Cat

Oh, Brandi, come down from your cross. People need the wood.

Giggy can have Kim's seat. Kim doesn't even have to make it out of the dressing room toilet. A security cam could pick up any relevant warblings she might have and pipe them into the studio at specific intervals. "Werebabies... That's UNCALLED for, KEN!... I was in 'Escape to Witch Mountain,' you know... Kingsley! KINGSLEY!... I'm a stallion. RIIIII!"

Better yet, she can have a pole off to the side and just do this while everybody else tries to blame Lisa for world suffering:

I can't believe how close Barbara was coming to implying that Dylan had an agenda and made it all up! I hope the media nails her ass to the wall for this. She's always been the most hypocritical brown-noser whilst trying to play benevolent peacekeeper/voice of 'reason.'

Naw, I think Carlton's on her way out, so she'll be at the end of the sofa, one ass-cheek clinging precariously to her seat, the other off. I think it'll be Yolanda-Joyce-Lisa-ANDY-Kyle-Brandi-Kim-Carlton. Kyle flew to NYC this weekend to spend Superbowl weekend partying with Andy (and be photographed doing it). She's been laying on thick her 'religious beliefs' all season. She has always sat by him in Reunions past, and this season she got the center shot in the opening credits. Kyle is not going anywhere from this franchise, and she certainly isn't giving up the catbird seat to Brandi! I also don't think Brandi and Yolanda are going to want to sit next to each other. And Kim thinks she's relevant in the Let's Get Lisa game, so she'll want to be on the side of Team Victim. Joyce is the buffer between Yol and Lisa.

Unless that psychic turns out to be Alison Dubois and her e-ciggie (co-starring Camille Grammer and the morally corrupt Faye Resnick), I don't want to hear jackshit from Kyle about her budget suggestions for entertaining, lol. I loved the table settings too GB. Especially those deep red, lush roses. The view, the candlelight, the impromptu Kevin skinny dip -- it looked like a perfect dinner party (apart from the witchy stuff).

This jpeg is going to haunt me in my dreams.

Finally, a bit of glamour on RHoBH! And surprise, surprise, it's courtesy of Lisa and Villa Rosa. Kyle tried to turn the party into a Chuck E Cheese fest but luckily Lisa and Kevin put paid to that nonsense! Kyle is such a two-faced BITCH. Onscreen she appears involved in the planning of this birthday party and giggling with Lisa, but in the VT, she is moaning about how nobody likes her psychic idea and who cares if I even show up on time? She is bending over backwards to make Lisa look bossy and awful, but she just ends up looking spiteful. And the look of jealousy she gave Villa Rosa as she and Mauricio walked in -- even as she kept repeating "This place is amazing" -- was something to behold. I wish somebody had screencapped it. The anti-semitic remark to Carlton was also opportunistic and underhanded, even though Carlton was ridiculous for even starting that crap at the party. Carlton needs to GO. She is trying so hard to invent this big rivalry to keep herself relevant and it is falling flat. BTW, is wiccan a hard-and-fast religion? It is a belief system to an extent, or a lifestyle, sure, but should Carlton be fronting like it's on the same level as Judaism? I don't know. Somebody educate me. Lisa's walk-in boudoir. Le sigh. Her housekeeper, however, looks totally over the workload. Ken is in every single way. Not just for the way he held Lisa's hands and salivated over her Dolce & Gabbana dress, but also for the way he dressed Giggy, hiding the alopecia on his body away from the cameras. That was the sweetest thing. Kevin and Jax in the swimming pool. Somebody's wet dream came true! This Scheana chick has no business throwing shade Brandi's way after she porked her husband. I mean, Brandi is working my last nerve (her new editor OTOH is making my life and totally right about the cover of the book!) but still. The waitstaff need to know their place! I have nothing to say about Boyce pretending to mispronounce "flippanty," or Kim warbling about butterfly tatoos. Two other irrelevants who should leave. BTW, RHoM's Joanna is lobbying HARD to come on BH. I can't believe this boring ho is first in line to come over to BH -- can't we have Lea, too?!

So do I, and I hated Jill. Like she was TOXIC for the show and I wanted her off. I prefer the show last season but wouldn't have minded Jill as a Friend of. She wants to be a HW again so badly! BTW, does anybody remember the Season 2 tennis match between Ramona & Mario vs Jill & Simon? ROTFLMAO!

Jill Zarin is butting into the Ramona/Mario divorce. Because of course. http://www.realitytea.com/2014/01/30/jill-zarin-speaks-out-about-ramona-singers-divorce-plus-ramona-pretended-their-marriage-was-perfect-for-years/ She says she "confronted" Mario about the rumors at a party in December and they engaged in a screaming match. In the words of RealityTea: "Please tell me RHONY cameras caught this!"

The more I think about it, the more Yolanda comes across as shady, supporting her BFF Brandi on the show and then throwing her under the bus later. Meanwhile, she disses Lisa in her latest blog, calling her a phony friend. If she cannot understand a work commitment taking precedence over painting tiny mosiacs for Gigi's dorm room, well.... Did anybody notice at Carlton's fourth of July stripperthon, the ladies asked some dehydrated pole dancer to twerk, and behind them Ken covered Giggy's eyes? LOL

Thanks. Yolanda can be quite ruthless in that measured Dutch way of hers! I can't blame her for being honest, that is probably exactly how the "friendships" are on this show. However, she was setting herself up for Brandi to play the victim and have a Twitter meltdown. Maybe she is distancing herself from Brandi having watched the season thus far. I guess if Brandi really did consider Yolanda a real friend and she said that, it must hurt. ETA: I just realized -- it must be due to Brandi yapping Joanna Krupka's ladyparts and saying it was Mohammed/Yolanda who told her. I'm sure Yol was thrilled about that classy mess.

RHoBH: Vanderpump Rules overtook RHoBH in the 18-49 demo last night. Carlton was ok this episode. First of all, that party looked fun and her backyard was amazing. Secondly, I loved her with her kids. Thirdly, I can see why Kyle annoys Carlton. The "Jewish star" comment was so dumb -- as usual, Kyle is a comedic legend in her own mind. If you are Jewish and have difficulties telling apart the 5-pointed pentagram with the 6-sided (or two triangles overlapping) star of David, then you need to get back in touch with your faith. Then Kyle pretends to take offense at Carlton's "Are you fuckin kidding me?" Gawd. This bitch. LOL at Kyle quickly backtracking and giving Carlton her pendant in order to buy her friendship make amends. Kyle cannot bear not being beloved by absolutely everybody. Beloved and the center of attention. Kim meeting her fans was nice but bittersweet. This is why parents who try to turn their children into child stars need their head examined. Only the strongest survive the fallout when their careers begin to wane. Like Kyle. Kyle lucked out with her marriage and that must have helped. But when you are used to the adulation and buzz of being on a soundstage or onscreen -- and then that stops? That's like going cold turkey in a serious addiction. No wonder Kim has struggled. It's why Lindsey Lohan still struggles. She is addicted to the limelight as much as to the booze and coke. Lisa not attending Yolanda's painting party -- sigh. Yes, she should have made the effort, but she's probably pulling triple duty with Vanderpump Rules and getting that WeHo bar up and running. I also think Lisa is slowly trying to transition away from RHoBH. JMO. Which means I guess I should start watching Vanderpump Rules? I'm a little afraid to. Yolanda's home looks as stunning as ever, and her daughter Gigi looks amazeballs in that Guess campaign. Seriously, she is the first model you see in that picture. She has something special about her, something a bit 90s -- I think she's got a future in modelling but hope she finishes college doing something she actually likes. I have nothing to say about Carlton "hexing" Boyce. So Boyce's tubby hubby has tummy troubles and it's all the witch's fault? LOL, yeah whatever. The best scenes of the show involved Kyle at Days of our Lives. This is the first time I have seen a show not treat the Daytime soaps with derision. Instead, Days was shown as the hard-working TV institution it is and a real job for Kyle. I liked that Deidre Hall came over to wish her luck. The way Kyle was talking about Marlena getting thrown off a balcony and possessed and kidnapped makes me think Kyle watches or used to watch Days. Overall, I liked seeing Kyle in normal, professional mode behind-the-scenes at one of my favorite shows and not mugging for the camera. P.S.: What happened on WWHL and what did Yolanda say to piss Brandi/Lisa off?

Did Kenya get up to talk to Natalie? Ask her to explain herself? Sure. Did she run at her like a bull at a matador? No way. Even I remember that from Sunday's episode. I don't think Kenya is the end-all and be-all of the show, but I do think that people blaming her for the fight is not right. Apollo needs to be blamed for going completely apeshit on a guy he barely knows.

Thanks! I wasn't sure as I only watched the episode once and couldn't remember. I suspect Kenya got up because Christopher was standing up, and Cheap's gif shows her walking towards Natalie normally, not running or charging her. I wish Bravo was showing an uncut Pillow Party episode this Sunday!

I was convinced RHoA would gain big in the ratings with people channel surfing away from the Grammys. MInd you -- Sunday is the toughest TV night even without award shows. Re: Ramona & Mario: I'm surprised and not surprised. Not surprised he has a long-time mistress, surprised that Ramona didn't carry on until the bitter end that their's was the happiest, most fulfilled marriage on earth. TBH, I thought they came across as pretty well-suited and happy in their scenes together. They were always a united front. But BTS it was clearly a different story. Has Bravo quit filming? How bummed must Andy be that they can't incorporate any of this breakup on film?

Interesting rumor (but likely fan fiction): Apollo attacked Brandon because he is bad-mouthing him to Kenya. Apollo is Kenya's "African prince" lover who gave her the Rolls-Royce.

RHoA: I only watched Sunday's episode once so it has raised a lot of questions for me. Namely, why on earth did Apollo attack Brandon so viciously when the argument didn't even involve him?! Firstly, Kenya was clearly not "charging" at Natalie. She wasn't even worked up that way. Christopher got up and was talking down to her, Natalie was standing up too, so Kenya got up so she could (I assume) be eye-level with them. She was walking over to Natalie but I highly doubt it was to physically assault her -- probably to shade her. Second, Chris shouldn't have grabbed Kenya's arm -- and good for Brandon for coming to her defense -- but neither do I think that at that point he was going to get physically violent with a woman. Thirdly, Apollo came out of nowhere and just went nuts. He literally grabbed Brandon by the throat and shoved him down on his seat. Then he started pummeling him, while it looked like Papa Smurf was holding Brandon down for Apollo's benefit. However, it could be construed that Papa Smurf had been holding onto Brandon when he and Christopher went at it and here he was trying to separate Brandon and Apollo. From the camera angle we got, though, Papa Smurf looks bad and Apollo looks even worse. That was some major cowardly behavior on Apollo's part, beating up a guy who is already being held down. Apollo shoving Phaedra. Disgusting. Honestly, this guy is finished. Finished legally, finished on the show. I hope their marriage is finished. The way he has been treating Phaedra all season (and especially this episode) has been with contempt. She seems pretty over him, too (although you never know. Phaedra seems like she is all about saving appearances. Apollo may be her weak spot in the bedroom). Nene on coke. I don't know. I hope not because I thought she was smarter than that (although I wish she could spell better). Thinking about it, though, could Nene's jittery attitude be because the producers have choreographed this whole event complete with pointed questions? And she has been asked to make it work? She decides to play the role of the MC of the whole thing and is acting out this big diva I'm-the-center-of-attention thing (right down to her treatment of Kenya) and it just fell completely flat? As for Nene blaming Kenya for the whole thing -- of course she is. Of course she is never going to blame the guys! And of course she is going to want to deflect any blame from herself for having fronted this party in the first place. This is what happens when production gets too involved and wants to push the envelope with the gossip. It's one thing for these women to gossip about each other, but they are now gossiping and accusing the husbands (not that I don't doubt the truthfulness of what they are saying), and it just built to the point where the men exploded into violence. You can't bait people like that, and I lay that at Bravo's door. They've had such a great season of RHoA and I'm sure they didn't anticipate Apollo going loco, but they were pushing for a big face-off. I mean, everybody except Nene and Gregg (that we saw) got attacked in some way. The questions went after Kordell (which Porsha side-stepped), they went after Kandi & Todd (which she handled like a pro), they went after Cynthia & Papa Smurf's sex life, they went after Christopher & Natalie which is when everything went nuts. I'm sure we would have gotten shade on Phaedra & Apollo and they would gotten into Chuck & Kandi, and Kenya & her imaginary African Prince -- if the fight hadn't broken out. This whole episode dropped hints about Apollo's attitude, about Apollo's "money," it was almost like Bravo knew the episode would coincide with the announcement of Apollo's indictment. Since he was arrested in September 2013, I wonder why all this was kept quiet for four months. Were Bravo blindsided this week? Or did they know what was coming down the pipe and edited the season accordingly? I think it is the latter. Especially with Phaedra showing up on WWHL in two weeks.

It's amazing how boring she made partner-swapping/sex bondage/kissing girls/pole-dancing be!

Fell upon Dr. Terry Dubrow's Twitter today. First of all -- I forget just how funny and personable this guy is. Secondly, I have changed my mind and think Heather and Terry should transition over to RHoBH. BH really, really needs them! Thirdly, Dr. Dubrow is filming a Bravo show called Botched where he and Paul Nassif fix people's terrible plastic surgery. Apparently Terry and Paul worked together at the beginning of their careers! Got to say, I am intrigued by the show's premise and the fact that TD and Catwoman's ex are working on a reality show together.

I *WISH* Charo was on this show instead of Boyce. At least would have some real showbiz glamour and a sense of humor. Which reminds me -- if Sofia Vegara is ever looking for work, RHOBH should snap her up.

Brandi -- and Yolanda -- came across very well in Sacramento. Interacting with normal RL people, Brandi can be very self-deprecating and human. Her relationship with her dad was touching, too. But then she comes back to LA and moans about Lisa. Lisa's AWFUL! She treats me like a child! It comes off as resentment for Lisa's wealth and status, and it also comes off as looking for something, anything, to blame her for. Lisa is an older generation to Brandi and I think she is naturally more maternal than sisterly with people. She was sharp with Brandi, telling her to "buck up" about her dog, but she was also in tears about the puppy. It looks hard but it is a very British trait -- the stiff upper lip. When things go bad, they tell you to count your blessings. Brits are actually quite shy people, especially about stuff like grief and love, and they try to cover up that shyness with humor. Boyce swooning about her hubby's Big, Strong Defensive skills was heavy-handed. We get it! Another HW who thinks her husband is her 'king.' Kim again half drunk in her VT. It's so weird seeing Kim being jovial because it always looks so forced. I liked the Kyle sedar scenes even if the were obviously staged for the film crew in order to burnish her image on the show. Still, Kyle did mention way back in S1 when she was on a plane travelling that she takes one of the Jewish holy books with her for comfort. And she's talked about Mauricio being a nice Jewish boy at Reunions. This show is seriously budget. Another warehouse gym?! Don't get me wrong, I liked the self-defense scenes and the guy teaching them very personable and good-natured (and hot). But the backdrop to all these "stories" is so blah. A boxing gym. A gun-range. Sacramento ended up looking positively luxurious in comparison. And Carlton yet again yapping about pole-dancing. We get it. You like girls. Correction: you like pole dancers. You love the female body. Honestly, Bravo cut have cut this season down to 8 episodes and we wouldn't have missed a thing.

I loved this Atlanta episode (OMG, I am still laughing thinking of them scrambling in their maxi dresses and wedges up that hilly driveway), and yes, Natalie was definitely hung out to dry. She should have kept quiet and played it cool but instead she decided to go after Kandi who gave her a masterclass in how to hand somebody their ass on a platter. However, as a single woman, I have to say that all the ill-natured glee at this woman not putting a ring on it... gah, not all my married friends are like this but one or two are. Something bad happens to one of our single friends, and they rub it in her face that she couldn't get the guy to commit and how her hubby is SO wonderful and would never treat her like that. It is that kind of smugness that bothers me, and Kenya, while single, really shouldn't have been playing the smug card. Everybody knows her African prince is a figment of her imagination. Cynthia defended Natalie because she was covering her ass for having spilled all that tea about her earlier. Peter really needs to sit his Papa Smurf ass DOWN.

This sums it up perfectly. TY, Cheap! Lisa shaded Kim in the best way possible on her blog. http://www.realitytea.com/2014/01/17/real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-lisa-vanderpump-explains-her-absence-at-kim-richards-party/ Kim really does look like a damn fool.

...and I rest my case.