My dad's insane sister is going to be here for the first time in 5 years. If you fuzed Janet on AMC and Allison on OLTL together, that is Aunt Shirley. This is her:
ALL HER LIFE she faked rapes and kidnappings. For attention. The first time was when she was a teenager, in fact, the local paper interviewed her and printed the story because they thought it was real. In reality, her and her friend Pam Fagen conspired together. She had Pam beat her up to make it seem real.
In conjunction with the family freak my parents decided to invite our fundamentalist christian neighbors so another one of my Aunts, my Aunt Stevie, will be having a fun time!! She is a minister but the direct opposite of the fundamentalist. She is pro-gay/pro-abortion. She is HIGHLY liberal. Anyway, my mother doesn't want Shirley to be at the main table so she's going to have a kiddy table up. She decided to have me, Shirley, The Fundamentalist, and the liberal minister at the card table. I have a funny feeling that WW3 is going to break out at that exact spot.