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Primetime Help for Daytime Soaps

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By Stella Bednarz

Y&R/Murder She Wrote

Y&R's favorite private detectives, Paul Williams and Andy Richards, are handsome and diligent, but alas, a bit slow. They figure things out...eventually. Remember how long it took to discover that Lauren was the unwilling captive of a psycho? It would be great if Murder She Wrote's ace mystery writer/sleuth flew in from Cabot Cove Maine to lend her considerable expertise to the guys from Genoa City. Of even greater importance - she's speedy. Remember, Jessica solves all of her mysteries in one hour.

As The World Turns/Cosby Show

Norman Rockwell wouldn't paint the Snyder family. On As the World Turns, maitre d'/farmer/writer Seth is involved in a curious triangle with Frannie and her lookalike cousin, Sabrina; Iva becomes best buddies with the illegitimate daughter she consigned to adoption; Holden goes from stable boy to junior exec in one easy lesson and romances the boss's daughter; Tartlet Meg sashays around Oakdale in search of a rich husband. No wonder their mama, Emma, looks so pained as she heads out to milk the cows. Perhaps a visit with The Cosby Show's Huxtable clan would benefit them. They would gain a deeper appreciation of the importance of honesty. (Face it, the Snyders all lie in the name of peace and tranquility, then they scream when the truth is uncovered.) The Snyders would also see that laughter is a powerful ingredient in family living. If nothing else, the trip would get Emma off that farm for a day. While she's in New York, maybe the kids could take her to Radio City Music Hall to see the show. Emma just hasn't been the same since her ex-beau, John, married Lucinda.

General Hospital/Golden Girls

GH's Lila Quartermaine has quite enough family (and family problems) but not too many friends who are her own age. She's a classy lady who needs to get out and socialize with a fun bunch. Sad to say, this is hard to accomplish in Port Charles. What better solution than a trip to Florida to visit the Golden Girls?

Imagine Lila marveling at Blanche's many romantic encounters; sharing down-to-earth discussions with pragmatic Dorothy; smiling at innocent Rose's Minnesota farm tales or trading one-liners with the outrageous Sophia. It would sort of be like going to summer camp - senior style. We're willing to bet the Quartermaines rarely conduct marathon conversations during midnight kitchen raids.

Guiding Light/Perfect Strangers

Guiding Light's Roxie Shayne and Chelsea Reardon are attractive girls who have lousy luck when it comes to love. They should forget the tycoon's son and the flyer with a shady past. It's high time these ladies dated two (almost) normal guys - Balki and Larry from Perfect Strangers.

These fellows hold down everyday jobs and live in an average apartment. If Roxie and Chelsea can exist without murder and mayhem, and learn to live with loyalty and kindness, we may have something here. Who matches up with whom? Don't be ridiculous.

Days of Our Lives/Moonlighting

DAYS's dilemma: Now that Shane and Kimberly are married, how do they still lead intriguing lives? By visiting the Blue Moon Detective Agency. Granted, Moonlighting's David Addison and Maddie Hayes aren't the ideal couple. However, they do work, laugh, love and fight together - a lofty concept for the oft-separated Donovans to adopt. Why shouldn't Shane ditch the decade ISA and combine his spy know-how with Kim's psych background to form their own private-eye team?

Kimberly gets to wear chic silk ensembles, enter rooms with a flourish, balance the books and drive a BMW. Shane acquires hip shades, conducts impromptu limbo contests, and sings sixties songs a capella (but keeps his hairline). Calliope can be their Ms. DiPesto, running the front desk and and redecorating the office each week in a different theme. If it doesn't work out, Mr. and Mrs. Donovan can visit Hart to Hart's Jonathan and Jennifer, and try that couple's sophisticated brand of romance, wealth and adventure.

Santa Barbara/Miami Vice

Tough, honest, dedicated. Cruz Castillo is a cop capable of tackling far more challenging assignments than the ones that cross his desk on Santa Barbara. (We're talking professional work here. Personal trauma doesn't count). Cruz is ready to see action in a larger beachfront locale. Yes, its' time for him to join forces with Miami Vice and work with another guy named Castillo. A distant cousin, perhaps?

Those sartorially splendid crimefighters, Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs, could give him a few fashion pointers about dressing for drug busts, Southern style. In return, Cruz can show them how it's possible to be tough and tender. And did you ever consider the possibility that maybe - just maybe - Cruz and Eden might be able to work things out if they bid farewell to their hometown? Santa Barbara is lovely, but lethal.

One Life to Live/Cheers

Llanview's ladies need to lighten up, kick back, and relax. To go...where everybody knows their names. A place like Cheers. Viki, Dorian and Maria can learn the fine art of hanging out at Boston's most famous watering hole. Bartender Sam will (naturally) make an outrageous pass at Maria; Carla will surely cut Dame Dorian down to size, while Norm will get Viki to forget her troubles by telling a few not-so-funny stories. What better way for the trio to leave Llanview behind for a while? Besides, after the ladies are forced to listen to Cliff's lengthy proclamation, they'll be more than happy to hop the next shuttle home.

Loving/Highway to Heaven

Jim Vochek is used to looking for counsel from up above. Why should this habit stop now that he's left the church? Highway to Heaven's resident angel, Jonathan is the solution to the ex-priest's prayers. With the high-flying connections, Jonathan can smoothly guide Jim through the sometimes-confusing secular world. It's a friendship made in, well, you get the picture.

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Thanks Carl, these little fantasy "excursions" SOD would do were often fun. I remember one where they took primetime soap characters and transplanted them on daytime. Only one I really remember was taking Sable Colby and putting her AW, mixing it up with old acquaintance Carmen Duncan-Iris.

Lila on TGG is cute, I could see her playing the role Geraldine Fitzgerald played of Sophia's friend who wanted to commit suicide. Interestingly enough, Meg Wylie who subbed for Anna Lee in the early '90s, played no less than four different guest roles on TGG.

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Was Meg the old woman who dropped dead after Rose argued with her?

Those little bits in SOD are a lot of fun. I love the idea with Sable and Iris.

There's also one about comedians joining soaps. Whoopi replacing Diahann Caroll on Dynasty, Steve Martin as Abby's new love on Knots Landing, Eddie Murphy as Jesse's half-brother on AMC, etc. They're more fun than the Diva columns, which are pretty good sometimes but are a lot nastier than I would have expected.

Did you see the Capitol article I posted in that thread yesterday?

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Whoopi once said in an interview that if she did a series again she wasn't going to do a sitcom (this was after Bagdad Cafe bombed, and actually before Whoopi!, which also bombed), she said she wanted to, "do 'cheese', I'ma do Dynasty." It looked like she was when the pilot for Harlem was announced, a primetime soap starring her, and Frank Langella and Harry Belafonte as brothers in a multiracial family in Harlem, but it didn't materialize. Her and Frank's split may have had something to do with it.

I'm about to check out the Capitol article. :)

Nan Martin was Frieda Claxton, the woman who dropped dead, as well as Philomena, the woman who believed she was Dorothy's biological mother. Meg played Candy the stewardess, Peter Graves' character's mother, Rose's boyfriend's jealous ex Myra, one of Sophia's co-workers at a fast food restaurant...

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Did John Conboy hire Janis Paige? He hired her to play Sam's first wife/Trey's biological mom, Laureen, on Capitol during its last days so I'm thinking he did, maybe almost as a favor since that gig was so short. BTW, Trey Clegg and Mason Capwell have that in common, the eldest sons and only children of the first wives, their shows' snarky leading men.

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And it's too bad that she and Myrna never got a chance to bitch each other out. I have an ep where her identity is still a secret, actually, I'm not sure that it was ever revealed as the show was cancelled before that story got fleshed out. As a matter of fact, I think the ep I have is when Kelly first hired her to be Scotty's (her grandson) nanny. I'm going to take the rest of this over to the Capitol thread...

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