What Republicans Need to Believe

[DevotedToAMC]

What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of

homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a

bad guy when Bush's daddy

made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did

business with him, and a badguy

when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"

diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is

Communist, but trade

with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of

international harmony.

4 The United States should get out of the United

Nations, and our highest

national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions

against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her

own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions

affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to

praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and

combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our

long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound

policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and

insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are

junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair

is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support

for a war in which thousands die is solid defensive foreign policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers

named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring

the Internet.

13 The public has a right to know about Hillary' s

cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our

business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a

crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and

you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. The right to "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who

will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but

what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and

blame them for wearingorange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to

at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more

Republicans in '06 and '08.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican

[Scotty]

I love it!

[DevotedToAMC]

I am sure somebody will ask for it to be shut down (oh well!)

[Toups]

LMAO!! That was great.

[Scotty]

It's a great time to be a Democrat!

[DevotedToAMC]

You got to love #13...it all comes down to a simple phrase: When all else fails, blame Clinton

One of my friends has in his signature at another forum.."Don't worry about what cons think--they don't do it often"

Toups I just noticed you are from Ottawa? No way! Can you get about half the nation to take us up to Canada on refuge status, pretty please?

[Rebecca]

Love it!

I know we got a couple people that are gonna be offended. That's gonna be the most entertaining part hehe.

[Kwing42]

Why would anyone be offended about this? My friend sent that to me along time ago and I got a good laugh out of it. Political satire is what is fun. I love the endless jokes that can be made at the expense of both/all political parties, because there are times that they all set themselves up to be made fun of...more often than not.!

[Chris]

I love it.

[R!ck]

Here's another one

20 Ways to be a good Republican

1. You have to accuse anyone that disagrees with you of being "Un-American"

2. You have to believe that the best way to teach future adults about that awful s-e-x stuff is to pretend that it doesn't exist.

3. You have to believe that the constitution guarantees everyone except felons (but including children) the right to have a gun, but there should be no laws that check on gun purchasers to make sure they are not those felons.

4. You have to believe that everyone should only view the art that YOU like, and they shouldn't have opinions of their own.

5. You have to believe that big companies wouldn't pollute if you just took away the laws that tell them not to.

6. You have to believe that God is all-powerful and cannot make a mistake, but that he did make one by creating homosexuals.

7. You have to believe that using all the oil, cutting down all the trees, and polluting all the the waters is okay, because Jesus will be back before it's all gone.

8. You have to believe that the Government forcing of a business to meet a minimum wage is oppressing that business from creating prosperity.

9. You have to believe that the proper use of a National Park would be a huge strip-mining operation, and that people are loonies for opposing such things.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is measured by the amount of people you have stepped on to get to where you are.

11. You have to believe that the military has nothing to do with starting wars.

12. You have to believe that forcing the use of gun trigger locks so 3 year olds will stop accidentally blowing their brains out is the epitome of government oppression.

13. You have to believe that a CEO who pockets 180 MILLION dollars AFTER taxes is paying too damn much to the government.

14. You have to believe that the treatment of women back when Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison lived is the way it should be today.

15. You have to believe that consensual sex out of wedlock is a problem, but hundreds of priests molesting young boys is not.

16. You have to believe that Dan Quayle is an intelligent person who is just mis-understood.

17. You have to call Bill Clinton a Socialist, even though he has presided over the most prosperous economic period of capitalism ever. (And boy don't you hate it!)

18. You have to believe that a government leader's private life is everybody's business but an administration secretly and illegally selling US weapons to third world crazies isn't.

19. You have to believe that America can be home to any and all religions, as long as it is Christianity.

20. You have to believe that cutting taxes for the wealthiest 1% is in the best interest of the average American.

[Rebecca]

Quite right.

[Kwing42]

I like yours Rick...now that is humor!

[David_Vickers]

Great posts Devoted to AMC and Rick. They are so humorous and so true.

[DaysFanJean]

I'm an Independent and I LOVE these, too. The current Republican trend is insane.