Okay. So Aunt Emma bought me this thing when I was like ten. Some crusty old notebook that she intended for me to use to "express my innermost thoughts and feelings". Chicks have diaries. But I guess men have journals. I don't know. I never understood that.

So enough about my dysfunctional family and my need to write in a journal. Here's my predicament.

Katie being the free spirit that she is has grown attached to my little brother, Jack. I can't help but feel pity for the poor girl. She got dumped by that Aussie (what's his name again? Sam?). Then she married Carly's ex-hunk 'o meat, Oakdale's resident carpenting guru, Mike Kasnoff. Both ended in disaster. And I'm not even bringing up that sham of a marriage to Henry. That dude's a few fries short of a happy meal. He's better off with that Vienna chick. Although, I do kinda wonder if he's man enough to handle her in the bedroom. She was quite the tigress with me.

Anyways, so Carly winds up gettin' all attached to the Aussie (maybe his name's Steve?). They both thought it'd be funny to rob the Prince of WhateverLand of his precious crown jewels. Turns out the man didn't like that too much. So Simon and Carly make a break for it. My idiot brother gets all soft and lets 'em go.

Only problem is...she left her kids. And I may not be the greatest guy in the world, but when my little niece Sage comes up and asks her Uncle Brad why her mom left..that's just not right.

Okay. So, get this. About a week ago, Carly pops up out of nowhere. Wants to see the kids. Jack isn't too thrilled with the idea. And I don't blame him.

However, I think we all know what this means. Let's face it. Jack and Carly are the next Ricky and Lucy, the next Fred and Wilma, the next Bo and Hope. (So what? I watch soaps. What's the big deal? My lunch break used to get kinda boring and the only thing ever on was Days Of Our Lives.)

So no doubt that Jack is gonna tuck his tail between his legs and let Carly woo him back into marriage. They're gonna be all happy again and everyone's gonna forget about her cross country road trip with that damn Aussie whose name I can't remember. And there's little old Katie. Convinced that she's gonna be the next Mrs. Jack Snyder.

Well, she's got another thing comin' to her. And what does she do when I try to bring her down a few notches back to reality? She accuses me of wanting to sabatoge that little thing that she's got goin' with my little brother.

Whatever. That little girl wouldn't know love if it fell on her front door step.

I tell ya one thing, though. After working with her on our show, I kinda see why men dig her so much. She might not be as smart as they come, but she's sure got the looks to make up for it! And if she's so deadset on joining the Snyder family, I'm pretty sure I could clear my schedule!!