In this special ICU episode, you will see today's events play out as to how Lucas sees them. You will see and hear his thoughts, opinions, basically how he truly feels about everyone coming to pay their respects for Brandon by Lucas' side, and his true feelings about what he really believes about how Brandon's death was entirely his fault. The thoughts of Lucas appear in italics.
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Port Charles begins with Lucas putting on his best suit. "So, today's the day...the day where we can finally put Brandon to rest," he says to himself. "I never thought this day would ever come. I have been putting it off week in and week out, making up phony excuses as to why I wanted to avoid the issue, but I cannot escape the truth anymore."

Lucas walks over to his nightstand picks up the picture of him and Brandon from their trip to Hawaii last year. "You're gone my love. And there's no way I can ever bring you back." Lucas begins to cry as he flashes back to that fateful night where Brandon was hit by a car. "I hope that one day, Brandon, you can forgive me for the terrible mistake I made....and maybe one day, I can forgive myself."

Just then, Carly enters the room. Lucas wipes the tears from his face and starts to get dressed again. Carly speaks to Lucas, but we are unable to hear her word. Lucas' inner thoughts can be heard while she's speaking to him.

<i>Carly has been so supportive through this difficult time. I never knew what it was truly like having a sister to connect with. It feels good knowing I can have a family member to depend on. Heh, they may say some awful things about her, but Carly does love her family...no question about that. I was more stunned than relieved when I came out to her. She's accepted me for who I am, with no questions asked, never judging me for being the way I am. I've watched as she's gone from home wrecker to loving sister, putting my needs before her own and coming to my defense. For that I am always grateful.</i>

Carly's voice begins to fade in. "You are gonna make it through this. You are gonna have a lot of friends and family to support you. <b>I</b> will support you, and I will always be there for you. You're my brother and I love you Lucas. Never forget that." Carly pats him on his back before turning back around to leave the room. She knows this will be one of the toughest days of his life.

<i>It's times I feel like I am a burden to Carly, now knowing she has things to overcome on her own problems....new baby on the way (even though she hasn't confirmed it to me yet, I know these things)....Sam being alive...I just hope I can be there for her as she was with me.</i>
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Everyone begins making their way upon Wyndemere, where the funeral proceedings shall take place. Nikolas was kind enough to allow Lucas to hold the event there. Carly puts aside her anger issues with Nikolas long enough to have this day go on without a hitch. Carly opens the door, making the way for Maxie, Lulu, Georgie, Dillon, Luke, Tracy, Ned, Robin, Mac, Patrick, Anna, Sonny and the kids to arrive. and even Noah. They all go over to give Lucas a hug, but Dillon tends to shy away from Lucas, knowing that their tryst pushed the events in motion. Lucas unaware of the fact that Noah is there because he is also feeling guilt inside.

<i>Wow, so Noah came to the funeral but my own mother didn't? I guess she doesn't care what this day means to me or the man that I love. Noah wasn't close with Brandon, but he was kind to both of us so I can understand why he's here. But Dillon? ………..I shouldn't be this way. This is a day of remembrances, but I can't help feeling angry. He says he cares about me...where was his concern for Brandon? I don't think I can ever forgive him, or myself, for what happened. But, I cannot dwell on that now. The least I can do is try to show some consideration and put my feelings aside, for Brandon's sake. No one else's.</i>

As soon as everyone settled in, Carly informed the guests that it was time to go out to the memorial area. On the way out, the camera cuts to Noah, who whispers to himself, "What have I done?" All the guests put a flower overtop of the small casket containing a portion of Brandon's ashes. There, each had their own personal speech that they wanted to share with Brandon and most of all, Lucas.

Carly is first up to speak. She slowly makes her way to the podium to speak. She looks over the crowd of friends and family, there to support Lucas. She slowly turns to the poster sized picture of Brandon and begins to speak.

"You were the first, if not only, person, to make my brother happy. Somehow, you were able to bring what was missing from his life. Joy, contentment, happiness, the list goes on. It wasn't always smiles with the two of you. In the beginning you hated one another, but as time passed you helped Lucas accept who he is and the man he is destined to become." She stops to wipe the tears from her eyes. She casts a glance to Lucas, who appears to be in his own little world.

"When Lucas found out that he lost you, he was devastated…as we all were. The world stopped, and he couldn't go forward. You were his world....you were his life. There will never be another like you Brandon. No one could ever replace you in his life. I know that you wouldn't want Lucas to be alone forever. In time the wounds will heal, but you will always hold a special place in his heart….and in ours."

Inside Lucas is crying uncontrollably. Outside he feels he must be strong and not let this be about his grief. He doesn't shed a tear during Carly's speech. No emotion, just a blank stare. All he could do was sit and feel numb as everyone gave their speeches. Up next was Lulu.

"When I first saw Brandon, I knew right away he would be the perfect guy for Lucas. They both had something that was undeniable, right from the start. The two may not have saw it at first, but it was there. All you two needed was some pushing. I just respected you both for going ahead, not giving a care about what the world thought, and basically just being yourselves as if nothing that anyone thought badly of you could get to you. That kind of love," Lulu begins to cry. She struggles to hold back her tears. "That kind of love is so uncommon. I advise everyone here to grab on to it and never let go once you find it!"

The camera cuts to the audience. Those who came together look at their significant others and smile, grabbing each other's hands. Lulu finishes up her speech, "Once you find it don't ever let go. You were the best thing to happen to Brandon."

Lulu goes back and Carly comforts her as she begins to cry. Maxie had nothing to say, as all she could think about in her head was of her own self. How she somehow pushed Dillon and Lucas together. The pain got to her so much, that all she could was walk away with tears in her eyes. Still, Lucas was not showing any emotion whatsoever. Noah walked up and apologized for not keeping him here on this earth so that he and Lucas could have more time together. In reality, this was Noah's veiled attempt of apologizing for keeping the truth hidden from Lucas about who was behind the wheel of the car. Noah touched Lucas' arm and started crying. Dillon was next, and when he went to speak, he could not get any words out, and started closing up...but he was determined to let both Lucas and Brandon know how he feels.
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"Brandon was probably the most intelligent and funny person that I'll ever know. He was always kind to me and I enjoyed spending time with him." Soon into his speech, Dillon begins to break down. "Oh...god.....I never wanted any of this to happen. This was never my intention. I put so many lives in jeopardy, I hurt someone who I called my best friend...and I don't think he will ever forgive me for that."

Tracy stands up and tells Dillon to stop making this about him. Luke goes over and tries to bring Dillon back to his seat. As they pass Lucas, Dillon stops. "What I did...what I have done was inexcusable. I never should have betrayed your friendships. But, I screwed up! I hurt you both in the worst way possible. And now...this is my punishment! All the pain and suffering....none of this would have happened if it weren't for me!"

Lucas stands up and looks Dillon right in the eyes. "Poor you. Poor you Dillon. Brandon is dead and all you can think about it how sorry you are? My forgiveness is not the one you should be asking for."

Dillon turns back and looks at a cold Lucas. "I really am sorry….for everything." His sincerity was untouched. It is at this moment that Dillon truly realizes that he's lost Lucas as a friend forever. Finally it was Lucas' turn to speak. Lucas was hesitant to get up….but he felt compelled to do so.

Lucas slowly walks up to the podium. The wind begins to blow heavily and the clouds begin to darken. He closes his eyes and begins to speak from the heart. He thanks everyone for coming to this service. He apologizes for not being able to speak the way he'd like to, but would like to express his feelings through a poem that he wrote for Brandon:

Louder, louder
The voice in my head,
Whispers taunting, all the things you said,
Faster the days go by, And I'm still
Stuck in this moment, of wanting you here,
Time in the blink of an eye,
You held my hand,
You held me tight,
Now you're gone and I'm still crying,
Shocked, Broken, I'm dying inside….

Where are you?
I need you!
Don't be leave me here on my own,
Speak to me, be near me,
I can't survive unless I know your with me,
Where are you? I need you.
Don't leave me here on my own
Where are you?
I can't survive unless you're with me.

A tear slowly falls down his cheek as he inhales the fresh Spoon Island air.
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Carly informs everyone that they may all return to Wyndemere for the dinner honoring Brandon's memory. Lucas tells them to leave without him because he's not ready to leave. Carly and Lulu don't think it's a good idea for him to be alone, but he reassures them that he'll be fine. Everyone began leaving slowly, giving Lucas a hug and telling him it was going to be ok. As soon as everyone was gone, Lucas slowly walked to the display and put his hand over the picture. From that point on, all buried emotions come to the surface as he is unable to hold them back any longer.

"I never thought that you would ever leave me. You know, we made plans to spend our lives together. We even thought of having kids one day. How did things get so messed up? We began to grow apart, but we never let that distance hurt us…until that night. That stupid night....I turned to someone else. I betrayed you, your trust, your devotion. Dillon is not entirely to blame here. I am, too. You will never know how sorry I am that I hurt you. You would never gotten hit by that car if it wasn't for me. You wouldn't have ended up hating me if it wasn't for my actions. For that, look what it cost me. I lost my friend, my confidante, my soul mate. Please, forgive me, Brandon. Please! I am so sorry! God...I am so sorry!"

That moment, all emotions run high as Lucas just lies down and starts to cry heavily. All of the pain and hurt finally comes out and he cannot stop. He holds them back long enough to sing "Irish Blessing."

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face. May the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, until we meet again……..may god, hold you in the palm….of his hand……

While he is crying, a hand touches his shoulder. He looks up and sees a figure looking down at him. He continues to cry in her arms as she sits down next to him. She wipes the tears from his eyes and tells him that Brandon did forgive him. Carly tells Lucas when he's sleeping and feels something brush against his cheek, that'll be Brandon. When he walks outside and feels a chill from the wind that is Brandon. When he look to the sky to talk to Brandon, the biggest and brightest star will be him. Brandon will never leave Lucas. She's sure of it.

Lucas then picks up the urn and takes off the top. With Carly's help he slowly turns it over, allowing the ashes to blow in the wind over the water. Lucas stands tall and feels the wind blow, sending a chill down his spine. Carly takes him by the hand and says "Let's go home." Port Charles ends with Carly and Lucas walking back Wyndemere. Suddenly a white light appears in the form on Brandon…as he says "I do forgive you."
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On the next Port Charles: Endgame
-Lorenzo returns to Port Charles
-Skye ends her engagement to Lorenzo
-Robin receives a phone call from Brenda
-Monica and Alan prepare for their vacation

Credit for poem: Kelly Clarkson, "Haunted" from her upcoming album "My December"