Lynn Marie Latham stretched her heavy thighs out of her Mercedes as she schlepped her bags back to CBS Television City. She was a woman on the move, with things to do, storylines to hack up and actors to fire (or prop up).

As she waddled into the studio the air was thick, much like her midsection. "Stupid tradesmen" she thought to herself, "they haven't got any idea how terrible that accurate looking fake snow smells, don't they realize that you can just, like, not use snow and then have characters comment on how cold it is. Dammit why must I be the only creative one left in this business"

Her flats clicked an ominous thud as the heaviness of her cankles crushed the linoleum floor. Suddenly, she spied Don Diamont doing lunges in the hall. "Don! Baby how's it going, it's been forever" she cooed. "Lynn...er, I uh Lynn, listen, you do not want to be here, go home baby, it's not a good day."

"Nonsense!" she spluttered, "Today is a wonderful day, Me and Bernard and Vince and Marina and Lynsey are here to fix all the mistakes that the scabs did, I mean the show has just been AWFUL these last few weeks hasn't it?"

Beads of sweat glistened on Don's well defined eyebrows as he considered what to say next.

But it didn't matter as the rest of the cast emerged, already in full makeup and wardrobe. "My cast!" Lynn exclaimed! You're all here to welcome me back! And to think that those silly fans on SON didn't believe that you all loved me. Dear God! Group hug everyone!"

"No!" bellowed Jeanne Cooper, a woman of short stature but of considerable venom. "No Lynn! This is over! Pack your things and get the hell outta my studio!"

"You're studio, but Jeanne...you're quoting lines from 1998!"

"Dear God in Heaven I don't give a damn!" Jeanne hissed. "Get the hell out! Eric! Eric we need you"

Eric Braeden confidently walked through the crowd, like Moses parting the Red Sea. He stopped suddenly, slicked his thick hair back and struck a confident pose. Then, seemingly from nowhere Eric boomed "I WILL CRUSH YOU!"

"For God's sake, this cast is stuck in 1998...I wasn't even here!" she shrieked as she began to flee through the studio, a mob led by Melody Thomas Scott, in stilettos, trailing her.

As she ran she flew past each set: the Abbott mansion, Crimson Lights, the Newman Ranch, the Chancellor estate, Michael and Lauren's apartment, the Loft, the Athletic Club, the Jabot boardroom and Victor's office, among others. Memories flooded Lynn's mind...how had it all gone so wrong she wondered as her heart rate reached maximum capacity and she began to wheeze. "Damn Crispy Creme" she thought to herself ruefully, "Damn them to hell!"

At last she reached the parking lot, her Mercedes just within reach. Then, like a flash of sequined lightning, Jess Walton snatched the oversized belt clasped around Lynn's ample hips. "You Bitch!" cried Jess, "You destroyed Bill's legacy and insulted the fans, I have HAD IT with you dammit!" And with that a bitch slap was dealt like no bitch slap had ever been dealt before as Lynn slowly careened into oblivion as her corpulent body smacked the pavement....

In what could have been days later Lynn awoke in a boardroom eerily reminicent of Donald Trump's on The Apprentice. "What am I doing here?" she pleaded to the darkened faces confronting her. "You're here," uttered a sweet feminine voice, "because you insulted my husband, my sons, my daughter and myself". "Lee is that really you?" Lynn asked.

"Yes it's her!" screeched Barbara Bloom. "You know Lynn I gave you one hell of a gig. You had the number one show and you ruined it, now I'm the dumbass and you're the talentless rube. I can't deal with it Lynn, I just can't!"

"Nor can I" said a bespectacled man hidden by the shadows. "Who are YOU?" demanded Lynn, getting anxious as her polyester skirt began to tighten around her inflated posterior.

"It's Steve Kent and Lynn, I have two very simply words for you..."

And, with the flick of his wrist, Steve delivered the message that multiple fans had been dying to hear for 2 years: "You're fired!"

LMFAO! Did you write this alone? If so, not only do you have too much time on your hands, but you're really funny and creative!

You've pretty much summed up how we feel about *her* in this piece...

Now, you better watch out, she might be throwing some croissant rolls your way!

Now, you better watch out, she might be throwing some croissant rolls your way!

You guys are so bad!

Thanks for the thursday chuckle!

Yep I wrote it all by myself and I did it in 10 minutes, I'm busy, I swear!

*Preparing to duck the croissants*

Eric Braeden would never say I will crush you...

He'd say "I'll crush you LynnerieLatham" . Victor always adds the name of his enemies du jour. LOL!

Great read!

Edited February 14, 200817 yr by sheilaforever

I loved it. But wouldn't it been nice if ED, AL, ES, DS was there & said Your fired to her.

You know, the sad thing is Latham has both a Daytime Emmy and WGA Award, this probably means ABC can't wait to snatch her hack ass up and let her take over AMC or something, that would be so tragic.

Edited February 14, 200817 yr by Y&RWorldTurner