life can be pretty crazy sometimes

I guess I'm just not in the mood to talk to other people today. Certain individuals have been bothering me, and the only way that I can react is by ignoring them. Sometimes I just don't understand how other people can seem to "have it all" while I have to struggle just to be average. There's this one girl who I guess I'm friends with, but she just makes me feel like I'm worthless. She doesn't do any of her reading for classes and slacks off all weekend, but then she gets amazing grades. To me, that's just not fair because I have done all of my reading and have had numerous amounts of mental breakdowns (most small, one big one) in the course of only 4 weeks, yet I still cannot seem to get grades higher than Bs. I know that I'm risking my health by doing this (especially now that I have an ulcer), but if I don't work this hard, I'm afraid that my grades will be even worse. I can live with Bs, but I cannot live with Cs. I also know that I'm not supposed to care about what other people are doing, but this girl is always saying about how wonderful her writing is (about how she just won an award for an essay she submitted last semester), and I have to pretend to be happy for her...but I'm not. Everything she does makes me feel useless. I don't even want to talk to her, but it's almost impossible to ignore her when we live in the same house together and are "friends."

Sometimes all I want to do is cry and sleep. I can't even do that without worrying about losing time to do homework.