Members DevotedToAMC Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican: 1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. 2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a badguy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion. 3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. 4 The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq. 5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation. 6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay. 7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. 8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money. 9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart. 10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. 11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defensive foreign policy. 12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet. 13 The public has a right to know about Hillary' s cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business. 14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery. 15. The right to "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.) 16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant. 17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearingorange vests similar to those worn by the quail. Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08. Friends don't let friends vote Republican Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Scotty Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DevotedToAMC Posted July 5, 2006 Author Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 I am sure somebody will ask for it to be shut down (oh well!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Toups Posted July 5, 2006 Administrator Share Posted July 5, 2006 LMAO!! That was great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Scotty Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 It's a great time to be a Democrat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DevotedToAMC Posted July 5, 2006 Author Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 You got to love #13...it all comes down to a simple phrase: When all else fails, blame Clinton One of my friends has in his signature at another forum.."Don't worry about what cons think--they don't do it often" Toups I just noticed you are from Ottawa? No way! Can you get about half the nation to take us up to Canada on refuge status, pretty please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rebecca Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 Love it! I know we got a couple people that are gonna be offended. That's gonna be the most entertaining part hehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kwing42 Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 Why would anyone be offended about this? My friend sent that to me along time ago and I got a good laugh out of it. Political satire is what is fun. I love the endless jokes that can be made at the expense of both/all political parties, because there are times that they all set themselves up to be made fun of...more often than not.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chris Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 I love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members R!ck Posted July 5, 2006 Members Share Posted July 5, 2006 Here's another one 20 Ways to be a good Republican 1. You have to accuse anyone that disagrees with you of being "Un-American" 2. You have to believe that the best way to teach future adults about that awful s-e-x stuff is to pretend that it doesn't exist. 3. You have to believe that the constitution guarantees everyone except felons (but including children) the right to have a gun, but there should be no laws that check on gun purchasers to make sure they are not those felons. 4. You have to believe that everyone should only view the art that YOU like, and they shouldn't have opinions of their own. 5. You have to believe that big companies wouldn't pollute if you just took away the laws that tell them not to. 6. You have to believe that God is all-powerful and cannot make a mistake, but that he did make one by creating homosexuals. 7. You have to believe that using all the oil, cutting down all the trees, and polluting all the the waters is okay, because Jesus will be back before it's all gone. 8. You have to believe that the Government forcing of a business to meet a minimum wage is oppressing that business from creating prosperity. 9. You have to believe that the proper use of a National Park would be a huge strip-mining operation, and that people are loonies for opposing such things. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is measured by the amount of people you have stepped on to get to where you are. 11. You have to believe that the military has nothing to do with starting wars. 12. You have to believe that forcing the use of gun trigger locks so 3 year olds will stop accidentally blowing their brains out is the epitome of government oppression. 13. You have to believe that a CEO who pockets 180 MILLION dollars AFTER taxes is paying too damn much to the government. 14. You have to believe that the treatment of women back when Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison lived is the way it should be today. 15. You have to believe that consensual sex out of wedlock is a problem, but hundreds of priests molesting young boys is not. 16. You have to believe that Dan Quayle is an intelligent person who is just mis-understood. 17. You have to call Bill Clinton a Socialist, even though he has presided over the most prosperous economic period of capitalism ever. (And boy don't you hate it!) 18. You have to believe that a government leader's private life is everybody's business but an administration secretly and illegally selling US weapons to third world crazies isn't. 19. You have to believe that America can be home to any and all religions, as long as it is Christianity. 20. You have to believe that cutting taxes for the wealthiest 1% is in the best interest of the average American. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rebecca Posted July 6, 2006 Members Share Posted July 6, 2006 Quite right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kwing42 Posted July 6, 2006 Members Share Posted July 6, 2006 I like yours Rick...now that is humor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members David_Vickers Posted July 7, 2006 Members Share Posted July 7, 2006 Great posts Devoted to AMC and Rick. They are so humorous and so true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DaysFanJean Posted July 8, 2006 Members Share Posted July 8, 2006 I'm an Independent and I LOVE these, too. The current Republican trend is insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.