Need to Vent

[Tishy]

Ok, my family, meaning my middle sister, doesn't like my boyfriend because she heard him drop an F bomb in an argument with me. He is not welcome in her house. BF and I have been together for three and a half years. Thats backstory

Recently I have been sick and should not drive long distances. At Thanksgiving, which is only 20 minutes from my house, my family insisted on picking me up. I said fine. We had a nice Thanksgiving, my BF was not there, he was at his parents. After I left, they decided, without consulting me that for Christmas, I would drive to my middle sister's (which is 150 miles away) with my mother on Saturday and on Sunday my oldest sister would drive me halfway home and my BF could pick me up.

Sounds like a feasible solution. However, no one in my family bothered to tell me about this until a few days ago. I was going to drive myself. I just can't get pulled over, thats all. I am very upset that I was not even asked my opinion about this. No one asked my BF if he minded driving an hour to pick me up on Christmas Eve, he has plans with his family and couldn't anyway. But if at Thanksgiving, we could have figured a solution out. I am so mad. My family decided my life again, as this is not the first time they have made decisions for me. I am soon to be 33, they act like I am 12.

I know that they have concerns for me and that they love me, but I am upset that they didn't ask me, they told me. Do I seem too selfish to be angry?

[KLN]

I would be pissed if I were you, too. Taking nobody else into consideration but themselves... and it sounds like they really dislike your boyfriend. It's amazing how much family can interfere and cause relationship problems. As frustrating as it may be, though, just keep in mind that they only do it because they care, LoL. It's better to be cared about in an annoying way than not cared for at all. Look on the bright side .

I'm thankful that my own immediate family has never been like that. We all care about one another, and we all get on each other's nerves from time to time by being overly cautious about one another's welbeing, but we all know that it comes from care and love. We've never just flat out dictated each other's lives, though. And if we did, I'd be just as angry as you are.

Have you tried being really stern with them? You know, not mean... if you're mean to someone, they automatically shut down and don't listen to a word you say. But maybe if you sat down and had a heart-to-heart talk with them in a serious tone... maybe they would not only pay attention to your point of view, but they'd also respect you for having the backbone to do it.

[SoapQueen89]

I have/had the same problem. I'm 35 and at times treated like I'm 16. God forbid I don't call my parents (who live but 5 miles from me) at least once a day. I know it's that they love me and all, but still --- hovering is not good and at times I just get so annoyed with their meddling. But on the flip side, sometimes I'm grateful to have them there when I need them, like with my current situation (divorce headaches, a whole other story).

I agree with Kenny -- speak up but don't be too harsh with them, they love you.

Jen

[SteveFrame]

Tishy, Coming from someone who has an illness that is long-term like yours and disrupts your lifestyle I can understand exactly where you were coming from.

My illness prevents me from driving at times too. And many times it is way too dangerous for me to drive and I choose not too. It is something that causes lots of havoc with me and my family as well. Even while my Mom was sick she worried more about me than she did about herself. My siblings are the same way.

So much of their concern has limited me from living at times. I finally just had to tell them that even though my illness is not one that is life-threatening, it is something that alters my life. I am not going to die from it, but if they baby and caudle me always I might as well be dead. I love that they are concerned for me, but if I can't live the illness wins. And I refuse to let it win.

Since then things have gotten better. I still let them offer advice, and I am not too afraid to ask for help when I need it. I can't say that my approach will work for you. I do know that all of us have the problem to some degree, but when illness comes into the picture it gets even worse. Suddenly you are no longer a person - you are your illness.

[Tishy]

I have tried many times being stern with them. Unfortunately, my sister is almost making me choose between her family, which has my two nephews, and my BF. I have told them many times that I appreciate their concern for me, but just consult with me and we could have worked something out.

As it is, I am not attending Christmas at my sister's. I am staying home and cooking my own turkey (God help me)

Thanks for letting me vent.