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The Bauer BBQ



Kendall OR Greenlee...  

51 members have voted

  1. 1. Which Character Do You Prefer?

    • Kendall
    • Greenlee


Rick stands at the stove, taste testing his homemade BBQ sauce when Ed emerges into the kitchen sporting a white chef's hat and an apron that reads, "FATHER OF THE COOK." Rick bursts into laughter at the site of his father.

Ed: So I am assuming you don't like it?

Rick: Not really. You look pretty silly.

Ed: Well at least I won't be alone.

Ed slaps a chef's hat on Rick's head also.

Rick: Are you kidding me? I am not wearing this -- this thing.

Ed: Of course you are. And you're going to wear it with dignity.

Rick: I don't think wearing this monstrosity on my head will make me feel dignified.

Ed: But you will. Oh and here. (pulls an apron from his back pocket and hands it to Rick) You are going to need this as well.

Rick is speechless and worried what the apron might say. He unravels it and is taken back. He shows the apron to Ed.

Rick: Kiss the cook? Dad, that is umm...pretty generic.

Ed: Well there is a reasoning behind it.

Rick: Please share.

Ed: With all these available women showing up at the cookout, maybe one will take you up on the offer and kiss--

Rick: Dad!

Ed: Come on, Son. Let's be serious. When was the last time you were with a woman.

Rick: Not too long ago. I was married to Beth.

Ed joins Rick at the stove overlooking the BBQ sauce.

Ed: I wouldn't've call that a marriage.

Rick: Whaddya mean?

Ed: Nothing. Nothing at all.

Rick: You put it out there already. Share. Since you know so much about marriage.

Ed: I didn't say all of that.

Rick: But that was what you were implying. What was so wrong with me and Beth?

Ed looks into Rick's eyes. He is concerned that telling him the truth might upset his son. But, on the other hand, he knows that it has to be done.

Ed: The truth is that, there WAS or NEVER will be a you and Beth. Beth will always be in love with Phillip or Alan or whoever else is the man of the hour.

Rick: So what? Beth never loved me?

Ed: Loves you, yes. Ever in love with you, no. You've always fought to be with Beth but in return she has never fought to be with you.

Rick: I thought you liked Beth?

Ed: I do. But let's be honest, Beth has really just been using you. And I just never understood how you left Mel to chase a dream you have had since you were a mere teenager.

Rick: It wasn't a dream. Beth and I did love each other at that point.

Ed: No you weren't. You two were seeking comfort from elsewhere. Beth, from dealing with Alan and you, from dealing with Mel being upset about the Ross accident.

The phone rings.

Rick: I'll get it because I am over this conversation.

Rick goes to answer the phone.

Rick: (on phone) Hello?....Hi Michelle!

Rick shoots a look at Ed before going back to talk to Michelle.



Alan stand in front of the mirror examining himself. He likes what he sees and pops a cigar in his mouth. As he is about to light it, Alexandra bursts into the room.

Alan: What now Alexandra?

Alex: Just checking to see what is taking you so...(distracted by what he is wearing)...Alan...why are you wearing a tux to cookout.

Alan: More like my funeral. Me, in a room with a bunch of Bauers spells disaster.

Alex: Well you are still going. Everyone is going to be there. I even heard Mike might make a surprise cameo.

Alan: Great. That man gave me hell when I was married to Hope and now I have to deal with him being at the BBQ?

Alex: Oh Alan. You are being dramatic. I am sure that Mike's opinion of you have changed since then.

Alan: Yeah. I am sure he hates me worse than before. Especially with the feud I had with Rick.

Alex: Just be polite...even though that is hard for you.

Alex snatches the cigar out of his mouth and tosses it into the trash. Alan is stunned by this action.

Alex: Now hurry up. We'll be down in the limo waiting you.

Alan releases a big sigh as Alex exits the room. Suddenly the phone rings.

Alan: Hilda! Hilda, get the phone

No one answer.

Alan: Damned hired help. They just don't seem to help anyone anymore.

Alan walks over to his nightstand and picks up the phone.

Alan: Hello...(rolling his eyes)...slow down, slow down. Now what do you mean he is headed back this way?...But I thought I told you to do whatever it took to keep him from ever coming back home...Don't worry about it, I'll handle it.

Alan slams the phone onto the receiver and proceeds with opening the drawer on his night stand. He sticks his hand inside and pulls it out to reveal a .45. He sticks it into his jacket and exit the room.


Hidden amongst the branches stands Alan Michael watching Rick and Ed from a window nearby.

Alan Michael: Home, sweet home.




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