I'll (Not) Be Home For Christmas

[Shawn]

Hey guys. I posted this on my myspace blog but I feel that I know a lot of you well enough by now to post this.

Around this time every year, millions are busy with trying to find time to buy the perfect gift, trim the most beautiful tree and pace themselves to drink enough egg nog and rum to outlast even the most Irish of drinkers.

People go into debt to outdo what they gave friends and loved ones the year before. They brave hours of lines and thousands of vicious product hungry consumers just for that split second when the wrapping paper is ripped open to reveal the present to make the recipient squeal with delight, much to the chagrin of other gift givers that were outshined.

While millions are merrily discussing the similiarities between their family and the images made famous by Currier and Ives, this year I have decided to instead spend a day with me, myself and I. Away from the family holiday I have come to known as Dysfunction Junction.

There are many reasons why I have chosen a solitary path for this Yuletide celebration.

I love my family, and my family loves me, that is something I do not dispute, but we simply can't be together under one roof anymore without wanting to tear each other to shreds. Thanksgiving just last month ended in a bitter fight that marked the end of that holiday's celebration in my parents' household.

Each principal actor in the play known as the Dunphy family has major issues, myself included. In fact, collectively we have more issues than a newsstand. The problem is, no one in my family save for my twin and I, admit that they have issues to work through. They think that if they simply sweep it under the rug, it will go away. But all fires left unattended spread through the entire forest...

I know that I'm fucked up in the head, for reasons that only those closest to me know. I've come to that conclusion and I take each day one at a time. It's been a struggle but I know that help was what I needed.

Why can't others in my clan mirror my actions and just accept that its okay to be flawed?

To be completely honest, I haven't had the Christmas spirit for several years now. I think it goes back to the death of my grandmother in 2004. My grandmother was one of my best friends and I loved her very much. Every year since I could remember we spent Christmas at her house, eating dinner, drinking egg nog and sitting by the tree opening presents.. I would play with her dog while my parents sipped coffee and discussed whatever adult issues that were relevant when I was just a child. It, to me, was what Christmas was and should be.

Then cancer came and took her from us. Two weeks later, my uncle died. Another family tradition snatched from our hands without remorse by cancer's evil will.

Maybe that's why when I think of Christmas, I think of loss and hurt.

Maybe my being heartlessly laid off from work two weeks before Christmas has something to do with it as well.

Whatever reason, I just can't bring myself to want to celebrate this commercially corrupted holiday.

Bah Humbug? Maybe so. But the sooner Christmas is over with, the better.

[Soapsuds]

Sorry to hear you wont be celebrating Christmas with your family. But I do understand your reasons. I hope you can at least spend Christmas with a friend instead of all alone. Of course you always have SON to keep you company. It is open even on the holidays.

[Shawn]

I know and thats whats keeping a smile on my face

[Actor87]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Hope all gets well with you soon.

Is that last part even grammatically correct?

[Shawn]

I didn't really care about grammar when I was writing this.

[Meredith]

Shawn,

Sorry to hear about your job worries.

That sucks. No one needs that...at any time of year.

You don't have to spend Xmas with your family just because everyone else does it.

You don't have to be a Christian if you don' t want to.

You can be a different faith. You don't have to follow the crowd.

It's perfectly acceptable to be an atheist too. (see my signature)

There's freedom of religious practice here.

I'm spending my 3rd Xmas in a row away from my family. I visited them in May and August this year. They never call me anymore and I have too many spoiled rotten nieces and nephews who don't need anything anyway. My brothers and sisters all make more than I do so they can buy their own stuff and all their kids stuff. I have no kids myself and I'm tired of spending my money on someone else's all the time. I'm spending my money on my career.

You have to do what's right for you.

I loved that movie The Holiday where Cam Diaz and Kate Winslet broke up with their BFs and went to another continent for Xmas. If you have the money, going on an awesome trip can be amazing for your self-esteem. Go on a ski trip if you live near the mountains. Go to Mexico or Hawaii if you live close to them.

Do what makes you happy.

It's your life, not a dress rehearsal.

[Shawn]

Thanks for those kind words. I totally liked what you had to say.

I plan on spending my Christmas with my phone off and with my computer off. I just want to spend it in quiet reflection without any distraction. I've had a rough time lately and I just want to spend it with me, myself, and I.

[Actor87]

No, no, no, silly. I meant me. My grammar...at the last part of my reply.

[Shawn]

Oh.

Sorry. I've been slow this week.