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Confessions Of a Strained Relationship

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Ryan

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Maybe it could be the fact that I have a mild hangover, but I've been thinking about my father alot today. He and I don't have a great relationship and haven't had one for years. A friend of mine heard a song called "Confessions of a Broken Heart" by Lindsay Lohan and sent it to me. I could totally connect with the words. Anyways, I thought I'd post the lyrics to the song (which were edited to reflect me being the son)

Confessions of a Broken Heart

I wait for the postman to bring me a letter

I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better

And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders

A family in crisis that only grows older...

Why’d you have to go?

Why’d you have to go?

Why’d you have to go?

Son to father, Son to father

I am broken, but I am hoping

Son to father, Son to father

I am crying, a part of me is dying and

These are, these are

The confessions of a broken heart

I wear all your old clothes your polo sweater

I dream of another you the one who would never (never)

Leave me alone to pick up the pieces

A daddy to hold me, that’s what I needed

(So) why’d you have to go?

Why’d you have to go?

Why’d you have to go?

Son to father, Son to father

I don’t know you, but I still want to

Son to father, Son to father

Tell me the truth, did u ever love me?

Cause these are, these are

The confessions of a broken heart

I love you

I loved you

I love you

I........

I loved you!

Son to father, Son to father

I don’t know you, but I still want to

Son to father, Son to father

Tell me the truth...

Did you ever love me?

Did you ever love me?!!

These are....

The confessions of a broken heart

Ohh...yeah

I wait for the postman...to bring a me a letter

I'm sure there are many people who can relate to this song on many levels. Sure my father isn't in prison/jail, but he's still not here with me, and though I choose not to have a close personal relationship with him, I still wish things could be different. He chose his then girlfriend (now wife) and her children over me many times when I lived with him, he has no one to blame for alienating me but himself. He wasn't the same father who I knew growing up, and I blame him for that. He missed a lot becauses of his stupidity. My first touchdown in high school, my first drama production, my sophmore formal, junior and senior prom, and my graduation (though he was invited, but I didn't want him to bring his wife, he refused to come w/o her so I told him that's his loss.) and so many other things. So I feel bad about not reaching out more? Not really. I don't know him anymore. I am tired of reaching out and getting nothing in return. Maybe I should record my own version of this with my band and send my dad a copy.

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I totally relate to this song on many ways. My dad is definitely not a saint. He just...he doesn't like responsibility. I mean, how was I supposed to feel when he told on Christmas night that he actually thought about putting me up for adoption?! Then, as time went on, he told me stories about how he hated paying child support, and decided to go to court so he wouldn't have to when I turned 18. He was never around when I needed him. He much rather hang out w/ his people and drink beer than be w/ me....he decided not to come to any of my H.S. plays b/c he ran late after leaving the bar. Then has the balls to threaten me that if I don't work at his job, he was gonna come to my house and bash my skull in?!! Now, he wants to be back on my good graces?! Uh-uh. I don't play that way. That is the gist of what it is like, but I will be making a blog of my own about it later on.

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Ryan,

I know a lot of people who dont get along with their fathers. So you are not in the minority. I just heard today at work of a man who I knew(but not personally) who died of a heart attack. Good thing he was close to his son. So if you are thinking about your dad, reach out to him. You never know when your last time to see him will be. Just a little advice.

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