Carly tells Jack she realizes they're over and she wants to help him win back Katie. Sam (via Cowboy Jack) accuses Parker of being mean to his siblings and his mom. Chris tries to revive an unconscious Bob. Chris tells the family that Bob had a stroke. He doesn't inform Kim that he and Bob fought. Kim is adamant that Chris be named interim chief of staff. Bonnie cancels her plans with Dallas to play basketball with Holden. With Noah's help, Luke walks. Luke wants Noah to spend Christmas break at the farm. Emma has a bad reaction to the idea of Luke and Noah sharing a room. Luke hints that he's ready to be intimate with Noah. Aaron learns Cole has left Sofie. Paul finds out about Barbara's role in duping Will, Gwen and Sofie and says he won't help her with Will. Craig and Meg learn they're having a boy and share a close moment. Dr. Bullock tells Meg she is a carrier for Gaucher's disease, which might affect her baby if the baby's father has it, as well. Craig reads articles on how to cause a miscarriage.

SNEAK PEEK: Will walks out on Barbara.

This puppet [!@#$%^&*] is ridiculous. If I was Jack (not Cowboy Jack) I would shoot the puppet.

Sam (via Cowboy Jack) accuses Parker of being mean to his siblings and his mom.

A puppet? What is this? SOAP?

Before you know it, Meg will wonder if an alien fathered a baby, and Holden will think he can make himself disappear just by snapping his fingers.

A puppet? What is this? SOAP?

Before you know it, Meg will wonder if an alien fathered a baby, and Holden will think he can make himself disappear just by snapping his fingers.

Hey, I floved SOAP!!!

I floved it, too, but it was intended as a parody of the genre, and not the wellspring for ideas that today's hacks apparently think it is.

Sounds like just a boring week

Chris tells the family that Bob had a stroke. Craig reads articles on how to cause a miscarriage.

NOW can Frannie and Sabrina come home???

There must be a story coming when we find out that Lyla had an affair with James, resulting in Craig. Why else is the guy constantly behaving like a Stenbeck?