All: TV Guide's "Worst of 2007"

[dragonflies]

I knew we were in for a bumpy ride when All My Children started the year by murdering Dixie---the snow's heart and soul--with a plate of poisoned pancakes. But hey, that more airtime for Zarf, a rude, suffocatingly hammy, penis-flashing transgender rock star who fell in love with Pine Valley's saintly lesbian Bianca. Appropriately, fans on the internet named the couple "Barf"

In a pathetic attempt to boost ratings, Days of Our Lives

General Hospital viewers had a fit and threatened to stop watching when heartthrob Jax was held hostage and forced into sex by a loony Russian chick. They didn't seem to mind when a Port Charles strangler killed three women.

Things that made me cringe: Constantine Maroulis on The Bold and the Beautiful. The weepy judges on I Wanna Be a Soap Star. The As the World Turns plot that had Alison--a former porn star and meth addict--offering to donate her eggs so Gwen could get pregnant. But nothing out-grossed Passions' evil hermaphrodite, Vincent, who seduced his own father and wound up pregnant. Not even Nip/Tuck had the nerve to try that.

It was also the year that the Daytime Emmys--plagued by ballot problems, some very suspicious winners and an insulting telecast--officially became irrelevant. As Mario Cantone noted on the View: "It's the ony show where people you've never heard of win awards nobody gives a crap about." Being a true blue soap nut, I should have been outraged by that remark...except I had to agree.