Darcy- Let me start by saying that I just love you! You are really making me think about why I feel the way I do about characters I like and don’t like. I really appreciate the debate and I appreciate the fact that we can do it so amicably. That’s refreshing from some other boards where I have posted in the past. {{giant hugs}} to you!

Dixie seems to expect that Tad would just accept what she's done on that front as well but he is understandably upset and he has a right to be.

I agree that Tad has every right to be upset but we know that Dixie does not expect Tad to accept what she has done and she has said so numerous times.

She has SAID that she doesn’t expect Tad to accept what she has done but her reactions to his “non acceptance” seems to indicate that she still had some expectation of forgiveness. When her explanations say “I know what I did was wrong and you have every right to hate me BUT…” the but means to me, accept it anyway. She never even acknowledged her own culpability in what happened to Kendall and the hand she played in that scenario was second only to JR himself. I have been a fan of misunderstood JR for a very long time. I used to believe that there was a battle of Cooney vs Chandler inside him that rivaled the eternal good vs evil. I felt sorry for him for losing his mother and I understood his constant questioning of himself. A lot of that changed with the return of the real Dixie. My sympathy for JR deepened and my sympathy deepened. First of all because I saw the boy really wanted and needed his mother. When he was in the cabin crying and drinking when Babe and Little A were kidnapped, it tore out my soul. He was begging for his mother and in that moment my heart completely closed to Dixie because she was standing right there behind him and did nothing. She witnessed his dementia and break down when he held Krystal at gunpoint and did nothing. I know that Dixie said that she thought it would make it worse but to me it just didn’t make sense that she could do that. It only added insult to injury in my mind. When she finally saw JR for the first time her words were “Hi, baby. Momma’s home.” WTF???? Those words were not the words of someone that expects the “non acceptance” from her son or from Tad.

Kendall was struggling with her own ability to be a good mother because of her own issues. Kendall gave Ryan rights but then Ryan really pushed her to do things his way and she pushed back. EVERYONE was pushing her.

They were all supporting her though and trying to help her. If Kendall had just had major surgery, had a head injury and thought she was going to die that day, I would have more understanding of her choice.

I tend to go back to a conversation that Kendall had with Erica and with Zach on the night of the casino opening. She said outright that she was not momma material and “no barf, no baby booties. Not now, not ever.” She really believed that was the right thing to do. She had a self understanding that completely questioned her own parenting abilities. Dixie never questions her own ability and planned to have that child. She also saw who Tad was as a parent. He had already raised the child that she had with Adam and his own child with Brooke. She knew that Tad was a great father. Kendall had Uncle Jonathan that scared her silly with stories of what a great uncle he would be. Uncle Jonathan was the same man that held her in a cave and murdered his own brother. Daddy Ryan was equally confusing. He faked his death to avoid parenthood. He ran and he had a history of running. I don’t think she could be completely sure that Ryan REALLY wanted this. Sure he SAID he did but he kept saying that he wanted it if Kendall was going to be there. He said that he was prepared to raise him alone but she was stressed about waving to him across the park and knowing that’s the kid she didn’t want when the whole time she was convinced that she would be a mom that HE didn’t want.

Dixie sought out Zach when she was shot and she knew that Zach was in love with another woman and she knew he had a whole lot of other things on his plate.

Yes, like he was going to kill himself and she talked him out of it and encouraged him to fight for the woman he loved (who wanted nothing to do with him at the time) and not give up on her or them and Zach did take her advice and thus we have Zendall again.

Kendall DID want something to do with him. She wanted him to fight for her. She loved him then and she was connected to him enough to know that he wasn’t right with himself even when they weren’t in daily contact. Zach was in a very bad part of his life at the time. You are right about that but we will never know what would have happened. Could the conversation that he had with Kendall just before have had an impact on his actions? He felt like he wasn’t good enough to be loved but it was obvious that she still cared for him. She basically said she did to him that night. His mind COULD have already been changed.

Dixie sought Zach out again when she thought Madden was "getting away" the night he was buried and she DAMN SURE knew he had other things on his plate including a comatose wife that he loves more than his own life.

Dixie found out Zach was in jail so she went to see him and ask for his help and so Zach made a phone call for her. They then talked about Madden having a plane (Zach brought it up). It was Zach's choice to go with Dixie. Period. She didn't point a gun to his head.

She knew that he was being released. She was told and THEN she asked for his help. He said he had to get back to the hospital. She whined that Madden was getting away and that could be her LAST CHANCE to save Kate. She asked for his help and she didn’t mean just make a phone call. It was Zach’s choice to go with Dixie and I disagree with it on many levels. The thing is that she went to Zach when she could have gone to Tad/Aiden, Adam (with his resources), or David but she chose to go to incarcerated Zach with a dying wife. Zach may have complied but SHE imposed herself on him during a difficult time.

She sought him out to plead for mercy for her murderous son and Zach reluctantly granted him clemency ONCE. She DAMN SURE knew that Zach had a right to whatever retribution he wanted to dish.

No one has a right to take illegal retribution against anyone. If Zach had killed JR as he threatened he would be worse than JR - an actual murderer.

In the real world I agree. In the soap world where no one ever pays for their transgressions by the book, JR has it coming. JR was going to kill his wife so that his son wouldn’t have to suffer the same type of mother that he was dealt and that was all in his booze soaked mind. Babe did not provoke him (this time). JR did plenty to provoke Zach to want to do whatever it takes to make him pay.

I also do not think she wanted to keep Zach from hurting JR for JR's sake. It was her own guilt that drove her to do that

I disagree. If Dixie had nothing to feel guilty about obviously she still would have wanted Zach to not murder her son.

Maybe so…actually you are right about that. However if she was really concerned about JR she would still me taking a little more interest in his life. Does she even know that her daughter-in-law and co-conspirator to make sure JR got off the hook and would never learn his lesson Babe went down in a plane? We haven’t seen her check in with her once since he went on the wagon. Heck, Krystal seems more concerned about JR’s well being right now.

She sought out Zach again when the news of Madden's death hit and she DAMN SURE knew that she was going to the home he shared with the WIFE that he loves and in her selfishness threw herself in his arms seeking comfort from someone that she felt couldn't question her motives for all her transgressions in the past.

Dixie was hysterical this day and I don't see going to tell Zach about Madden's death as a crime. She was frantic about whatever they did that night that they should not have done. As soon as Dixie saw Kendall and Ryan she apologized twice and went to leave immediately. Zach was the one who followed her out to talk to her.

Hysterical or not, Tad calls her on her actions and instead of taking the heat, she runs. Instead of staying and trying to repair some of what she has done, she ran to David. When David doesn’t act the way she wants him to act, she runs. She has history (and a history that involved the missing child in question) with these people and she needs to resolve these relationships because if Kate is going to come home, these people will rightfully be involved in her life. THESE are the people that she needs and if she has to face a little music before she gets what she wants then so be it.

Yes, she does actively seek him out

Yeah, the three times you mentioned and he had a choice whether to ignore her or not. He has seeked her out much more to check on her and offer his help.

He did have a choice and like I said, once this is resolved, I really think the next logical story should be an exploration of Zach’s past and his psyche that tells him that he has to rescue people- women in particular.

She told him that he didn't have to help her in that half hearted way that says that you can stop helping me but little helpless and innocent ol' me will NEVER find poor Kate. Oh woe is me.

She did not say or even imply that last part and Zach is well aware that Dixie has plenty of people that can help her. If Zach still wants to help, despite Dixie's request not to help her, it's all on him.

I didn’t say that she actually said the above but it is the manner of what she is saying that I see when I watch. Of course I know that can be subjective but it is exactly what comes through on my screen. I am not excusing all of Zach’s participation because it bothers me but it bothers me because it is a part of him that I don’t completely understand. Again, it’s that need to save people that I would love to have explained.

I do appreciate what you are saying though. I guess I just see it a little bit differently because I cannot forgive Dixie for a lot of the things she did to JR and Tad. She cannot ever be redeemed in my eyes.

Thanks and I agree we all see things in different ways. For example, Dixie and Zach did similar things by playing dead and denying their families. When has Zach been redeemed for denying his son? For not only not acknowledging him but then betraying him again by marrying the woman he loved? And Zach's pathetic reason was because of the Cambias Curse! IMO, even Dixie's excuse for staying away isn't as bad as that, and at least she had been severely psychologically and physically traumatized for over a year. Ethan never recovered from Zach's betrayl and IMO Zach was responsible for his son's death, as Ethan couldn't bear being trapped in the rubble explosion, with the man who had hurt and traumatized him so much. At least Dixie has deep regret for everything she has done as she always says and Zach has no regrets as he usually says. He has barely given a second though to Ethan since shortly after his death.

Zach hasn’t been redeemed for what happened between him and Ethan. Ethan died hating his father and that will follow Zach for the rest of his life. He knows it and he knows his own mistakes are the reason for it and it is the cause of his depression. This is a precarious subject for me as a Zach fan. My understanding is this. Zach spent his entire life running from his family and what his family meant. He just dealt with the loss of this image he had of his little brother and the reality of what his brother had become. He hadn’t come to terms with it when Ethan entered the picture and he had no idea how to deal with an adult son that he never knew existed or how to reconcile that with what he thought being a Cambias meant at that time. When Zach married Kendall, he and Ethan were in a game against each other (as Zach said “our little war”). Ethan shut down the casinos and did his best to have his father executed for murdering Edmund Grey which he knew Zach did not do. I think Zach truly thought the Kendall proposal was his trump card that would ensure that he would “win” the game and save Ethan. It was like a game of chicken but Ethan never chickened. Once the deed was done, Zach offered to release Kendall and Kendall refused. Zach told Ethan that Kendall loved him and that he would undo what he did but Ethan wouldn’t have it. Ethan marinated in losing Kendall because of his own actions, not the actions of Zach.

Zach says he doesn't have regrets because you can't change what's already done but he begged for Ethan's forgiveness even immediately following Ethan's apparent glee at his own participation in trying to destroy his father's life yet again. Zach transgressed against his son but Ethan was no shrinking flower. His transgressions rivaled anything Zach did to him.

An apology still doesn't cut it for me. I know what it's like to have been abused, and "I'm sorry" doesn't make up for the pain and hurt inflicted by abusers

My point was merely that the apology had happened on screen and not off.