How is that preference NOT racist?

I had a conversation with a friend of mine about how I prefer Black men (especially dark-skinned, Morris-Chestnut-type men YUMMMMO) and simply am not attracted to white men. (I'm Black)

He thought that was racist, too (he's white), and that I was limiting myself. But I can't help who I'm attracted to. Who can? And I believe if I were to date outside of my race, that we'd have to have a lot of things in common. In my experience, I have yet to meet a white guy who shares the same experiences and beliefs that I do (and I was raised in a multicultural environment so they weren't hard to find). If I were to find one, and he was a McSteamy, I wouldn't rule him out, though.

I do think interracial relationships are different for Black heterosexual guys because I think men will want to be dominant in a relationship. It's innate. They have to win the power struggle. (excluding the wusses). And if they fall into the trap that lighter-skinned and white women are more docile, then they'll only date them.

In general, though, I think one's relationships with one's parents will shape who they date. For instance, my brother was a momma's boy, and he prefers Black girls. On the other hand, my gay friend (who's father was Black and mom is White), only dates White guys and his dad abandoned them when he was a child. I had a tough relationship with my dad and only liked lighter-skinned or white guys growing up. But when my relationship with my dad changed, so did my perception of guys (as I swoon over Tyrese Gibson...)

I'm not saying it's that cut and dry or that it's the main component. But I do think it's one good indicator.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine about how I prefer Black men (especially dark-skinned, Morris-Chestnut-type men YUMMMMO) and simply am not attracted to white men. (I'm Black)

He thought that was racist, too (he's white), and that I was limiting myself. But I can't help who I'm attracted to. Who can? And I believe if I were to date outside of my race, that we'd have to have a lot of things in common. In my experience, I have yet to meet a white guy who shares the same experiences and beliefs that I do (and I was raised in a multicultural environment so they weren't hard to find). If I were to find one, and he was a McSteamy, I wouldn't rule him out, though.

I do think interracial relationships are different for Black heterosexual guys because I think men will want to be dominant in a relationship. It's innate. They have to win the power struggle. (excluding the wusses). And if they fall into the trap that lighter-skinned and white women are more docile, then they'll only date them.

In general, though, I think one's relationships with one's parents will shape who they date. For instance, my brother was a momma's boy, and he prefers Black girls. On the other hand, my gay friend (who's father was Black and mom is White), only dates White guys and his dad abandoned them when he was a child. I had a tough relationship with my dad and only liked lighter-skinned or white guys growing up. But when my relationship with my dad changed, so did my perception of guys (as I swoon over Tyrese Gibson...)

I'm not saying it's that cut and dry or that it's the main component. But I do think it's one good indicator.

Very well said rhythmchyc. To whom someone is attracted to just is what it is. And Tyrese!!

Idris Elba

Who one chooses to date is intensely personal. Nobody is required to offer "equal access under the law" to their heart or their bed.

Excluding entire races from one's dating pool is not "preference" it's prejudice.

Excluding entire races from one's dating pool is not "preference" it's prejudice.

i see your

and raise you two

Excluding entire races from one's dating pool is not "preference" it's prejudice.

saying you will NOT date someone because of the race they are yes - not being attacted to a race you cant help.

its like blond or brunette?

older or younger?

male or female?

big or thin?

its like blond or brunette?

older or younger?

male or female?

big or thin?

Are you seriously comparing being a minority to being Blonde?

Seriously?

Edited August 22, 200817 yr by DeeeDee

Are you seriously comparing being a minority to being Blonde?

Seriously?

nowhere did i say that. yet not surpised you were able to twist it to that, lol. funny how you missed the guy or girl, fat or skinny, etc.. part...

what im saying is you cant help who you are attracted to - since thats what we are talking about.

just because you are not attracted to a certin race doesnt eman you hate that race.

just like if you are not attarcted to a man doesnt mean you hate men. opr whatever example people want to use.

nowhere did i say that.

Yes. You. Did.

You compared being a minority to being Blonde, Thin & Old.

what im saying is you cant help who you are attracted just because you are not attracted to a certin race doesnt eman you hate that race.

That is some serious self hate bullshi.t.

just like if you are not attarcted to a man doesnt mean you hate men. opr whatever example people want to use.

So being attracted to minorities is comparable to being lesbian?

Edited August 22, 200817 yr by DeeeDee

Yes. You. Did.

You compared being a minority to being Blonde, Thin & Old.

That is some serious self hate bullshi.t.

So being attracted to minorities is comparable to being lesbian?

<sigh> You just love it.

I didn't read that as self-hate. How so?

<sigh> You just love it.

I didn't read that as self-hate. How so?

Not being attracted to a person cause they're Blonde? Fine.

Not being attracted to a person cause they're Old? Fine

Not being attracted to a person they're Thin? Fine

Not being attracted to a person cause of their Race esoecially when they're the same race as you? Major Self Hate.

Not being attracted to a person cause they're Blonde? Fine.

Not being attracted to a person cause they're Old? Fine

Not being attracted to a person they're Thin? Fine

Not being attracted to a person cause of their Race esoecially when they're the same race as you? Major Self Hate.

I would think someone who was old and never dated old people and someone who was Blonde and never dated Blonde people was a marker for Major Self-Hate as well, though.

Right.

So being attracted to minorities is comparable to being lesbian?

Oh, wow. This is just a minefield. Sexual attraction is so messy and undefined. Is it entirely physical? No. Is it entirely about the other person's personality? No. It's about you and the other and the timing and place and compatibility and feromones and desire and maybe you are on a roll and clicking with the other person. Maybe you just want to be with somebody, anybody, that particular night. You thought you were straight, next day you wake up with somebody of the same sex in your bed. Impossible to quantify or qualify.

And by your measure, everybody is racist. The white woman who dates Asian men. The black lesbian settling down with her white partner. The Jewish gay guy drawn to black men. The black woman who chooses black men only. Aren't they all discriminating against other races because they made one choice (or a handful of choices over a couple of years)?

Edited August 22, 200817 yr by Cat

Right.

Yup. I know I'm right.

And by your measure, everybody is racist.

Nope.