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Malcolm's role of Pat Ryan on Ryan's Hope would become larger as the weeks went on, and that he would be taking this role of Jesus in a production of Godspell in upstate New York. How was this affecting him - what was it giving to him to have so much going on at one time? With an enormous smile on his face he told me.

"Right now it's like a time of storing up energy. I'll be so busy on the show and doing Godspell and commuting, I have to make the best use of my time. So this is making me have to make strict economy of time which is good for me. It's good training!"

Did they inform Malcolm that his role of Pat Ryan was going to grow - or did he learn it himself.

"No, we talked about it. They are a wonderful group of people and tremendous to work with. Do you notice how wonderfully they build their plots on Hope? All the things that are happening with Delia right now are great and the complications are terrific!" Now it is obvious that Pat Ryan, too, will be a part of these complications.

"I got a week off for the rehearsal of Godspell and it's about an hour-and-a-half drive to the theater. I'll be sleeping in New York - sort of touching base - and meditating and doing yoga which is as good as a few hours sleep. I just want to use my energy as efficiently as possible."

For Malcolm, who is totally in touch with spirituality, there must be a great deal of emotion in playing the role of Jesus.

"I'm really looking forward to it. I'm also hoping that it will be a channel for something to come through. I want to be responsive. He said some great things and it's brought out in the play. Perhaps it's done in a tighter manner - but it's all brought out about the Kingdom of Heaven Being Within. That's a lot of what meditation is about - teaching that heaven is within.

"You know, what Buddha said is like what Jesus said. The lessons underlying the words of religions are the same. He taught a way of life. Religion is man-made, Truth is God-made. Truth is the thing beneath the labels."

For a man who spends so much good energy and self-use in finding stillness, peace and truth. I wondered if perhaps New York City was not the best choice in the world for an environment. Malcolm met the question head-on.

"I feel as though my art is my 'service.' In mediation I try to go inside and tap something that I can let outside and relate to the outer world. That's what art is, too. It's what finding out what self is.

"New York affects me as much as I let it. You actually create your own environment. Whatever your inner-state is - that's the way you have to perceive things. Depending on my state of mind, I can perceive a heaven or a hell. One of the laws of metaphysics is that consciousness creates form. New York is the only place for me to do my art. It may change, but right now its where my 'service is. New York is the quintessence of what's going on in the world. It might be one of the darkest times in the world, but there is also a ray of light. That's what I try to tune into."

At this point of time in Malcolm Groome's life, he is not deeply into a relationship with any one person.

"The main relationship I'm involved with is working on myself. It's the only thing to do. Working on my consciousness, my growth and my evolution. You know, if you can be a conscious being in New York you can be one anywhere. You can't be lazy with yourself in New York. It just must be within you as an on-going process."

Was there anything that would make Malcolm happy - perhaps material or tangible?

"What I try to do is not attach myself or my goals to the world of form. That isn't to say that I don't want the ease and comfort of things because I do! But I just believe in the growth of the soul first. I want so much to improve myself. I don't know where it's going. I want to work on my art and be as much of a channel as I can be to the world."

Here again, I feel as though I must say that trying to paint a picture of Malcolm Groome by words is almost wrong. Just the way people who try to write about emotional things like love and death and birth and joy - we can only hope to get close to the truth. And we keep trying.

"You asked what makes me happy," he said softly. "The process of acting makes me happy. It's the begin one with the process. In work I feel very alive. It goes beyond happy - it's not just a smiley thing. It can be working at your ultimate aliveness. I feel happy any time I can feel a peaceful acceptance."

I don't know why I didn't realize that it was really raining the whole time I was with Malcolm or even after I was out on the street. Maybe I was too busy being grateful that not only did I know Malcolm Groome - but that we were friends.

- Ronni Ashcroft

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When Ryan's Hope began, it was the first time [...] an ethnic background was used for the main family.

So who were the Bauers of GUIDING LIGHT? WASP's?

Edited by Khan
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