'Idol' Runner-Up Katharine McPhee Reveals Eating Disorder

06.22.2006 6:00 AM EDT

Singer was treated for bulimia right before contest began taping, she tells magazines.

Katharine McPhee doesn't want to hide anymore. The "American Idol" runner-up comes out as a recovering bulimic in the new issues of People and Teen People, which hit newsstands Friday and June 30, respectively.

Ardent observers may have noticed that McPhee dropped three dress sizes from when she first auditioned for "American Idol," but the singer attributes the weight loss to her recovery, not her illness. Her battle with bulimia started her junior year in high school, and McPhee said her real problem was avoiding her emotions.

"Food was my crutch," McPhee told People. "It was how I dealt with emotions and uncomfortable situations. It was literally a drug."

The singer said she thinks her body-image issues started when her body changed at age 13. Before then, she said, she didn't think about food. She was a "stick" and "could eat all I wanted." Then, seemingly overnight, she had "womanly curves," which made her uncomfortable. Though she had always been athletic, taking dance classes and competing on the school swim team, she started exercising compulsively and starving herself.

"I got more and more obsessed with trying to lose weight and looking like other 14- and 15-year-olds," she told Teen People. "I think it has to do with growing up in L.A. where more people are body-conscious."

She didn't force herself to throw up until she was 17, she said, and she was able to hide the behavior for about six months, at which point she told her mom. She tried going to therapists and dieticians and then relapsed. She tried going to Food Addicts Anonymous but only lasted two weeks.

"It always starts off with a diet," she told Teen People. "The more I dieted, the more I became obsessed with food. Food was like a drug to me. It was such a miserable life."

McPhee's problem got worse when she went to college, studying musical theater at the Boston Conservatory, where her behavior was encouraged by her dorm-mates. "I definitely put on the 'freshman 20,' " she told Teen People. "We would [go out], get back to the dorm at 2 in the morning, have three slices of Little Steve's House of Pizza — which were big — and go to bed."

McPhee recognized that her behavior was self-destructive, but she thought it was the only way to succeed as a singer. She likens the purging to "putting a sledgehammer to your vocal cords." When she was rejected from 195 of 200 auditions she went to in the 18 months before "Idol," she attributed the failures to her weight, not a lack of talent. Her manager reinforced this perception, telling her, "Just lose 10 to 15 pounds, and we'll start booking stuff," she said.

"She looked beautiful but felt she wasn't camera-ready," her mother Peisha told Teen People. "It's unfortunate our society is obsessed with being so stick-thin."

But the 22-year-old finally realized she needed help. When she auditioned for "Idol," she was throwing up seven times a day, and she knew if she made the show, that couldn't continue — not if she wanted to win.

"Food — my eating disorder — was the one thing holding me back," she told People. "I mean, here I am, this singer, and it was so horrible on my vocal cords. So when I got on the show, I said, 'You know what? I can do well. Let me give myself a chance and just get a hold of this thing.' "

McPhee entered a three-month program at the Los Angeles Eating Disorder Center of California in October so she could start shooting the show in December. She did group and individual therapy six days a week and read "Intuitive Eating." She lost her fear of so-called "bad" foods by allowing herself to eat ice cream, peanut butter and mini Snickers bars (four with each meal). Now she doesn't want Snickers anymore, and she hasn't binged since two weeks before entering the program.

"I was actually addressing the issue, not trying to lose weight," McPhee told Teen People. "I was letting my body do what it naturally wanted to do, by eating normally."

While McPhee doesn't consider herself completely healed, she's thrilled at the progress she's made so far — and is hopeful that by coming forward now, she'll "encourage other people not to hide."

"I've learned to deal with my emotions differently," she told People, "to deal with them, instead of with food."

As someone who's dealt with my own weight issues, I can relate to what she went through/is going through.

I personally never dealt with either bulimia or anorexia, however, I do have a problem with weight...

Before I got sick, I weighed 140 pounds....once the doctors started putting me on three kinds of medication, my weight gradually shot up to 198 pounds...

It wasn't just the weight gain that bothered me, but family members and supposed friends making comments about it...The constant comments really hurt me; so much so that over time I just became depressed about it; along with other things.

Right now, I'm trying my hardest to lose weight, but it's very difficult for me to do.

I'm glad that Katharine came forward and shared her story....especially when there's so much talk about how people should look.

I applaud her for overcoming it and for keeping it a secret so it wouldn't influence voting. Some would have let it leak out so they could garner more sympathy votes. Good for her-it makes me like her even more .

Congrats to Kat, for overcoming this. She young, beautiful, and very strong. Kudos to Her.

And SweetNYGal33 don't let your friends/family get the best of you, do what you have to do to lose the weight.

As someone that has always been skinny and gaining 20 pounds this year I have had a taste of what chubby/overweight people go through. I dont by any means really know, but I went back and visited people from my old job and just about everyone mentioned my weight gain. Although most said I looked better all filled out, it was just people that I care about go on and on about my weight. Even in my immediate family, they have all mentioned my weight gain because they have always mentioned how jealous they were of me being so skinny but eating whatever I wanted. I weighed about 215(I am 6'5) in December/January and now I weigh 235-240 so I am just not used to having a mini stomach. The past week though I have cut out cokes/soft drinks cold turkey and have been laying out and running trying to sweat as much as possible. I have also been drinking water more than I ever have, so far I have lost 5 pounds in just one week. I am more determined to finally get to some abs, something I have never had. I guess me gaining weight like this open my eyes up and I am now eating a lot healthier.

I am so glad Kat came out with this story. She not only waited until AI was over, but she has overcome so much already. She is definitely a beautiful woman too inside and out.