I wrote a long entry in my LJ, so I'm just copying and pasting it here...w/ minor changes to make it fit to this blog:
Sorry that I haven't updated in a week. Last week was just awful. I'm trying to get over it, but it seems impossible. This week is bound to go by too quickly: I can't believe it's already Tuesday.
Anyway, I'm not as depressed as I was last week, but I still am because I'm so worried about my classes. I'm sure that I did awfully on all of the stuff that was due last week. I was too stressed out and couldn't concentrate on everything. I know I did bad...on everything! I just know it!! I had a dream last night that I got a B+ on my History essay and everyone else got bad grades, so that's definitely a bad omen. I probably got a C or D on it. I hate what I'm doing to myself. I know that I shouldn't bother with grades because they make me want to pull my hair out, but I still get so upset about them. Why can't I just get over this? It's only my first year. I'm sure that next year will be better, and I've decided to go abroad so that junior year will be lots of fun and not as stressful. When I'm abroad, I'm not even giving a damn about homework. I'm going to apply to Spain and Mexico because Smith has programs there, but I might also apply to programs in Venezuela, Chile, and Argentina too.
I really need to reevaluate my situation. I feel like I'm not in control of my life anymore, and it's so scary. I just need to live life day by day and not let things as stupid as grades upset me. Why can't I be like normal people and just be happy to pass?? Seriously...I need to start thinking like that because, otherwise, I'll just kill myself with stress and worry. A degree is a degree. Who cares if I get a 4.0 or a 2.5 GPA?? It doesn't matter anyway because I'm not bothering to try to get Latin Honors. People just need to stop talking about grades in front of me. Honestly, I don't give a !@#$%^&*] about how well other people are doing in school.
High school might have been a pretty difficult experience, but at least I didn't screw myself over about school work. I just screwed myself over about everything else in my life. Why can't my life just be simple?? It's all downhill from here. I can't even think about the future...I can't even think about how I'm going to survive next week.
I think I'm going to the movie today and tomorrow. Sunday night I saw Capote, and today I'm going to see Brokeback Mountain at 3.20 and then tomorrow I might see Transamerica at 4.30. All the other movies out look so craptastic.