*A parody of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet*

Characters in the Play

Rymeo-His holiness, Mr. I Know Everything, with quite a knack for being a one-note bore

Curry-His abusive father

Lady Lavery Curry-Rymeo's mother who he imagined one day as his ex-wife the Green Butterfly thus pulling an Oedipus Rymeo Complex

BenJonLio-Their kinsmen who tttttttalks like this

Ja "me me me" Bram-A Montague servingman with no brain

BalthaKane-Romeo's servingwoman

Juliaet-The woman Ryan falls in love with at first sight, besides himself

He "Holiness" ctor-Her annoying and sanctimonious father

Lady Mama Crapulet-Her mother who does nothing but bake bread for those going through divorce and lives under a rock

Nurse-Her name is Bobbie Spencer from Port Charles, NY and is a registered nurse. She just came out of the Martin attic to attend to Juliaet

Tymbalt-kinsman to the Crapulets and son of the evil Jane Cox. He might as well die now

Porn "A Man Duh" Duchio-Tymbalt's companion but also his sister and possibly a cousin to He "Holiness" ctor

Sampsonite, GregMaddenOry, Pester-all servingmen to the Crapulets just because they have to be

DimitriUs-Prince of Veronalley

Noah-The Prince's kinsman and Juliaet's true suitor

LeoCutio-The Prince's kinsman and Romeo's friend

Noah's page-The voodoo woman from Jamaica

Friar Hunter-Balthakane's ex lover (one of many)

Friar JLoHon-No comment

Apothecary-I believe his name is Garret Williams

Three or four citizens (Maria, Anita, Rosa)

Three Musicians (Cameron Diaz/Justin Timberlake/BritneySpears)

Three Watchmen (Zach, Ethan, and anyone else with a good aim)

Chorus-The Chandlers, The Cranes, The Forresters, The Carringtons, The Ewings, The Martins, The Cortlandts, The Buchanans, The Lords, The Quartermaines, The Cassadines, The Ryans, The Newmans and basically any major soap family with members who are not annoying

The Tragedy of Rymeo and Juliat

*The ProRyanLogue*

[Enter] Chorus

Two households, both alike in stupidity and infidelity

{In fair Veronalley, where we lay a scene where Ryan can never get a lay)

From ancient history break to new hypocrisy,

Where Dynamite Kiddo blood makes civil hands dirty and nasty

From forth the fatal laid-ns of these two foes

A pair of star-crossed lovers hopefully take Rymeo’s life;

Whose misadventured and hideous days at the beach overthrows

Doth with Rymeo’s death bury their parents’ strife.

The fearful passage of Rymeo and Juliaet’s coma inducing love

And the continuance of their boring parents’ rage,

Which, but two children’s end, Dddddddddumbo could naught remove,

Is now the many long hours’ traffic of our stage;

The which, if you with patient ears could possibly attend,

What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to not care to mend.

Works cited

Mowat, Werstine. Romeo and Juliet. New York. Washington Square Press. 1992. pp 3-7.

Well......it would be interesting to see Ryan in tights.