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Ms. Walsh

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Blog Entries posted by Ms. Walsh

  1. last post

    · Ms. Walsh · 04/12/2006 08:50 PM

    I'm not writing in here anymore. If you want to read anything, read my LJ

    http://another-grl.livejournal.com

    It's mostly Friends Only, so you'll need to have an LJ account and friend me. Some (mostly the boring stuff) is public, so you can read that I guess.

    Ciao.

    Rachel

  2. update

    · Ms. Walsh · 04/11/2006 12:49 AM

    where to begin:

    I have a nasty stomach virus thing...at least I hope it's just a stomach virus. I went to Health Serv. and the nurse said that that's what she thought it was, so I'm going to wait a few more days (b/c it's supposed to take maybe a week and I've had it since Thursday maybe), and if it doesn't get better, then I'll go back to HS and see a doctor. :/ Soooooo...I really don't want it to be bad. It's like taking over my life b/c I can't do anything overly-stressful, and well...Smith is [!@#$%^&*] stressful all the [!@#$%^&*] time!!!!

    We got a snazzy room...215. It should be aWesome next semestre. I cannot waiiiiiiiiit! We might pop a sweet suite in the spring, to change things up and such.

    Classes are so fricking crazy. I have sooooo much crap due. On Monday, I have a fricking Spanish take-home....ugh. No diccionario either. WTH.

    going home for Easter...on Friday after Spanglish class. Registering for clases on Wed. Already have una idea buena sobre what I'm going to take. tomorrow I have 2 meetings...I was elected HONS (Head of New Students) for next year along w/ my roomie...if I didn't mention that already. So I have to go to these stupid meetings, and then I get to return early in late August to go to workshops and shite like that.

    but this stomach thing is bugging me. I don't even want to think about it.

  3. effing ghost!

    · Ms. Walsh · 04/02/2006 01:53 AM

    I didn't want that last entry up top...it makes me too upset.

    This fricking ghost keeping shutting the door! This is the third time today. People say that there is no such things as ghosts...well, they need to spend a day in my room and they'll start believing. The thing isn't even scary...except that night that it turned on the light. It's just annoying!!

    Since I really can't find interesting enough History classes here, I might take a class at UMass. Here's why:

    1. UMass classes are generally easier than Smith courses (surprise...surprise)
    2. it's a good way to unstress...getting off campus.
    3. ummm...CO-ED institutions?? Trust me...I'm not some horny prep school girl, but it will be nice to step away from all that estrogen for a while.

    we'll see how it goes.

  4. wow...:(

    · Ms. Walsh · 04/01/2006 08:27 PM

    I just found out that my old neighbor, Nina, passed away. She was only 19.

    We used to hang out a lot my freshmen and about half of sophomore year because we were the only two people on the bus stop. I remember the first day she moved in. She had just come back from Attleboro, and would tell me stories about ditching class at AHS and how she flunked out her freshmen English class and had to to repeat it now at SHS. She would always be smoking at the stop, and we'd have to look around to make sure that the cops didn't drive by. LOL.

    The one thing I remember the most about her was that she was an excellent signature forger, and would forge hall passes and come visit me during gym class. And then she and I would go in the woods, and she'd smoke another cigarette. The girl was always smoking: she was always trying to quit too.

    Or how once one of her friends got a car, we'd drive into school and would always be late. And once in a while we'd ditch school altogether and she'd go to Dunkin' Donuts and order an iced coffee and put obscene amounts of sugar in it. It was disgusting.

    She made my freshman year a lot of fun. It was probably the best year in high school. And sure, she wasn't the best influence, but she was always a fun person to hang around with. If you're going to make stupid mistakes in your life, your teens are the ones to do it in. I don't regret getting in trouble, getting caught skipping school or smoking in the bathroom, all the detentions, even when I got suspended. We were young and dumb, and I turned around a lot sophomore year. And now I'm the most straight-edge person I know. I just wished Nina could have done the same, but what does it matter now? Good grades, good behavior, even a high school diploma won't save you from death. It could have been me...it could have been anybody. But why was it Nina?

    When I found out that she was dropping out, I was really upset because I thought that her future was over...who knew it would be cut so short. I thought that we would have another fun year together, like we did my freshmen year. I always wished that she'd move back to Anthony Street and would return to high school. But that wasn't meant to be: that wasn't her. After she moved, I would see her often at Target, and she'd tell me about what was going on with her life. The last time I saw her was last summer. She and her fiance were buying a stereo system. She looked happy, and I was happy for her. By then, both of us had changed a lot...that happens when you're teenagers I guess. And now she's gone. Just like that.

    The world can be so cruel at times. Nina was a good person. She made me realize that by judging people just because of the way the look or the stupid decisions they make only leads to not getting to know some amazing people. Nina gave me a year of fun and enjoyment, and allowed me to be stupid and immature without judging who I was. When I was with her, I didn't have to stand up to some kind of expectations. We were both messed up kids who wound up leading different directions in our lives. Even when she was with a group of friends (and she had a lot, I remember), she'd never ignore me. She didn't see me as some shy, nerdy freshman with absolutely no self-esteem whatsoever. Unlike almost everybody else, I wasn't that person to her.

    This kind of stuff isn't supposed to happen to people our age. It isn't supposed to happen to people we know. We hear it on the news, "19-year-old killed in car crash", but we don't know that person.

    Good-bye Nina. I'll truly miss you.

    **from my LiveJournal

    http://www.legacy.com/providence/Obituarie...rsonID=17284309

  5. corrections

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/31/2006 02:48 PM

    I'm worried about registering for classes. I just don't know what I'm going to do...I really should talk to my advisors.

    I'm taking Portuguese next semester definitely b/c someone I know is taking the class, and usually I'm never w/ friends in the FL classes. And it sucks because you can't even speak English in them, so it's 2x harder to talk to people. Plus, I heard really good things about the POR dept. here, and it doesn't hurt that I already speak it...but I'm not telling the prof. it's Brazilian Portuguese, and I speak European Por. so it's not going to help me that much anyway. Right???

    Also, I hope that they offer 241 in the spring b/c it sounds so interesting, esp. if I'm going to Spain.

    I guess I'm not worried too much about rooming...but seriously...it would be nice if we had that huge room in 215 and then two of our friends lived across the hall in 214 because then we'd have that foyer area and our own little VIP area on the roof. The only other option would be to take 315 and then they'd take 316. But 315 is Sylvia Plath's old room...scary!!

  6. roooooooooooom selections

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/30/2006 11:08 PM

    Next week...exactly. 3 April 6PM, we have room draw. Well, Steph (that's my roommate, I'm not sure I've specified that yet) got a really good number: 124. (I got 198, which is good, but her's is better, so we're using that). Now, you'd think that would be the first number....but no. There are like 6-8 new sophomores coming in, and two of them have numbers better than 124 (one is 122!!!)

    So now we're worried about not getting the room we want. Steph insists that we take 215, which I'm fine with. I'll take either 214 or 215. But what if both of them take those two rooms??? I refuse to live on the first floor (there are mice!) and the third floor is just a pain in the ass to schlep all my stuff up and down two flights of stairs.

    I guess we could move over to Wesley, but still...I really want either of those two rooms. It just isn't fair. We should be choosing first. I think that they should give top priority to people staying in the house.

    ugh!

    Junior year, if I'm around, I'll take a suite. Most likely I won't be because I want to go to Spain. Then senior year I'll just take any single (I really want it to be in Wesley, but we'll see what happens)

  7. course selections

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/30/2006 01:46 AM

    It's my favourite time of the semester: course selections!!!!!

    Here's what my schedule will hopefully look like:

    MW
    History 217: World War II in East Asia 9-10.20
    MWF
    Spanish 241: Culturas de Espana 11-12.10
    or
    Portuguese 125: Portuguese for Spanish-speaking people 11-12.10

    TTh
    History 266: Age of Civil War 9-10.20
    Spanish 230: Latin American and Peninsula Literature- Transatlantic Search for Identity

    If I get this schedule, it would mean no classes after 12.10 on MWF and 11.50 on TTh, and only one class on Friday.

    Here's what worries me: not sure about HST 266. Don't know about the prof, so it worries me because what if he's horrible?? I can't handle that! So I figure if worse comes to worse, then I won't take an American History course next semester (even though that is my concentration). The other History will count towards the geograpic distribution anyway.

    And then you've probably realized that I'm back with the Spanish major again. I had a realization that I should just stick to it. I'm pretty confident about the 230 class, and the 241 sounds uber-interesting, but I kind of want to take Portuguese. I think that, no matter what class I take, I can always take Portuguese in the spring along with 244 (which is a requirement for the major), and then go JYA, return and take 250/251 and the two 300 level courses (which really don't look as daunting as it seems IMO)

    Then for the History, I'm just going to take 2 each semester, meaning that I'm only going to have to take 1 my senior year (the seminar). I'll probably wind up taking more.

  8. no way

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/24/2006 09:01 PM

    Would it be wrong to say that I don't want to go back to school? I don't care anymore about the homework because I can always find a way around it. Sometimes I wonder, though, if I'm doing the right thing. It's almost like I'm not having a normal college experience...you know? It's not so much about partying because I don't think I would do that anywhere I went. It's just that the majority of my days in college is devoted to homework...just homework. Between classes and dinner, then between dinner and bed, it's always homework, nothing else. Weekends aren't much better because if I dare to take a break on Friday and/or Saturday, there's always the threat of homework looming over my head. I know that no matter where I went, I'd still have to do homework...but it's just so intense here! Sure, I'm pretty much guaranteed a good job once a graduate because the school has such great alumnae connections and everything else. But I don't know if I can survive another 3 years of this.

  9. spring break

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/21/2006 05:36 PM

    I wrote a long entry in my LJ, so I'm just copying and pasting it here...w/ minor changes to make it fit to this blog:

    Sorry that I haven't updated in a week. Last week was just awful. I'm trying to get over it, but it seems impossible. This week is bound to go by too quickly: I can't believe it's already Tuesday.

    Anyway, I'm not as depressed as I was last week, but I still am because I'm so worried about my classes. I'm sure that I did awfully on all of the stuff that was due last week. I was too stressed out and couldn't concentrate on everything. I know I did bad...on everything! I just know it!! I had a dream last night that I got a B+ on my History essay and everyone else got bad grades, so that's definitely a bad omen. I probably got a C or D on it. I hate what I'm doing to myself. I know that I shouldn't bother with grades because they make me want to pull my hair out, but I still get so upset about them. Why can't I just get over this? It's only my first year. I'm sure that next year will be better, and I've decided to go abroad so that junior year will be lots of fun and not as stressful. When I'm abroad, I'm not even giving a damn about homework. I'm going to apply to Spain and Mexico because Smith has programs there, but I might also apply to programs in Venezuela, Chile, and Argentina too.

    I really need to reevaluate my situation. I feel like I'm not in control of my life anymore, and it's so scary. I just need to live life day by day and not let things as stupid as grades upset me. Why can't I be like normal people and just be happy to pass?? Seriously...I need to start thinking like that because, otherwise, I'll just kill myself with stress and worry. A degree is a degree. Who cares if I get a 4.0 or a 2.5 GPA?? It doesn't matter anyway because I'm not bothering to try to get Latin Honors. People just need to stop talking about grades in front of me. Honestly, I don't give a !@#$%^&*] about how well other people are doing in school.

    High school might have been a pretty difficult experience, but at least I didn't screw myself over about school work. I just screwed myself over about everything else in my life. Why can't my life just be simple?? It's all downhill from here. I can't even think about the future...I can't even think about how I'm going to survive next week.

    I think I'm going to the movie today and tomorrow. Sunday night I saw Capote, and today I'm going to see Brokeback Mountain at 3.20 and then tomorrow I might see Transamerica at 4.30. All the other movies out look so craptastic.

  10. depressed

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/14/2006 09:43 PM

    I had a realization last night that I need some kind of help. I guess I was denying that my depression would come back. I thought that once I was out of high school and in college that it would go away, but I think that it just got worse instead. I'm going to schedule an appointment with the counseling services tomorrow, and I'll probably have an appointment after spring break. Then, I'll just ask to see a psychologist so I can get on medication. Honestly, I don't care anymore. I need to overcome my fear of taking these pills because obviously my problems aren't going to go away naturally. It's like my life is stuck in netrual, and no matter how hard I try, there's still no progress.

    I knew there was a problem when I was standing there in the shower at midnight last night just crying. It was almost as if I had no idea of what was going on. I was just standing doing nothing but crying for 15 minutes. Afterwards, all I could think about was how I needed to go to sleep because then everything would go away and I could start all over again today. Now, though, I feel just as lousy. I know that I shouldn't be stressing myself out, but I kind of have to because I have so much due. I know that there's only 3 days left until I'm on break, but I'm starting to doubt that I can handle even that. Realistically it's not a lot of work. I have already done my History essay, I have 2 pages done of my Women's Studies essay (out of 5--which I will finish tonight), an Econ midterm which doesn't look too bad (which I will study for tomorrow), and a Spanish composition that's 1 1/2 pages and not due until Friday. If I don't bother with the reading (which is very easy for WS and Econ, but not-so-easy for History and Spanish), I don't have anything else to do. I guess I should just realize that I'm not that deep in work. Hopefully, finishing the WS essay (which is rather easy now that I've started it) will allow me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I also haven't been eating well. Last night I skipped dinner, and today I had a SlimFast bar, a half a bagel, and some chips--as well as a cup of coffee. I think I need to lay off the caffeine. Last night I had two cups, but I was still tired. Obviously, caffeine means nothing to my body because I've become so immune to it, so I shouldn't bother drinking it to help me concentrate.

    Here's my self-remedy:
    --stop stressing out
    --eat regularly
    --drink lots of water
    --don't drink caffeine
    --bed at 11.30
    --wear a sports bra...because underwires make me feel even worse because the wire pushes up against my heart and makes it feel like I'm having heart attack.

  11. ready to die

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/13/2006 07:49 PM

    My weekend was good. Mary came--and is still here. She's leaving at 5, and once it happens I'm terribly screwed.

    A part of me feels like crawling into my bed and never getting out. This week is going to be awful. I have two papers, a composition, and a mid-term.

    Also, I'm dropping my Spanish major. The class is just painful. I cried in class today. I know that this might be because of the professor, but I don't care. It makes me feel like an idiot, and I can't subject myself to that anymore.

    So, now I'm just a History major...plain and simple.

  12. it begins

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/10/2006 03:35 PM

    I hate when Fridays don't seem like Fridays. Today, after the usual classes, I have to vacuum the room and steal the mattress from up in the attic. Tonight one of our friends is sleeping in our room because her roommate's boyfriend is coming to town. So I figure that since Mary's coming tomorrow, I'd have to get the room ready anyway. Plus, I'll be bringing back my air mattress from home.

    But then at 4 I have effing tea duty. Ugh...I hate tea!!!!!! It's this stupid tradition that Smith has, but I hate it! I do not want to spend my Friday afternoons talking to people I don't care about: I'd rather watch TV! At least next year, I won't have to do it, and then I won't bother showing up to any of them.

    Next week is going to be awful anyway. I have two papers, one comp, and a mid-term. Let's see how it goes. I think I deserve a little break, so I'm not doing homework on the weekend.

  13. quick update

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/09/2006 03:05 PM

    I got my tax returns back...finally. I was officially broke for this past week and it was really crappy. At least now I'll have a little bit more spending money. I'm only using my state tax returns and am saving the federal.

    If you're wondering about my signature, it's a picture from The Simpsons when Lisa is visited by the Seven Sisters and of course Smith is a butch lesbian. It doesn't mean I'm a lesbian...because I'm not. But that's how my college is stereotyped as being. One of my friends and I were talking about how Wellesley is better than Smith, but how Smith is better than the other 5 sisters. It's a long story...I'll elaborate more when I have the time.

    Ciao.

    PS. Last week I complained to my mom about how I was flat broke, and she sent $20. Now I can buy more nachos, OJ, diet Ginger ale, and a toothbrush and toothpaste.

  14. I don't care about that

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/06/2006 11:37 PM

    Mary's coming on Saturday! Woo-hoo! And it's going to be 60* and sunny (hopefully), so we can have lots of fun. It will be a good distraction from all the work that has to get done before spring break.

    My Spanish class frustrates me so much. I feel like a failure in that class. Ugh! I really do think I need to take 2 classes next semester, or I'll never get good.

    I have way too much homework and I have to go to work in 3 minutes.

    Ciao

    PS. I never realized how straight-edge I am until now.

    Here's a quiz:
    9 lasts
    -last cigarette: October
    -last beverage: iced tea
    -last kiss: umm...a while ago
    -last movie seen: some movie for Spanish
    -last phone call: yesterday, my mom
    -last cd played: Jenny Lewis
    -last bubble bath: January??
    -last time you cried: today
    -last vacation: a long time ago

    8 have you evers.
    -have you ever dated someone twice: no
    -have you ever skinny dipped: no
    -have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: yes
    -have you ever fallen in love: kind of
    -have you ever lost someone you loved: yes
    -have you ever been depressed: yes, a lot
    -have you ever been drunk and thrown up: no

    7 states you’ve been to:
    - New York
    - Florida
    - California
    - Iowa
    -Vermont
    -Maine
    -New Hampshire

    6 things you've done today.
    1. woke up
    2. showered
    3. went to class
    4. had lunch
    5. worked
    6. did homework

    5 favorite things
    1. TV
    2. nice weather
    3. dreaming
    4. History (but not Spanish at the moment)
    5. talking

    4 people you can tell pretty much anything to
    1. my roommate
    2. Mary
    3. my mom?
    4. my blog!

    2 things you want to do before you die
    1. have sex
    2. travel a lot

    1 thing you regret.
    1. being shy


    Q: WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
    A: sleeping
    Q: WHATS THE LAST 2 TEXT MESSAGES ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY AND WHO ARE THEY FROM?
    A: n/a
    Q: NAME 2 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES?
    A: my glasses and my keys
    Q: WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
    A: purple
    Q: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF THE CHICKEN?
    A: the leg??
    Q: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
    A: not since 21 January
    Q: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR DAD?
    A: same
    Q: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO THEM?
    A: yesterday
    Q: WHO GOT YOU TO JOIN MYSPACE?
    A: Myspace is stupid. It's for high school kids
    Q: WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?
    A: baked ziti, bruscetta (s/p), and angel food cake. It was delicious
    Q: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
    A: my work study, since Sept.
    Q: LOOK TO YOUR LEFT. WHAT'S THERE?
    A: my TV
    Q: WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM SOMEONE?
    A: I "borrowed" by sister's underwear when I ran out
    Q: WHAT WEBSITE(S) DO YOU VISIT THE MOST DURING THE DAY?
    A: LJ
    Q: DO YOU HAVE PLANTS IN YOUR ROOM?
    A: no
    Q: DOES ANYTHING HURT ON YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW?
    A: back, head, stomach
    Q: WHAT CITY WAS YOUR LAST TAXI CAB RIDE IN?
    A: Lowell...LoL
    Q: DO YOU OWN A PICTURE PHONE?
    A: no
    Q: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE STARBUCKS DRINK?
    A: White Chocolate Mocha or Caramel Latte.
    Q: RECENT TIME YOU WERE REALLY UPSET?
    A: today, 2 PM


  15. calling for the future

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/05/2006 09:06 PM

    In less that two weeks (12 days), I will be home on spring break. I am very excited because I'm definitely getting sick of this place. It's not that I don't like it here, but sometimes you just need to get away in order to appreciate it more. I think this is my problem because I'm in a rut: it's from doing too much homework and not getting enough appreciation for it.

    Mary might be coming to visit me. Her spring break is next week, and since we won't be able to hang out together at home, I asked her to come visit me here. I figured that it'd be better than me going there again...that was a scary experience. I just hope that it can be in the beginning of the week because I have two essays and a mid-term at the end. It will just be nice to see her, though I don't know how much she'll like Smith. Hopefully the weather will warm up and we'll be able to go around town. Otherwise, the place is kind of dull!

    PS. Friday it's supposed to be 55*!!! YAY!

    I decided that it's worthless to take math and science. I don't care about Latin honors because I won't get it, and I'd rather take classes that I want to take. If somehow miraculously, I find out that I have good enough grades to get Latin Honors, then I'll take a math and science my senior year. No big deal. Plus, I heard that the distribution is a sham by Smith to get us all to get quantitative skills. Well, no dice. This is a small liberal arts college, not some big research university. Screw Smith.
  16. I guess I'm just not in the mood to talk to other people today. Certain individuals have been bothering me, and the only way that I can react is by ignoring them. Sometimes I just don't understand how other people can seem to "have it all" while I have to struggle just to be average. There's this one girl who I guess I'm friends with, but she just makes me feel like I'm worthless. She doesn't do any of her reading for classes and slacks off all weekend, but then she gets amazing grades. To me, that's just not fair because I have done all of my reading and have had numerous amounts of mental breakdowns (most small, one big one) in the course of only 4 weeks, yet I still cannot seem to get grades higher than Bs. I know that I'm risking my health by doing this (especially now that I have an ulcer), but if I don't work this hard, I'm afraid that my grades will be even worse. I can live with Bs, but I cannot live with Cs. I also know that I'm not supposed to care about what other people are doing, but this girl is always saying about how wonderful her writing is (about how she just won an award for an essay she submitted last semester), and I have to pretend to be happy for her...but I'm not. Everything she does makes me feel useless. I don't even want to talk to her, but it's almost impossible to ignore her when we live in the same house together and are "friends."

    Sometimes all I want to do is cry and sleep. I can't even do that without worrying about losing time to do homework.

  17. blah!

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/02/2006 02:52 PM

    I think I have an ulcer because I always have a stomachache, and I have been stressing myself out a lot this semester. Plus, last night I took an aspirin, and it really hurt my stomach. So I don't know what I want to do about it because I'm sure that it's not too serious, but if it gets worse, I might have to go to the doctor's.

    Tomorrow I find out about Gold Key. I'm really nervous...more nervous than I should be. I'm sure that I didn't get in because it was way too competitive, and I'm trying to prepare myself for it. But at the same time, I don't think that I'm going to be able to handle it. I'm not good with rejection, which is why I usually don't do this kind of stuff. So now I'm not sure when I should get my mail (because I have to check it!). Maybe I should just check in the morning, and then I'll be upset for the rest of the day, but I guess I'll manage. I have my oral presentation in Spanish, so I can't check before then because then I won't be in the right state of mind to do my presentation. And I know that I'll be too nervous to wait until 2.

    Ugh...sometimes I hate doing this to myself.

  18. what a relief

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/03/2006 05:45 PM

    Okay, so I didn't get in. And I guess I'm a little upset about it, but I'm pretty much fine with it. I'm not even that disappointed. So I'm really proud of myself because this is the first time that I did something that I kind of knew I wouldn't get into, and I didn't freak out about it. I just read the letter and threw it out. There are plenty of better opportunities out there, like being a HONS or SAA, which requires a more personal connection with new students. Hopefully I'll get a position there. There are 4 openings, and since I don't care which one I get, I think my chances are very good. Plus, if I don't get in, I'll apply for a job as a senator or class rep.

    And everyone's saying how I should reapply next year, but I don't think I'm going to. I'll just be really bitter about it, and be like, "Well, you didn't let me in last year", which isn't cool.

    Is it wrong to actually be happy about this? I know that I'm a little upset, but overall I don't feel that bad about it. I guess it's good then. And now I'll be able to sleep in on Sunday.

    I have my oral presentation in a half hour. ugh. It's only three minutes, and I made a nice poster. Plus, I'm rather confident about what I'm presenting on, but I get really nervous and I'm afraid I'll black out on stuff. Umm...my Spanish sucks too, which isn't very helpful.

    I think from now on, I'm going to keep everything anonymous. Like, I guess I'm fine being a mediocre student here. It's not like this is an easy school, and being average actually isn't average, right?? But I hate being around people who seem perfect all the time. I think I should just give myself a break. Tonight I'm just doing History reading (which I enjoy, so it's not that bad) and then the stupid post for Women's Studies.

    Ciao!
    -Rachel

  19. sick

    · Ms. Walsh · 03/01/2006 03:24 PM

    I have another cold. Isn't that horrible? I just had a cold two weeks ago, and now I have another one.

    I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. It was weird. Usually I'm a really heavy sleeper, but last night I kept waking up. I did get up at 8.45, which is like the earliest I've gotten up in weeks. I also did a decent amount of homework last night too, so I'm very proud of myself. I finished my problem set for Econ, and I'm rather confident about it. If I get anything lower than an 85, I'll be very upset. I also did my oral presentation for Spanish, so now all I have to do is practice it tomorrow. Then I did History reading in the evening. I did about 40 pages of reading for it.

    Tonight I have to do a Spanish composition and read for Women's Studies, and then maybe do some History reading. I have only 40 pages left of the book, and it isn't due until Tuesday, but we have another assignment (AND THE ESSAY!!!) that are due soon, so I'd rather get the book out of the way.

    Ciao!

    PS.
    I was actually good today in WS and Spanish. I participated mucho, and now I'm very feliz sobre mi situacion. See, I'm trying to get into a Spanish moda porque tengo que escribir una composicion para mi clase.

    My cold is...well, it's here. If it gets worse I'm going to health services to get antibiotics because this is my 2nd cold in two weeks! And I refuse to take a lot of meds because they didn't work last time. I might just have a sinus infection now, so if it progresses I'll have to do something.

    And I'm officially broke. I spent almost all of my dinero buying OJ, diet ginger ale, and other essentials (aka cereal and nachos and salsa). Mi vida esta muy triste.

  20. last day of February

    · Ms. Walsh · 02/28/2006 05:19 PM

    I need to start focusing on work more because the next two weeks are going to be quite hectic. I have two papers, one paper proposal, and a mid-term all before spring break--not to mention insane amounts of other homework to complete. I hope I can survive in time for spring break. I'm too sure about that though.

    Today my History prof had an examination thing in class to get her tenure, so all these old men from the History dept. showed up and observed our class. I found it to be really odd. I mean, this is an all-female school, and the heads of the History deparment are all men. It's so ironic, especially since this was a Women's History class that they were observing. I guess it gives me the encouragement to continue with my History major. Though I'll probably have to take classes with these profs in the near-future. One day I'll be the head of the History Department of Smith College...and when that day happens, you know the college will be in trouble!

    As for the Spanish major, well...we'll see. I'm so conflicted about it because I love Spanish, but I'm not good at it! It discourages me so much. But then I think about how if I just continue taking classes and go abroad for a semester that I'll definitely get better...I'm not too confident about that though.

    Ugh...I need to start speaking up in my classes; otherwise, I'm bound to flunk big time! I have my oral presentation on Friday about the coup d'etat in Uruguay. It's only 3 minutes, but I'm so scared.

    Also, I might have the flu. I've been trying to eat more fiber (and this has nothing to do with the flu-thing) because my mom had some colon problems last month, and since now colon cancer, breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, and leukemia all run in my family, I'm uber-paranoid that I'm going to die from one of those. I think colon cancer is the most serious because my grandfather died from it when he was really young, while the others were older.

    Anyway, I'm also drinking OJ, but I also started drinking diet Coke again. I know...very bad. I've just been depressed after classes, and it makes me feel better. It's not like I'm on heroin or something. Plus, I think I like diet Coke because of the taste (which frankly is not that great), and not because of the caffeine.

  21. study break

    · Ms. Walsh · 02/26/2006 10:42 PM

    It is 18* here, not to mention the wind which makes it feel like -40*.

    I've been really good about my homework. All I have to do tonight is read, read, read, read, read, read.

    Okay, what I don't understand is like if I say that I have a Spanish essay, isn't it implied that the essay is in Spanish?? I told someone that I was working on my Spanish essay, and then she looked at it, and was like, "Oh, it's in Spanish!" Hello!?!?! Why wouldn't it be in Spanish?? I mean, if it were an Intro. class and we have an essay in English, that's one thing. But I'm not in an Intro. class. We read short stories, poems, and essays in Spanish. How would I be learning Spanish if I weren't writing it?? Some people...

    We had a birthday party yesterday, and now I have tonight at 7. So I didn't go to dinner. Plus, I'm kind of getting sick of these people. Oh well...

    Last night I went to bed at 11.30 and didn't wake up until 10.30...nice job! I must be the laziest person in the world.

    I can't believe that the semester is about 1/3rd done! That's insane! Spring break is 3 weeks away, and since I'm going to be uber-busy until then, it should fly by.

  22. discovering new places

    · Ms. Walsh · 02/24/2006 07:50 PM

    I had my interview. I think it was decent, but who knows? A lot of people applied for the position, and even if I did amazingly well, I still might not get it. If I don't, I'll just try again next year, right? I hope that I get it because then I can be cool and show people around our lovely campus and persuade people to apply here. Wouldn't that be great?? I don't find out until the 3rd about whether I got in or not.

    I picked up a sheet at the Registrar's Office to declare my majors, but I read it and it was like, "Smith discourages people from double majoring" blah blah blah, but I guess it doesn't matter. I think that they're concerned about us not taking enough different classes, but I think that History and Spanish are two majors that are very flexible. Like, with the Spanish major you can take Portuguese, which I intend to do. And you can take two classes outside of the department, like an LAS course or something. Or maybe Spanish Art or something like that. And History's similar because I can take classes in the American Studies department, and I heard that you watch porn in one of the AMS classes. Very intriguing... Plus, screw Smith. Who the hell are they to "discourage" people from double-majoring? Hello, they [!@#$%^&*] offer the double-major! If they really were against it, then they wouldn't! DUH! Plus, they were like, "It doesn't help in applying to grad. schools." Well, if I apply to grad schools it'd be for History, not for Spanish. I like to have the Spanish as a basis for my History major because, even though I'm an American history major and most documents are in English, Spanish is a growing language in this country. If I were to live in a big city (which I do intend to), my Spanish proficiency will be helpful with my studies and/or job. It's not like I have two useless majors like History and Engish, or History and Philosophy. You know?? I think that History and Spanish are distinct enough to be able to double major in them, but at the same time there are a lot of similarities between the fields. Plus, when all is said and done, I love History and I love Spanish (even if I suck at it), and fiddle-dee-dee to them.

    Anyway, I recently discovered the 3rd floor of the library. I guess I shouldn't have slept through orientation in September, but now I've found it and it's going to be my favourite place to study. Right now I'm inthe periodicals room, which is quite fab I must say. I'm supposed to be doing my WS on abortion, but it shall wait until 2.45. The reading's not that heavy. Well, abortion is a heavy topic, but it's not that LONG, the reading.

    Then after work (which shall be beat because they're serving Italian food tonight...yum yum), I'm coming back to do my dreaded Spanish paper over again. BLAH!!! Entonces, tengo que hacer mas tarea de espanol porque tengo una presentacion oral este viernes (en una semana exactimente). Es sobre Uruguay porque estamos leyendo un cuento de un autor de Uruguay (no recuerdo su nombre), y mi presentacion es sobre la revolucion y el golpe de estado en el pais durante los 70.

    Lo siento. Estoy mas perezosa y no pongo acentos apropriados en mis palabras. Tengo un Apple (la computadora) y es muy bueno (mas mejor que PCs), pero no es bueno con otras lenguas porque poner acentos es muy complicado. No se por que. Espero que no haya un problema en el futuro porque tendre MUCHOS ensayos y composiciones en los segundos anos.

    See, my Spanish is bad to the bone. Hopefully a semester in Espana will improve it. If you didn't understand what I said, don't worry...it was stupid.

    Well, ciao.

    EDIT!

    Okay, I'm really nervous about this whole GK thing. Like, what if I don't get in??? I've heard way too many rejection stories to be content with the possibility. I mean...it's not the end of the world, but it's just making me sick thinking about getting rejected. I need to stop worrying about [!@#$%^&*] like this. If I don't get in, fine. It's not because I wasn't qualified to be a member...it's probably just because I'm a first-year and it's really competitive.

    Plus, I skipped Spanish to go to the interview and all afternoon I saw people from the class. I saw 3 while I was working, and one person said Hi to me!!

  23. declaring my majors!!

    · Ms. Walsh · 02/24/2006 03:37 PM

    Next week I'm declaring my majors (History/Spanish). I know that I still have another year, but if it's official then I can take the time to calculate what classes to take.

    And my History professor agreed to be my advisor for that major. Actually, she suggested being my advisor, and who am I to protest?? She's going on sabbatical next year, but since (hopefully) she'll be back for my last two years I don't think it will be a big problem, especially since she'll e-mail me and I do have another advisor in the Spanish dept. Now I have to talk to my pre-major advisor, and hopefully she'll agree to be my Spanish advisor. If not, I won't declare the Spanish major until next year.

    The Spanish major seems easy to obtain. I have to take 244 (next semester), and two of the 250/251/260/261 combo (spring semester and fall junior semester), and then, of course, I am going JYA in the spring junior year. Also, I'm taking 2 or 3 Portuguese courses. And then senior year I have to take two 300 level classes (one first semester and one second), so it's not that bad. I'll probably get more than the major requires since I'm going JYA.

    As for History, I have to take 11 courses, 5 w/in the concentration (one as a seminar senior year.) So if I take 2 History classes (1 Am and 1 not) (one will be at Amherst or Hampshire, the other will probably be in the American Studies dept), and then one spring semester, and one junior fall semester. Also, I have to take one class that's not European or American History for the geography requirement.

    Well, I have to get to Women's Studies. Then I have my interview!!!! I'm so nervous!! After it, though, I'm going to the library to do homework until work.

    Ciao!

  24. bad days

    · Ms. Walsh · 02/23/2006 11:04 PM

    So, I was supposed to go for my interview. I got all ready for it. I even blow-dryed my hair, which I never do. I went to the admissions office, and nobody was there!! I was so upset! I messed up the place! I was so disappointed that I cried, and pretty much my whole night was ruined. I couldn't even go to sleep easily because my stomach hurt so much.

    This week has just been horrible. It got off so BADLY!, and it looks like it's going to end that way.

    I e-mailed the interview people, though, and they were nice enough to give me another interview. I have to skip Espanol class to go to it, but I figure that I didn't want to bother them enough. Plus, Spanish is 50 minutes, and we're only going to review a stupid poem we had to read several moons ago. Granted, I'm not going to get in now. I really thought that I had a good chance of getting in, but now they're going to see that I'm unreliable and can't be trusted with prospective students. I'll probably turn them away from the college and they'll never even bother applying! A bad guide does that, and I'm bound to be a bad guide if I can't even bother to read the sign-up sheet correctly! But I really want this job, and this is probably the first time that I've wanted something and tried to get it. Usually I'm unmotivated, but this time I wasn't. And guess what happened?? It backfired on me...miserably! This new interview is just a front...it's only going to make me feel good temporarily because, no matter how well I do on it, they're still going to think I can't be trusted with this responsibility! I could be perfect at the interview, and I still won't get in. Why even bother trying??

    Sometimes I wonder about myself. Like with being a History/Spanish double major. It's like...I'm not even that good at Spanish. My oral skills suck and just recently I realized that my writing and reading suck too. Non-majors do a million times better than I do. I don't understand it! But then I think about why I decided to be a major, and I guess it's because I like it and I shouldn't care about the grades. But it's the same with History. I say I love History and my History classes are always my favourites, but then I get the lowest grades in them. It doesn't make sense. It's like I'm not good at anything!

    I'm supposed to talk to my History professor, but there are too many people waiting. I just don't care, and I have to go work in a half-hour.

    Whatever.

  25. rally day!!

    · Ms. Walsh · 02/22/2006 08:12 PM

    Today is Rally Day. Don't ask me what it is. It's just another one of the stupid holidays here. Since we're a private college, they don't have to give us federal holidays off (and they DON'T here!!). So in substitution for the federal holidays, we get these weird holidays off.

    Like instead of Labor Day, we get Mountain Day which is a day where the president of the college wakes up and annouces some random day off. It just has to be nice out and autumn. And instead of Veteran's Day, we get Otella Cromwell Day, in honor of the first African-American graduate of the college. Rally Day is the sub. for President's Day.

    So right now I'm at the SSC doing "research". I chose one of the oral histories because hardly anyone's written about them, so they're not well-known. It's weird, though, because I don't like to do papers on people who aren't dead. Like, what if they read this or something?? And then they'll say it's absolute [!@#$%^&*]! Maybe I should change it to Margaret Sanger...but I really like having videos to watch since the reading can be two-dimensional.

    This morning, I woke up at 9.30 and went to the mall to buy ink for my printer (which works, thank god). Then I trekked to Amherst to go to Newbury Comics. I bought two DVDs and a CD (and spent the rest of my gift cards ), and then went to Starbucks and got a coffee...and now I'm so sick.

    I'm so nervous though. I have my Gold Key interview this evening, and I can't handle it!!!! What if I don't get it??? I know I got a connection in, but still...what if I blow my interview??!!!??? I guess it would be for the best. GK is a big responsibility and a bad guide can make people not apply here.

    OH, and my CD player STILL doesn't work!! At least I got my printer and word processor set up, but still... :( !!! I just sent it in!! I'm going to wait until spring break, though, to return it because I really do need my laptop for school right now.

    I also need to save up some money for spring break because we're going to Boston and NYC. It's going to cost about $40 for the bus trip to NYC, and $12 for the train ticket to Boston, and then I'll have to have spending money, so maybe $100-$150??

    And I'm getting my period!! UGH! I need to try to stay positive though...I need to do well on this interview!

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