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There Goes My Life
by Kenny Chesney
All he could think about was I'm too young for this
Got my whole life ahead
hell I'm just a kid myself
how I'm gonna raise one
All he could see were his dreams going up in smoke
So much for ditching this town and hanging out on the coast
Oh well, those plans are long gone
And he said
there goes my life
there goes my future, my everything
might as well kiss it all good-bye
there goes my life.......
A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later
That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator
Oh yeah..........he loves that little girl.
Momma's waiting to tuck her in
as she fumbles up those stairs
she smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear
sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncing curls
there goes my life
there goes my future my everything
I love you, daddy goodnight
there goes my life
She had that Honda loaded down
with Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes and his American express
he checked the oil and slammed the hood, said your good to go
she hugged them both and headed off to the west coast
And he cried
there goes my life
there goes my future, my everything
I love you
Emily stood in the bathroom looking down at the stick she laid on the vanity 5 minutes ago, she held her breath as she opened her eyes and read the results. She didn't want it to be true, she was too young, she had her whole life ahead of her, this would just complicate things. Her and Zander only slept together once, they were careful and used protection, it has to be the flu, it's not possible. Her hand quivered as she picked up the stick and took a second look at the little window with the 2 blue lines. She quickly went to the instructions that were included in the box, and read them again, thinking she made a mistake in reading it. No mistake. She sighed heavily and laid the stick back down on the counter. She backed away from it and fell against the wall behind her. Her knees buckled and she slid down the wall to the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she could feel the warm tears welling up in her eyes. She sniffled back the emotion she felt as she took her hand and wiped the moistness from her cheeks. She was stunned, she couldn't be pregnant. They were so careful. She sat on the floor of the bathroom, her mind racing with her future passing her by in flashes of what she could of had. She was unsure how Zander would take this news, he's always wanted a baby, but not this soon. They had wanted to wait till they were married, she was barely out of high school. She tried to compose herself enough to make a phone call to tell Zander about the results. She picked herself up off the floor and dried her eyes. She splashed some cold water on her face and grabbed the hand towel from the rack. She took a third look at the stick and saw the same results. She held onto the stick tightly in one hand and reached for the doorknob with the other.
She walked out into her bedroom and reached for the phone. She hesitated as her index finger quivered as she slowly dialed Zander's phone number. He didn't answer right away, enough time for her to have second thoughts of telling him, but she stayed strong and waited to hear his voice. "Zander ... I need to see you." she said when he answered. She hung up the phone, she knew he'd be at the mansion in a few minutes. She tried to collect her thoughts and wondered how she was going to tell him they were going to be parents. All the dreams they had, were gone. The life they wanted to live was gone, things have changed.
She heard his soft tap at her bedroom window as she turned her head and saw him waving to her from outside in the old oak tree. She quickly went to open the window so he could climb in, like always. She walked away from the window as he climbed in, like so many times before. He came up behind her as she held the stick in her hand just in awe of the results. "Emily, what's wrong?" he asked as he noticed in her demeanor something was bothering her. She turned into him and fell into his arms. "I'm sorry, Zander. I'm so sorry." she cried into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her to comfort her. "Emily, whatever it is, we'll get through it ... together." he reassured her. She sniffled back the tears as she looked up at him. He took his thumbs and wiped the tears from her cheeks and returned a little smile.
He looked down and noticed the stick in her hand. He reached for it and she handed it to him. "Zander, I'm .... I'm pregnant." she could barely get out the words, they seemed to be caught in her throat. He took the stick, turned and walked away from her. "Emily, are you sure?" he asked as he turned back around and faced her. The look in her eyes told him it was true. She hung her head and then looked up at him. "Two blue lines, don't lie." she said as she sat down in the chair as she felt her knees go weak. He rushed to her and knelt beside her. He took her hands in his and caressed them. She noticed his eyes welled with tears as she entangled her fingers in his coal black hair. "We'll get through this, we will .. I promise." She stood up from the chair and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I don't know what to do, Zander. I had my life planned, and now this .... I wanted to go to college, get a good job, get married, then start a family. Zander, what are we gonna do?" she sobbed as her tears moistened his tee shirt. He held her tight against him and tried to comfort her fears away. "I don't know Em, we'll figure it out." He reached down and cupped her face in his hands. "I love you and I'm not leaving. We're gonna do this together, okay?" He could feel her arms around him tighten as she buried her face into his chest. "I love you too Zander.
He spent a few more minutes with her trying to calm her. These results were shocking to both and he just needed to be alone to process it all. He climbed back out the window and into the old oak tree, she watched him go and walked back towards her bed. She fell back on the bed and closed her eyes, hoping that maybe all this would go away, but it didn't. Her mind was filled with thoughts of what was yet to come for her, and it certainly wasn't what she had planned.
Zander's legs felt like jelly as he landed on the ground below. He could barely walk back to his bike he had parked outside the black iron gates of the Quartermaine estate. He grabbed his helmet and straddled his bike. He couldn't hold in the emotions any longer, as he released all that was building up inside him. He left it all go and began to feel the warm tears trickle down his cheeks. He felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach, the news was not what he expected or was it wanted. He slipped on his helmet and turned the ignition.
The bike roared as he rode down the one lane driveway back into town. He rode through town and past the city limit sign, he needed time to think and he couldn't do that in his room at Jake's.
He rode for what seemed like hours, till he reached the old footbridge quite a few miles out of town. He and Emily used to go there alot, he had some fond memories of their time spent together. He pulled the bike to the side of the road and kicked the stand. He removed the helmet and hung it on the handle bar as he turned off the roar of the engine. He breathed in the fresh air deeply as he slid off the seat. He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and walked to the middle of the bridge. He leaned on the railing and the emotions once again overwhelmed him. His mind racing with the news Emily had just told him, and all the things he had planned for his future had just gone up in smoke. "Well, there goes my life. There goes my future, my everything, might as well, kiss it all goodbye. "
Emily heard the roar of Zander's bike pull in the drive way and she wiped her hands clean on the apron she had wrapped around her waist. She reached for Katie who sat quietly in her high chair watching her every move. "Daddy's home." Emily said as she and Katie walked towards the front door and waited for Zander. The door opened and Katie smiled brightly when she saw Zander walk in. She reached for him and he took her in his arms. "Hi sweetness." he said as he kissed Emily on the cheek hello. "Long day?" she ask as she noticed his greasy shirt. "Yeah and I'm exhausted." he replied as he walked towards the couch with Katie in his arms. "Dinner is almost ready. I'll leave her here with you while I set the table." Emily hoping that Zander didn't fall asleep before he had something to eat, he looked worn out. He had taken a job at the local bike shop fixing and rebuilding motorcycles, it was something that paid the bills and it was it legal, unlike the other jobs that were offered to him. She could hear he and Katie playing as she set the kitchen table and filled the glasses with water.
She soon called him to come in and sit down to eat. Katie was put in her high chair and her eyes widened at the plate Emily had made for her. Her fingers soon found the mashed potatoes and as usual most ended up on the floor or on her then in her mouth. Zander smiled as he watched his daughter enjoy her dinner. Emily got up from her chair and went for a napkin to clean up the mess that Katie was leaving everywhere. Zander laid down his napkin and went to refill his glass with water from the pitcher in the refrigerator. He stopped and looked at the refrigerator door covered with pictures of Katie. He smiled as he took one of the pictures in his hand and held it to his chest. His heart filled with so much love for his little girl, the mistake they thought they had made, was a mistake no longer. She was his little girl, she was his heart, she was his life now. He put the picture back on the refrigerator door, Emily noticed his private moment as she smiled cause she had the same thoughts every time she saw them too.
After dinner, Emily took Katie upstairs for her nightly bath and to get her ready for bed. Zander watched Emily climb the stairs as Katie followed not so close behind. Zander sat on the bottom step watching Katie fumble up the stairs, she looked back at him as she held onto her teddy bear that dragged along the steps. He smiled and thought to himself...."there goes my life, my everything..." she looked back once more and said .."I love you daddy.." He felt a sense of pride as his future reached the top of the staircase. "I love you too, sweetheart." he mumbled to himself as she disappeared from sight. He could hear her giggling as Emily picked her up and then the bathroom door closed shut.
Zander ran his hands through his hair and sighed. He was exhausted and he knew he had to do it all over again tomorrow. All he needed was a peaceful nights sleep, which he hadn't gotten since Katie was born. Midnight feedings, up all night rocking her to sleep, late nights were something that became a habit for him, but he wouldn't change a thing. Katie was his world, his life.
He turned out the lights and locked the front door before climbing the stairs to the bedroom. He could hear Katie laughing and playing while Emily gave her bath. He stood outside the bathroom door and listened. Emily surprised him as she opened up the door and he almost fell into her. She and Katie laughed as Zander had a startled look on his face. He recovered by taking Katie in his arms and held her up in front of him, he blew a raspberry on her tummy and she giggled. "I love you..." he said as Katie's little fingers entangled themselves in his coal black hair. "I love you too Daddy." Those words warmed his heart every time he heard them, he smiled at her.
"Time for bed." Emily said as she walked into Katie's room and turned on the light. Zander held Katie in his arms and put her down in her bed. She didn't want to let go as her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. He pried her from him and covered her up with the blankets. He brushed back the curls from her face and kissed her lightly on her cheek. "Goodnight sweetness." he said and walked towards the doorway. "Night daddy." she replied as he turned off the lights, only a dim nightlight was left on as he closed the door.
Emily watched him from across the hall as he peeked in at Katie one more time before going to bed himself. She noticed emotion overwhelm him as his hand wiped the moistness from his cheek. "Amazing isn't she?" she said as she came up from behind him wrapping her arms around his waist. "Yeah she is. Thank you." he replied as he turned into her. "Thank you for what?" she asked as Zander wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Thank you for bringing Katie into my life."
Zander stood waiting at the bottom of the stairs for the next suitcase to take out to the car, as he could hear Katie dragging out of her bedroom and to the top of the stairs. "Hey Dad? How much room do I have left in the car?" she shouted from her bedroom. Zander glanced out the door at the car sitting in the drive way, all he could see were boxes smashed against the passenger side windows. "Not alot, sweetheart. Why?" Katie came to the top of the stairs with a very large laundry bag in her arms. "Will this fit?" Zander chuckled. "Uh, no. Not unless you want to tie to the roof." She raised an eyebrow at him and Zander immediately shook his head in disagreement.
Katie began to lug the heavy suitcase down the stairs one step at a time. As she reached the last step, Zander took it from her and carried it out to the car. Emily came from the kitchen with a paper bag in her hand. "Mom." Katie whined with a smile. "Now look, it's a long drive to Stanford, you're going to need nourishment. So I packed some snacks." Katie kissed her mom on the cheek and took the paper bag from her as Zander walked in the front door dragging his feet. "I hope that's the last to go in the car, cause I don't think anything else will fit." he chuckled as Katie approached him. "Yes, Daddy. That's the last bag, I swear." she held up her two forefingers and crossed her heart.
"So, you're going to call when you get there, right?" Zander asked as he pulled his daughter tight against him. "I will." she replied as she buried her face into his chest. "I'm gonna miss you, sweetness." he whispered, barely getting the words out as his emotions overcame him. "I'm gonna miss you too, Dad." Emily came up behind them and caressed the back of Katie's head with her hand. "Now you be careful, drive safely. It's no race to get there. Stanford will be there, so take your time." Katie rolled her eyes at their concern. She knew they loved her, but their worry was overwhelming at times.
Katie grabbed her jacket from the coat rack and held the paper bag in her hand as Emily escorted her out the door and to the car. She gave her one last hug before Katie got in the car. Zander stood in the open doorway watching his daughter back out of the driveway for the last time. She was all grown up, going off to college, something both he and Emily always wanted for her, but his heart was heavy with sadness. He felt his eyes well with tears as the car disappeared from sight. Emily turned and walked back into the house as Zander just stood in the doorway looking out towards the street. He was in deep thought when he heard the phone ring.
He went quickly to answer it and heard a familiar voice on the other end. "I forgot to tell you something before I left." Katie sniffled back the tears as she stopped the car only a few blocks from the house. "Yeah what was that?" Zander asked as a tear trickled down his cheek. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you Daddy." He never got tired of hearing those words and they brought an overwhelming warmth of emotion, he wiped the tears from his eyes with his hand as he replied ..."I love you too, sweetheart." He hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen, he noticed the pictures on the refrigerator door still hung, they've changed over the years, but the feeling he got was the same. Katie grew up, but she'd always be Daddy's little girl.
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