The Science of Sexual Orientation...

[AbFabGL4ever7]

Ya that got me too. I'm right handed, have an older brother, but I also have two older sisters. When I was growing up I did hang around a lot of girls at school, but after school I hung with the guys. I always knew that I was attracted to boys though cause even though the girls would form crushes on me I would form crushes on boys. All my first experiences were with Girls, but it didn't feel right, look right, taste right, or smell right.....lol. but my experiences with boys soon after all felt right, looked right, and so forth. I think that genes, horomones, senses, and psyche all have to do with how we come to develop our sexual orentations and desires. I also think that all these have to do with how we evolve sexually after we have come to understand our orientation and our desires and fantasies.

[Steveo4]

Did anyone hear about that test a few months ago with smells and chemical/hormonal reactions? It was just in beginning stages I believe, but it had to do with the 'scent' that a male picks up from a female, and vice versa, that actually cause some kind of attraction and chemical reactions in the brain. And in gay men, the 'scent' of a male caused the same reactions that for straight men, a female 'scent' caused. Thougt it was very interesting. I think it has so much more to do with genes and hormones and pre-determined factors than we realize.

[JERSoapsFan]

Well, here's one for the books.

What is it called when you're sexually attracted to people of the same sex, emotionally attracted to only members of the opposite sex, think same sex kissing is probably the most disgusting thing known to man, and think opposite sex kissing is the best and think same sex marriage is unnatural? Because that's the boat I'm in. My whole life I just wanted to be married...but not to a man! But sometimes I just don't identify with heterosexual men and sometimes...I do. Just not on the sex stuff. But the romance...I do. I told you it's a messed up situation!

[AbFabGL4ever7]

An asexual butch lesbian with straight man tendencies.

[JERSoapsFan]

I'm not sure whether to be offended or laugh at that.

Either way, I wish there was an answer...

[AbFabGL4ever7]

Choose the latter.....its therapedic. Either way it comes down to what makes you....you. Don't change...... evolve. In your case I don't have a clue what that may be.....but do it anyway. U may stumble on to something or someone....hehe

[Michael]

Keeping in mind that I don't know any of the specifics of your situation (gender/age/background)--

Sounds to me like someone who's homosexual or bisexual but hasn't come to grips with that yet. When I was adjusting to the idea, I remember knowing that I was sexually interested in other guys, but the idea of being in a relationship with one seemed exceedingly... weird. Of course I was -- or thought I was -- more emotionally attracted to girls; I'd spent 14-15 years thinking that I was, and they were who I tended to be friends with! Same with the kissing and the marriage idea. Those are views that've been embedded in you because of your upbringing and the values (social, religious, political) that you hold dear.

I don't remember when or how things changed for me, exactly, and I'm not trying to "diagnose" you or anything! Just trying to give an opinion, which you seem to be seeking.

Think about this: what if there were a guy to whom you were heavily sexually attracted -- AND with whom you had a really deep, meaningful friendship? Isn't that an emotional attraction, much like a romantic relationship?

[JERSoapsFan]

LOL. I gotcha.

I have a feeling I'll probably end up with a woman. It'll be later in life, I'm sure, but that's what feels right, in terms of commitment and romance...I think the other part of me merely came from isolationism. There's even a study on that, how there can be temporary homosexual behaviors, or even long-term, based on enviroment. I would be willing to bet that one's it.

[Michael]

That's the thing -- I believe that sexuality is a lot more fluid and complex than we often try to make it, and certainly more than we are able to understand at this point in time.

"Straight," "gay," and "bisexual" are labels by which we choose to categorize ourselves. It's up to you how you identify and live your life, regardless of the underlying complexity of your feelings.

[JERSoapsFan]

I appreciate your comment.

But for the last line, I don't think there's ever been anyone like that in my life. In fact, I'm sure of it. Also, I've done some pretty crazy things to get the attention of the girls that I've been smitten with. I don't mean Beth-on-"Passions" crazy but just those grand gestures that you hear about all the time. Well, I just wouldn't ever do that for a man. I couldn't imagine wanting to. And I've been given several catcalls by some men while passing a gay club on a few chance times--scared the living crap out of me! Now, when girls gave me catcalls or whistled or whatever, on those occasions that they did, I was flattered. I'm really not sure of what is going on.

All I'll say, to get more to my situation, I'm quite the recluse. I work, yes, and I do go out with friends and party hard from time to time, but for the most part, I'm isolated...and that makes me wonder if it has to do with the isolationist theorem. (You see, I haven't dated for a while...on top of it all, I've felt forced to become a recluse--without getting too gothic or in too much detail, I've sort of punished myself to stay away from the public whenever I can--it's a little like a soap opera, my reason for doing it. I'm kind of a prisoner, lol...how's that for suspense?) The POINT is, I'm in an alternative situation right now, so it's hard for me to judge myself at this stage. That said, it's also hard being kind of attractive and having some people already start the Dreaded Rumors (!) because someone like me isn't out there, banging everything in sight--or at least expressing interest in SOMETHING. (Oh, I've already gone through the whole embarrassing, "No, I don't want you to find me a man" situation).

So right now, I'm in a sort of limbo and my life's on hold until I get out there again. That's why I appreciate others analyzing my life, in whatever limited way they can. I know what I want, in the long run, I just don't like the way I've been feeling, and how I could let it overtake me if I don't get out there again and remember what the other sex tastes like...

[SteveFrame]

JER as a bisexual man now I will say this - if there is a sexual attraction to men in any way at all before you can move on with a woman you need to deal with that somehow. I am just giving you advice from my experience. Whatever the reason that is causing it, it it doesn't go away and you do get involved in a long term relationship then it might come out to haunt you.

This is going into some more deatil that some may be interested in but I will try to be brief. When my wife and I divorced, it had nothing to do with an underlying attraction to men that was present for much of our almost 20 year marriage. I never once acted on them and we had a good marriage that was hampered by problems from an illness that I have and financial difficulties that became too insurmountable. We are lucky that we are still friends, sometime dates, and even sometime lovers. But we both know that we could never live together.

Since our divorce the sexual attraction to men became a lot stronger and at some point my wife and I were thinking about getting back together. But all through the talks those nagging feelings bothered me. I knew that before I could commit to her again I had to either get over it or deal with it. I chose the latter - or it was sort of decided for me by the right situation.

Anyway I know from that experience that this is something I want to explore. Now I don't have the desire to be in a committed relationship with a man at this point, but I also don't have that desire to be in one with a woman either. I am just ready to be single again and enjoy it.

I just know that if I had entered into that relationship again with my ex, that those feelings which were much stronger by then would have been a problem. A problem that is best handled outside of a committed relationship.

I also know that I would have always wondered. The guy I was with was bisexual too and from the time that we talked he has experienced many of the same feelings and even has many of the same ideas that you have expressed here.

[JERSoapsFan]

I appreciate your response, Steve. And I promise I'll keep all your comments in mind. And I would never jump into a committed relationship without knowing, with certainty, that it was something I could do. So don't worry about that. These issues will be dealt with before I put myself in that situation. And to be truthful, that's why I've kept my distance from the opposite sex for about a year now. I want to just be by myself right now, and I thought, explore my options. But I'm finding that in my case, I think, distancing myself from some really wonderful girls was more to my detriment. So perhaps that's the answer, as I'm really not happy with an unfulfilled life that is only characterized by work and recurring 'good times' that have no real meaning. And by real meaning, I mean closeness, true intimacy, commitment and children. It's an old-fashioned ideal but I crave it so badly that those times I think otherwise, or act otherwise, I just feel so guilty. But at the same time, I don't want to date girls again until these feelings are resolved...so it really is a Catch 22.

Even so, time is all I need to figure things out, and I know it will all turn out the way it should.

[AbFabGL4ever7]

Who needs a shrink when u got all of your wonderful friends at SON!! Sometimes I need to realize that humor doesn't work all the time.

To JERsoapsfan,

Just give me a good slap if I go overboard with the humor....lol