third from the end - at least, I think so; I haven't seen Erica for a couple of days.

Kendall (referring to bringing Zach to the fundraiser): What, you think I brought him here just to spite you?

Ryan: Now, wouldn't that be a shocker?

Kendall: Ok, and I guess you're the reason that I had a cappuccino today. See, I think you're confusing me with your little pet kitty Greenlee.

Maria: You know, usually evil gatekeepers are three-headed dogs, not two-faced bitches.

Greenlee: Simone, I need you to do something illegal for me.

Simone: Well, if you keep posting my bail, I'm your puppet.

Greenlee: I need you to steal something for me.

Simone: What is it ?

Greenlee: My husband's sperm.

Simone: You know no-one is going to buy it. I would never need to be artificially inseminated. You know this could decimate my love life. Not to mention my threshold for pain is like non-existent. I practically passed out when you stomped on my foot! I can't survive childbirth!

[WTGH]

Erica to Maria: Well... aren't you self importance wrapped in a too-tight sweater?

Kendall to Greenlee: Oh, it's you.

Greenlee retorts: That's OK. You're not the cherry on the sundae of my life either.

[Kylie]

LMAO this is a great thread. Classic.

One of my favorites was when Erica was complaining to David (think Dixie with that trademark curly almost poodle look if you will, circa late 90's) that Dixie knows more then she does.

Erica: I bet Dixie knows. Dixie's been guarding your office like a poodle on steriods.

Vanessa to David (about Leo and Greenlee): He's found a charming companion in Greenlee Smythe. She's beautiful. She's well mannered. She's pedigreed.

David: And always in heat from what I can see.

(After Greenlee's car accident Greenlee had to go to the bathroom, so Erica offers her help)

Erica: Code Blue.

[R Sinclair]

I remember that line... and that hair.

Here are some of my favorites:

Greenlee: Ground rules, huh? I hate rules.

Laura: Oh, but you're going to follow these.

Greenlee: Oh, yeah? You're so strong and brave all of a sudden?

Laura: I have somebody else's heart beating in my chest. You have no idea about strength like that.

Greenlee: Hmm... I see. "I Am Transplant Woman. Hear Me Roar."

****

Greenlee: Must get awful crowded in that bed of yours -- you, Leo, your colossal expectations.

Laura: You have no idea what goes on in my bedroom...

Greenlee: Quiet, convalescent sex. Boring!

****

Laura: You suck.

Greenlee: Ouch. Sting me.

****

Allie Doyle (to David): As long as there are nubile young idiots running around the world, you'll be as happy as a pig in Chicago.

****

Opal: You have about as much use for this peignior as a pack mule has for an English saddle.

Marian: And you're obviously a candidate for hormone replacement. Is that your problem?

****

Ryan (schmoozing Gillian's grandmother Eugenia): Gillian didn't tell me her grandmother was a famous actress! I absolutely adored you in The Way We Were.

Gillian: That was Viveca Lindfors, and she's dead, Ryan.

****

MOST HILARIOUS LINE OF THEM ALL!!!

Henry: So, what happened?

Maggie: Ultimately, I wasn't who Bianca needed me to be.

Henry: Frankie?

Maggie: No, I wasn't gay.