I just wanted to say thank you for the support that my fellow SONers have shown me during the last few weeks, and to apologize for not feeling up to either posting or conversing off of the board.

I've been in a dark place these past few weeks. My brother in law dying from an OD brought back memories of my own demons and the crippling pain it brought back has made me a shell of my usual self.

About five years ago I battled my own problem with drugs. I turned to cocaine as a way of coping with the brutal rape that I suffered two years prior. Knowing that my brother in law succombed to the horrific grasp of the white devil has effected me greatly. Not so much because I lost him, per se, because he really was a nasty person who abused my sister and his children (though its still tragic that he died). It effected me because during my battle with cocaine addiction, I once OD'ed and almost left this world. Looking down at him in the coffin, cold pale and lifeless, I saw myself, and it terrified me thinking of what could have been.

I've been reclusive since the funeral, trying to cope with memories and experiences of my teeb years. To be honest, I came close several times to locking myseld in the bathroom with a razor blade.

The fact that some of you made it a mission to make me smile again has helped tremendously. Ryan. Vee, Kenny and Dusty especially, from the bottom of my still healing heart, thank you.

You have been a guiding light. And though its going to be a long and painful road, getting out of this tunnel, seeing that light in the far off distance is going to motivate me to run instead of walk.

Shawny, I had no idea that you went through this. I am so sorry, and you know I am always around whenever you need it. Anything I can do to say/help, I will man.

Oh, Shawn. You don't have to thank us. We're a little family here... and we're here to support each other.

*hugs*

You're a strong man. You're gonna be alright.

*hugs* You always have support here, you know that.

WE LOVE YOU, SHAWN!

(marry me?)

Alky, I had no idea of all the things you've been though. On the bright side, you've come through it all so that makes you a survivor, which you should take heart in if ever you get depressed or feel you're nearing the edge. My positive thoughts are with you.

Edited March 24, 200718 yr by JointStrikeFighter

I'm really sorry, Shawn. Just know that we're all here to help.

You know we love you, Shawn.

Shawn you know that I would do anything for you. You are one of the few people that I can truly call a friend and I am glad that I was able to help you in any way that I did. We all go through things that envelop us in a dark cloud, but it's our determination and support from friends and family that help pull us out of it.

We love you Shawn!

Shawn if you ever, ever need us, we are here for you...no questions asked.

You are in my heart, in my thoughts and prayers... I know that you have been going through a lot, so if you just need that shoulder/s to lean on, do so...I'm always online and always ready to listen.

Love you tons Shawn.

I (heart) all of you!

Shawn...you already know how I feel, bud

And psstt!! (I love the new banner!! Wonder who made it?! )

Edited March 26, 200718 yr by Actor87

aww man. I have had those moments in the past. if you need someone to talk to pm me or email me.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you Shawn!

aww man. I have had those moments in the past. if you need someone to talk to pm me or email me.

Thanks Soap. I might take you up on that offer if and when I feel down again.

Shawn, I truly do care for you soo much. I had no idea you went through all of that, so I don't know exactly what to say except this: Keep your head up buddy. Come to us all and you will get all the support you'll need. You can PM me or anything. *hugs*